I am 25 years old, never been on a date, and I have been rejected 23 times.

[jgkhjgkh]

I give up! I can't even get a stupid date and it's been 13 years already from the first time I was rejected. I seriously need help and I am desperate. I have no confidence and no more self-esteem. My heart is battered and bruised and I can't take it no more.

[hulavie]

Oh you poor dear! Don't give up just like that.

 

Why not concentrate more on getting lots of normal female friends first to 'widen your choices'

 

Sometimes it's funny how when we expect it least, love will show up by itself.

[jgkhjgkh]

I can't even get normal female friends. I only have one female friend, but whenever I ask her about hanging out with her other friends, she changes the subject. Some friend huh?

[ChattGirl]

Let's break this down for a minute....

Are you doing the same thing over and over again when asking these girls out?

What are your expectations? Are they really high?

What kind of environment are you in when you ask these girls out?

Some insight would help so maybe we could pinpoint some things that may be turning these girls off.

[amerikajin]

I give up! I can't even get a stupid date and it's been 13 years already from the first time I was rejected. I seriously need help and I am desperate. I have no confidence and no more self-esteem. My heart is battered and bruised and I can't take it no more

 

It seems like you could be too desperate, but I need to know more. Is it a problem making girlfriends or friends in general? Do you have regular guy friends with whom you like to hang out once in a while?

[fundamental]

amerikajin

 

 

You are exactly right, you need to give up on women--for now. The first thing you need to do is find ways to rebuild your self-confidence (i.e. hobbies) You have become so obsessed with your failures that it's making you lose confidence--leading to your 13 year losing streak with women. FORGET about WOMEN. FORGET about the failures.

 

Women will not make you confident, nor will they put up with a man without any confidence. So, the last thing you need is a woman. Learn to be happy with yourself first and women will be drawn to you. Each failed attempt is eating away at you and the more you sulk about it, the worse it will get. So, YOU have to make a descision--1. do you continue to beat yourself up about this or 2. decide that you want to become confident even if it means forgetting about women for X amount of time.

 

My words may sound harse but you have to snap out of it and bury each failure.

 

Here are a couple of helpful links:

KILL THE DESPERATION

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=16926

 

CHANGE YOUR MENTALITY

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=62117

 

CHANGE YOUR THINKING

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=61781

[fundamental]

Previous post directed toward:jgkhjgkh not amerikajin

[Withnail]

jgkhjgkh, Fundementals advice is excellent and I hope you luck. I will say this for you dude, you have will, most of us wouldve gotten discouraged a lot earlier than you have.

[fiyah]

i agree.. forget about women for now and just find something NEW to explore. what do you like to do? hopefully you can find something and you'll gain confidence and feel better about yourself - then the women will be comin to you

[jjjj44]

I had a similar type problem, what you need to do is just stop concentrating on it so much. Just remember that yo don't need anyone to validate you. Just believe and know that you are a good person, when you stop searching for a girl, she will just come to you. It's like when you lose something and then you search and search for it and it's only when you're not looking for it that you find it. So, stop putting yourself down, remember that you're a cool guy, and chin up!

Also, there's a beautiful quote from a song that I love, "Just remember that in the winter deep beneath the bitter snow, lies the seed that with the sun's love becomes the rose."

Good luck!

[GL_TRIANGLE_STRIP]

I know what you mean, people are shallow. I have not been on a date in 5 years, and the main reason ladies ignore me is because I do not drive, they think it defines who a man is. I am a respectful person, I am a software engineer, I am not bad looking too. All this seems to be erased just because I choose not to drive. I think people have been brainwashed in to thinking fast cars, lots of money, and who knows what else defines who a person is. What I would do is just wait for someone who is not shallow to come along, unfortunately these people are a rarity today.

[Naik]

Hey, I know that rejection sucks, but it is a part of life unfortunately.

 

From what i can see you said you were rejected 23 times in 13 years... dude this is not even 2 rejections a year! If you are only trying you luck once every six months your chances of success are not going to be high!

 

I suggest that you dont step down to your fears of getting rejected. Stand up, see a girl you want and go get her. Sure you may get shot down in flames another 23 times, maybe another 30 or even 50 times! But each time you get rejected, and each time some one turns you down, you know that you have just eliminated another person who was not right for you anyway! Think about it as if there is only one or two people in the world who are right for you, and everytime you get knocked back you have one person less before you find your ms right.

 

Despite how ****ty it feels getting knocked back, that momentary ****ty feeling will pass, and when it does you should be back on your feet running towards your next target. Take control of your life and what you want to happen and it will.

 

Do not doubt yourself, and do not ever give up!

[browneyes22]

I know how your feel but the thing you have to realize is that rejection is part of the deal when you are trying to find a date. Counting how many times you have been rejected is quite strange...maybe you should stop counting. And one of the previous posts said it right, it's not like you are asking women out very frequently. I bet you can get rejected just as many times in 6 months if you put yourself out there more. But this would also mean you may get a few acceptances as well. Just try to get yourself out there in a good social atmosphere when you have free time and concentrate on relaxing and having a good time with friends. From there you can gain confidence to conquer anything.

[bullion]

I know what your problem is. I'm sorry I'm not american but I live in America. I find you americans too gayish with woman. What is that of wasting money on 7 dates or 3 dates? My women go down the 2 time I see them. It is like a business proposition. Take it or leave it.

 

American women or not I got a list from business woman to toilet cleaners. None can keep up with me. You can't let woman run all over you. Even if they like you they like to act fricking hard to get. Treat them like they are nothing, ignore them, don't call them, and they'll be all over you. You are the top card here. Don't let them run your lives. Be nice but carry a big stick; otherwise they walk all over you. I'm telling you...

[browneyes22]

Originally posted by bullion

I know what your problem is. I'm sorry I'm not american but I live in America. I find you americans too gayish with woman. What is that of wasting money on 7 dates or 3 dates? My women go down the 2 time I see them. It is like a business proposition. Take it or leave it.

 

American women or not I got a list from business woman to toilet cleaners. None can keep up with me. You can't let woman run all over you. Even if they like you they like to act fricking hard to get. Treat them like they are nothing, ignore them, don't call them, and they'll be all over you. You are the top card here. Don't let them run your lives. Be nice but carry a big stick; otherwise they walk all over you. I'm telling you...

 

Actually...he has a very good point. My parents and most of our family friends are from europe and we see similar things with american women. All of our family friends and family members seem to be settling down in with women in there 30's rather than there 20's 'cause it seems like they are preoccupied with there careers (which isn't all that bad) along with waiting for the next best thing in a man when they are in there 20's.

 

The most success I have had with women is when I never paid attention to them whatsoever and it was exactly like bullion said they were in abundance. But for this too work you have to be out and about more where you can be seen by women. If you are in a social situation where women aren't around you have to change that first thing.

[unkown]

once you get ur confindence up theres a technique that makes women attracted. Its called cocky&funny. Take an arrogant comment, add humor to it, and use it. Examples: If a women is wearing a 4inch heel say are u 4'4 w/out that on? she'll laugh or maybe even hit you. then say sorry, 4'3?

 

make sure its a sarcastic tone.

 

another is if shes looking in a window and sees something she likes and she says I would love to get that, say you would.

 

If you want more, search david deangelo, the master of cocky&funny

[magritte]

I'm 24 and have been rejected roughly the same number of times you have (I was even counting for a pretty long time), though I have been on a couple of dates they were just with friends or classmates where we both knew it wasn't going anywhere.

 

If you've been rejected that many times I think it's pretty safe to say women are picking up something they don't like about you. I think it would also be pretty safe to say that that 'thing' is either the way you carry yourself or your physical appearance.

 

If it's the former than read the links posted here, buy some books on attracting women and work on your confidence.

 

If it's the latter - sorry, better luck in the next life. Saying 'most women are shallow' is a pretty huge understatement. The harsh reality (which no one here will probably admit) is that most women will not let themselves become interested in a guy who is very fat (which is obviously fixable), very short (not fixable) or has a very ugly face (generally not fixable). We're biologicly predisposed to be attracted to physical beauty, no matter how much time we spend trying to convince ourselves otherwise.

[EIN]

Workout to vent your frustration and get good physical posture and appearance that attracts women. Everytime you get knocked down, analyze (dont OD on it) what did you do wrong and make correction the next one you meet. If engineering is your occupation, you must have that "I am a nerd" mentality, so go after the "intellectuals" instead of the "high maintenance" ones (I am assuming you go after those from the way you are getting shot down). Personally, I was recently knocked down by a women but that feelign of being rejected fades away. Be strong and concentrate on things going on with your life. Take a step back and see if you are happy with yourself. Only then will you can start looking for someone to complement on your happiness. Thats what I am doing but it is not stopping me from flirting with women and messing with their heads (sorry ladies but I gotta keep my game tight when I am ready). Dude, and I am 23 so age does not matter, its how your mind thinks.

[True Iori]

Originally posted by jgkhjgkh

I give up! I can't even get a stupid date and it's been 13 years already from the first time I was rejected. I seriously need help and I am desperate. I have no confidence and no more self-esteem. My heart is battered and bruised and I can't take it no more.

 

 

I am 20 and i am in the same boat as u. I heard nothing but no's all my life. I heard so much no's that i think my heart has complety turn black and cold. I use to be the nice who always making every one laugh but no more of that

I learn that nice guys finish last and that the world is a cold world and that everyone just looking out for themselve

All there left of me shell of my formal self So man i know how u feel u aint the only one out there

[casual observer]

Hey, I'm another 20-year old with the exact same problem. I've never been on a date, had sex, kissed a girl, I've never even held hands with a girl or had a friend who happend to be a girl. It's as bad as it gets. All things considered, girls are completely alien to me. They're like another species.

 

This being said, I shall offer some casual advice, as I am a "casual obvserver": a girl is the last thing u need, and for that matter, want. It is important that u be careful, as I have learned. It is in my nature for me to study problems I can not solve until I get it. I really looked into everything in this situation as long as I could. Out of it I learned that, being the sensitive guy and a naive and unassuming one as well, I am easily manipulated. Should I get into a relationship now, I'd be easy bait for a manipulative person to just walk all over. You gotta understand that guys like us (you're probably better off than I am, however) know very little about this. It's all one big game and we've got very little experience. This fact could easily be taken advantage of.

 

You gotta also face a harsh truth, that being that the odds of getting into at least a moderately healthy relationship are greatly diminished. I know it has gotten to a point with me that I had to admit to myself that it would ultimately be healthier for me to give up pursuit. Altogether. For the most part, I try to turn off that part of me that tries to go up to girls. I'm not saying a good or even great relationship or experience with another human being of the female species is impossible, but u must guard yourself. There is/are obviously thing(s) besides this whole problem with the oppositte sex that are causing problems. It would prove prudent in the long run if you searched yourself and grew. U have to understand that u must leave the struggle for a relationship aside, because u would be entering a game which has been going on for a long time which u know little about.

 

Ultimately, learn to deal with yourself before you take on someone else. Don't try for a situation with a girl unless or until u are extremely confident with what u are doing. maybe we'll both end up happy with a great girl friend. I know that, for me at least, it won't be for a while. Sorry, I bring advice, not hope.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Look for it, ask your friends what it is, find it and use it. It may be a sense of humor, your butt, your eyes, your smile, your friendliness, your self confidence. Just find out what it is and do whatever you can to make that feature so obvious and noticeable that not-so attractive features become less relevant to others.

 

Everyone here is right about people being shallow. It's human nature but again, we all have something physically attractive somewhere, and we all have something inside that is also attractive - finding out what it is and how to use it is the part that will take time and effort.

 

Good luck. And I agree, 13 years is a long time to only have asked out 23 women.

[tokyo]

Originally posted by magritte

If it's the latter - sorry, better luck in the next life. Saying 'most women are shallow' is a pretty huge understatement. The harsh reality (which no one here will probably admit) is that most women will not let themselves become interested in a guy who is very fat (which is obviously fixable), very short (not fixable) or has a very ugly face (generally not fixable). We're biologicly predisposed to be attracted to physical beauty, no matter how much time we spend trying to convince ourselves otherwise.

 

Yes, because men like very fat women or the ones with a very ugly face. What a hypocritical bullsh*t is this? Of all people this must come from a man.