chinacat sunflower Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 After months and months of tearing this “situation” apart and getting nowhere emotionally, I finally took a step back and looked at it for what it is. The last time we spoke he said, “the reason why we split is because I asked for space, and you couldn’t do that”. There it is. Boom. Something I have ignored before we even broke up. Previous to the break he expressed to me that he thought WE were smothering each other, which was an issue in his prior relationships, and he didn’t want that to happen with me. He caught wind of it, backed off, brought it to my attention, and at that point the ball was in my court. I obviously ignored his needs and kept on fighting and pushing, causing him to leave. We have never spoken again. I read this article. (Why Clingy People Get Dumped | Blunt Monkey) I don’t necessarily agree with the whole gender thing, because I think guys can be just as clingy as us gals. However, this article made some key points, and I did (almost) everything wrong. I don’t blame him for leaving me. “Just like you have the power to broadcast yourself as more desperate than you actually are, you also have the power to broadcast yourself as less desperate than you actually are.” Nailed it. I realize it takes two to tango and I am not 100% at fault for this. I have forgiven him for the pain he unintentionally caused me. I have no clue if he accepts it or not, because he has never responded to me the two times I have tried to reach out since. Fine. That’s on him. But the real issue is forgiving myself. I finally learned my lesson. This has been an issue for me in my previous relationships as well. I wish that I didn’t have to learn this lesson from him. I truly believe he genuinely cared about me. I have tried to convince myself he used me for sex, and I really can’t find myself to believe that is the case. I have tried to hate him, but I can’t. As far as him being a jerk to me, well, he is after all respecting my needs. The last day I saw him he was clearly upset over the outcome. He was sulking and it made me feel awful. I told him the only way for me to get over him would be for him to be mean to me and never talk to me again. Which is exactly what he did. All I can do now is hope that one day, maybe, just maybe, we will cross paths and be able to give each other a smile and a friendly hello. That’s all I can ask for. And that might still be pushing it. Here’s to forgiveness and moving on. Like a sloth.
Author chinacat sunflower Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Anyone? Anyone??? Bueller? Bueller????
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