Jadedbyluv Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I've been on a few dates with this one guy, and we finally went on another date the other night after he flaked out the week prior. I really like hanging out with him. But honestly, I don't know if the feeling is mutual. I can't pick up when a guy is interested or not. I usually tend to think its just someone being nice. I don't want to keep going on dates if he isn't interested. How can I tell or what can I say to see if he is really interested in me?
BluEyeL Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 The only thing you can do is wait and see if he keeps asking you out consistently and keeps a consistent communication between dates. I know it is stressful at the beginning stages of dating.
Author Jadedbyluv Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 It is really tough especially with the last few guys I dated. I thought they were interested then things didn't pan out. I keep second guessing this guy because I'm comparing him to them.
BluEyeL Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I know, but not going on dates is not the solution. If the guy continues to ask you out, he's interested. If they are interested, they keep coming around. That's the only way, I don't think there is a shortcut I know. Also, how many dates did you have? How is his communication between dates? I advise you not too initiate much, let him initiate, you initiate 1/3 of the time. Show interest, but don't be over interested, especially if you really like him. In general mirror his behavior and don't ramble/talk to much. I took the liberty to give you unsolicited advice on how to keep interest too
Author Jadedbyluv Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 We've been on 5 dates. He texts me a lot and does most of the initiating. I do appreciate your advice. The other night I mentioned how I had tickets tonight for this local sports team. He said he liked them and I left it at that. I don't have anybody to go with. Would it be too soon to ask him to hang out again if we just hung out the other night?
BluEyeL Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 We've been on 5 dates. He texts me a lot and does most of the initiating. I do appreciate your advice. The other night I mentioned how I had tickets tonight for this local sports team. He said he liked them and I left it at that. I don't have anybody to go with. Would it be too soon to ask him to hang out again if we just hung out the other night? I think you can tell him you have these tickets and nobody to go with. I know how you feel I was ridden with anxiety within the first few weeks myself. Even now I feel that pit in the stomach even now and then. But in your case it all sounds pretty good. You never know though, you need to wait about 3 months to call it.
forgetmenot75 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Hi there, No, don;t ask him to go to the sports event with you. If you have the opportunity, just bring up you have those tickets, and see how he reacts. As to know if he's interested or not, best way is to stop initiating. In your case, he's initiating, so you can just act as YOU are not that interested, and see what's his next move is. Never show him how much you like him if you still don;t know what his feelings for you are. Guys love to chase (I wish I could learn that someday!)
crude Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Hi there, No, don;t ask him to go to the sports event with you. If you have the opportunity, just bring up you have those tickets, and see how he reacts. As to know if he's interested or not, best way is to stop initiating. In your case, he's initiating, so you can just act as YOU are not that interested, and see what's his next move is. Never show him how much you like him if you still don;t know what his feelings for you are. Guys love to chase (I wish I could learn that someday!) I know a large segment of the male population DOESN'T love to chase, especially after women who act uninterested and never invite him anywhere. This guy might just be on another dating site asking if the woman he's seeing sounds interested in him, and the posters are saying no, she's aloof and not really interested. If she was, she'd do some of the initiating, especially after 5 dates. Next.
forgetmenot75 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I know a large segment of the male population DOESN'T love to chase, especially after women who act uninterested and never invite him anywhere. This guy might just be on another dating site asking if the woman he's seeing sounds interested in him, and the posters are saying no, she's aloof and not really interested. If she was, she'd do some of the initiating, especially after 5 dates. Next. She is asking for help because she doesn't know if the guy is interested. What would you suggest? that she invites him to the sports event? That she tells him how much she likes him? That she starts to initiate? she can try that for sure. Even though a SMALL part of the male population doesn't love to chase (really? maybe they have low testosterone because men LOVE to chase, you should read the law of scarcity, I highly recommend it to you, google it;) doesn't mean the girl has to plunge into the men arms.
Sunshine87 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Hey, guys with options don't really ''pursue''. I don't think you need to pursue someone if the person is interested. Showing interest is different from pursuing. 2
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Hi there, No, don;t ask him to go to the sports event with you. If you have the opportunity, just bring up you have those tickets, and see how he reacts. As to know if he's interested or not, best way is to stop initiating. In your case, he's initiating, so you can just act as YOU are not that interested, and see what's his next move is. Never show him how much you like him if you still don;t know what his feelings for you are. Guys love to chase (I wish I could learn that someday!) She is asking for help because she doesn't know if the guy is interested. What would you suggest? that she invites him to the sports event? That she tells him how much she likes him? That she starts to initiate? she can try that for sure. Even though a SMALL part of the male population doesn't love to chase (really? maybe they have low testosterone because men LOVE to chase, you should read the law of scarcity, I highly recommend it to you, google it;) doesn't mean the girl has to plunge into the men arms. Worst thing to do, not to mention there's nothing factually true. High status men don't pursue women. The men who pursue, do so because they have to. OP, the worst thing you can do is remain passive. 1
crude Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 She is asking for help because she doesn't know if the guy is interested. What would you suggest? that she invites him to the sports event? That she tells him how much she likes him? That she starts to initiate? she can try that for sure. Even though a SMALL part of the male population doesn't love to chase (really? maybe they have low testosterone because men LOVE to chase, you should read the law of scarcity, I highly recommend it to you, google it;) doesn't mean the girl has to plunge into the men arms. Why not invite him? If she just says she has the tickets and he says he'd like to go, does that mean he's interested in her or the game, she's not gonna know which. If men have normal to high levels of testosterone, they want to get laid, not be jerked around by someone who feigns no interest and plays hard to get or treats the guy like he's nothing to her. Women want men with confidence, that can mean if he feels he's being snubbed or he's just another guy to the woman, he gets ticked off and is confident he can get a woman who's actually interested in him.
white Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Even though a SMALL part of the male population doesn't love to chase (really? maybe they have low testosterone because men LOVE to chase, you should read the law of scarcity, I highly recommend it to you, google it;) No, just no. Unread what you read that makes you think this. This generalised antagonistic attitude **** has to stop around here.
Author Jadedbyluv Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 I think it's hard for me to gauge his interest because I feel he's too good for me. I'm really just waiting for him to disappear.
forgetmenot75 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I don't agree with the majority, and that's OK. I still think you should keep yourself busy. If he's interested, he'll come to you. If not, he wans't interested from the beginning. As for the "I'm not too good for him", girl, you are good indeed, forget that destructive thoughts. You are good enough, if not better, for him. I truly wish you the best, and I hope he's interested in you.
Bigcitydreamer Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I don't agree with the majority, and that's OK. I still think you should keep yourself busy. If he's interested, he'll come to you. If not, he wans't interested from the beginning. As for the "I'm not too good for him", girl, you are good indeed, forget that destructive thoughts. You are good enough, if not better, for him. I truly wish you the best, and I hope he's interested in you. I fully agree with you on this. I don't know where everyone is getting the idea that "high status men don't pursue". That is definitely not true and makes no sense at all. Men do love to pursue. They love the chase. This is basically a fact. I've never pursued and I'm a girl. I rarely initiate. And definitely not until I'm certain he's interested. If you have had 5 solid dates than you can pretty much assume that he is interested in you, but as the poster above said, wait out any type of pursuing on your end. Do NOT ask him to go to the sports event. People on this site love to scream that high status men don't pursue but who are they to say that? High status men that never pursue chicks? Yeah right.
Author Jadedbyluv Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Why do you think he is too good for you? He's a really great guy with a lot going for him. He's very driven and smart. Not that I don't have good qualities but I keep thinking why would a guy like that want to date me when I still live with my parents?
Southern Cal Dude Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I fully agree with you on this. I don't know where everyone is getting the idea that "high status men don't pursue". That is definitely not true and makes no sense at all. Men do love to pursue. They love the chase. This is basically a fact. I've never pursued and I'm a girl. I rarely initiate. And definitely not until I'm certain he's interested. If you have had 5 solid dates than you can pretty much assume that he is interested in you, but as the poster above said, wait out any type of pursuing on your end. Do NOT ask him to go to the sports event. People on this site love to scream that high status men don't pursue but who are they to say that? High status men that never pursue chicks? Yeah right. Too bad you can't back up that "fact".
BluEyeL Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 He's a really great guy with a lot going for him. He's very driven and smart. Not that I don't have good qualities but I keep thinking why would a guy like that want to date me when I still live with my parents? You're a girl, you are allowed to be less succesful than him. While I agree that he should do most of the initiating, I think you can invite him to the sports event, it's been 5 dates, initiated by him, you reciprocate ONCE. It's OK imho.
salparadise Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 (edited) Even though a SMALL part of the male population doesn't love to chase (really? maybe they have low testosterone because men LOVE to chase, you should read the law of scarcity, I highly recommend it to you, google it;) doesn't mean the girl has to plunge into the men arms. If he's interested, he'll come to you. If not, he wans't interested from the beginning. It's not so simple. Making a sweeping generalization and acknowledging a small number of exceptions doesn't make it a fact. The expectation that a woman must act demure and wait around to be pursued is antebellum. This is the 21st century and things have changed quite a bit. Are you being facetious when you attribute differences in behavior to testosterone levels? It's a dance of sorts, and while it's typical for the guy to lead, the woman still needs to be willing to move her feet. I believe she needs to engage and keep it interesting for him if she wants to keep his interest. As for the tickets, I say just invite him to the event. No big deal. As a divorced man who's been dating for several years, I can tell you for sure that the demure act doesn't pull me in line, and I don't think I am a rare exception. If I'm not feeling the connection and interest flowing in both directions I'll move on. That doesn't have to be over the top or anything but the whole notion of the princess waiting for her knight in shining armor to show up and sweep her off her feet is pretty delusional. And it really is equivalent to the woman being objectified as opposed to being a fully-functioning, complete person who is valuable for more reasons than her reproductive capacity. I say play hard to get when you want him to go away, and show some enthusiasm when you find a man who believes that women are more than arm candy. Edited August 13, 2013 by salparadise 1
BluEyeL Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Yes, I'm on the side of men need to chase/initate more, BUT women have to show some interest. My rule of thumb is 2/3 him, 1/3 you, or, in general, mirror his interest level. The idea is not to pursue MORE than him, not to have ZERO initiation. He'll think you're playing a game after some time and the whole thing could be a bit "dry", not exciting, if I express myself correctly. Yes, you need to keep yourself scarce, but at the same time, you have to allow a connection to be formed, so any extremes are not good.
Author Jadedbyluv Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 I hate the game people call dating. I'm so guarded and hesitant to put myself out there. I know he is also still active on the OLD site that we met on. I just feel like I'm not good enough and he is on there to find someone better. After our last date, he said let's get together this week but didn't make definitive plans. I feel like it was more of just a nice gesture.
forgetmenot75 Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Jaded, you have serious self esteem issues. you need to address this first in order to have a successful relationship with a man. 1
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