HopingAgain Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I understand you people have been betrayed and have trust issues. But seriously where are the red flags? When does the H use his super secret phone? Yea, it is possible that he had sex with her but why did the "OW" not give a date an place or anything that would match what the W knows? I'm just not seeing any red flags. OP, if anyone is making you doubt, install a keylogger on your computers. It will let you know if there is a fake account. I agree with this. Sometimes people become too jaded to think objectively and take suspicion to the extreme. 1
HopingAgain Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Its exactly that experience with trust issues and betrayal that leads us to understand how married people do this. My xmm could account for every minute he was with me if he wanted to do so. And I'm betting the reason she hasn't heard anything else is because hubby smoothed it all over in the background. Everyone is not your MM. The OP has said that the dates given were ALL wrong amongst other details that didn't fit. 2
Coolit Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Its exactly that experience with trust issues and betrayal that leads us to understand how married people do this. My xmm could account for every minute he was with me if he wanted to do so. And I'm betting the reason she hasn't heard anything else is because hubby smoothed it all over in the background. The OP never said her husband smoothed it over. She said the dates didn't match up to her own. She also said that she stays up later than her H. I really think it is a stretch to think this "OW" is really an "OW". By her crazy behaviour whether she is one or not it is apparent she wants to reak havoc. And as a single woman she has no reason to get rid of evidence. Therefore she should be able to supply something more concrete. And I think would as destroying OP's trust seems to be her aim.
GreySkyMorning Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 The OP never said her husband smoothed it over. She said the dates didn't match up to her own. She also said that she stays up later than her H. I really think it is a stretch to think this "OW" is really an "OW". By her crazy behaviour whether she is one or not it is apparent she wants to reak havoc. And as a single woman she has no reason to get rid of evidence. Therefore she should be able to supply something more concrete. And I think would as destroying OP's trust seems to be her aim. well, he's certainly not going to tell his wife if he smoothed things over with the OW, now is he? Or you think someone thats trying that hard to destroy their marriage for no reason would just give up and go away that easily? Look, I've been the WW, the OW, and the BS. I'm not proud of any of it and I'd change it all if I could. But what I'm saying is she needs to verify. Dates can be wrong. Mm can sit right next to their wife on the couch and be texting the OW without her knowing. The issues thing...you think the OW is making up stuff, I think the wife just didn't see all of their interaction. I can't believe anyone who has any experience with being a BS would tell OP that there are no red flags on this one. 1
GreySkyMorning Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 On the theory of a single woman keeping evidence, not all do. I have no hard proof. I didn't keep any of it. At one time, I could have blown his world apart with concrete proof. Maybe I just didnt think far enough ahead because when things headed south, I deleted everything because I didn't want to look at his lies in front of me anymore.
Author rumbleseat Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 well, he's certainly not going to tell his wife if he smoothed things over with the OW, now is he? Or you think someone thats trying that hard to destroy their marriage for no reason would just give up and go away that easily? Look, I've been the WW, the OW, and the BS. I'm not proud of any of it and I'd change it all if I could. But what I'm saying is she needs to verify. Dates can be wrong. Mm can sit right next to their wife on the couch and be texting the OW without her knowing. The issues thing...you think the OW is making up stuff, I think the wife just didn't see all of their interaction. I can't believe anyone who has any experience with being a BS would tell OP that there are no red flags on this one. My husband is still unnerved by the whole thing, and thinks we should call the police and ask them what we should do. We have a friend who's an officer with the local police force, and she's telling us he should wait a bit before we do that. She says it could just be a woman who thought that a friendship was something more, and that it happens more than people realize. She said that some people get so wrapped up in an online friendship that they start to see things that aren't there, and that's how cyber stalking can start. According to her, some people can create a whole romantic relationship where none ever existed, and they may insist that it's real because to them, it is. If we hear from her again, she recommended we go to the police on a more official basis. She's suggested that we get in touch with our internet service provider and let them know what happened and they will have good advice about what to do. We have done that, and they say not to engage her or encourage any further communication, but that we should keep copies of any and all contact. They also recommended a key logger, more to protect ourselves than anything else, so we are looking at buying one.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I appreciate the input. He had always told me I could read the messages anytime I wanted to, and knew that I did from time to time. I have his passwords, and he has mine. That's great, and I do believe that he did not believe anything was going on. I do believe she's likely a wackjob, I do believe that the rest of what you are doing is enough. I also believe that your husband and maybe even you need to look at boundaries. It's not transparency, like you mentioned here. It's what is an appropriate "friendship" of the opposite sex? Talking/emailing several times a week for a year is a hell of a lot of contact. It may have been nothing to him, but he may have been giving off signals, maybe not. Read NOT JUST FRIENDS. 1
Maggotface Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I would consider this a lesson learned, but no I don't believe there is anything to be concerned about. Keep an eye open to make sure that she stays blocked, if they were close friends for a long period of time there might be a chance down the road that the friendship could start up again. I doubt it as this ordeal has seemed to rub him the wrong way but you never know.
michelangelo Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I agree with this. Sometimes people become too jaded to think objectively and take suspicion to the extreme. I don't think labeling a BS's experiences as "jaded" really helps. Do you? The level of deception and astonishing ways cheaters cover their tracks can be extensive. So it is not out of the range of possibility to wonder if the what appears to be rambling a of a nutty OW could be a sophisticated way to take the pressure off a cheating husband. I'm not suggesting that there is absolute proof. However, I hold that same standard on the husband's story. It is entirely feasible that he got his OW to do nutty things to throw off the wife. And the OW agreed thinking it would get him back to her. Only to find out she'd been thrown under a bus. With a cynical cheating husband then agreeing to call cops, block her, etc. If you think this extremely unlikely, reflect on how often you read on such forums the bizarre ways cheaters protect their affairs, even to the point of denying photos of of themself. I'm hoping the extremity in this scenario isn't going on, but I wouldn't discount it as being the result of a jaded attitude. 3
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