GirlontheLam Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Bear with me, I have sort of a long story. So over a year ago, I met a guy at an event. He was cute, we chatted for a bit. At the end of the evening, we exchanged cards, but I found him to be on the immature side. Even though he met many of my "checkbox" items. [He is a few years younger, still in the "party" phase that I skipped. Going out for me is conversation or dancing or unique experiences. Going out for him is drinking.] A couple of months ago I ran into him again at a bar. There was still some chemistry. He also still seemed a bit immature. He mentioned he was planning to move to my city from a neighboring one. He asked me out, I turned him down (I was busy). Told him to call me when he moves, and I'll give him recommendations for hotspots. What do you think? Should I give it a chance this time around? The hesitation is that he is immature. Not that I am super serious or anything, but our life stages might not be matching up yet. I am 4-5 years older than he is. ** He reached out over the weekend, but I was busy. We exchanged a few texts about meeting up.
Axee Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Dont label him as immature without knowing him first.. Things you mentioned are not an indication of immaturity.. 4
BluEyeL Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 You have to know your deal breakers. For me, I wouldn't pick this guy, but I'm not you.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Yeah go for it. You know what they say: "growing up leads to growing old and then to dying, and dying don't sound like all that much fun"...
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Dont label him as immature without knowing him first.. Things you mentioned are not an indication of immaturity.. For me, immature = drinking to get drunk. Some people in their 20s do this. I do not (did not). He might be over it. He might not. Not really sure. Since I am only a casual drinker, these are people I don't connect with (other than amusing conversations at the bar/party/whatever). If you can have fun without drinking, then it is all good.
white Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Veteran drinkers, excepting some sort of powerful religious conversion, stay drinkers their entire lives. Describing drinkers as those who drink to get drunk and do it frequently and non drinkers as either those who don't do that or don't drink at all, my experience has been that drinker with non drinker is as big of a no no as smoker with non smoker. I don't drink very often at all, perhaps once a year, twice at the moment because of all these damn weddings. When I do I usually get moderately drunk, because everyone else there is, that's the sort of event it is, and hey, it's fun. I've had a girlfriend who didn't drink, teetotal, and she was severely upset the one time in two years she saw me drunk. Severely. We smoothed it over but I panicked for a while. You do keep meeting him in bars/"events" (where people drink, right) though. You're there too.
crude Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I'd pass, because I don't drink and know how determined drinkers are to get you to join in. It's not worth it.
RogerWallace111 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Drinking alcohol with the intention of getting intoxicated does not indicate anything about one's level of maturity. Just to clear that up. I know plenty of uncommonly wise, accomplished, level-headed guys who still enjoy "gettin loose" with some whiskey or beer. Some of whom are respected/admired by millions of people around the world for their work/achievements. Not to mention being generally awesome souls. So get out of here with that silly self-righteous sh*t. Like being a non-drinker at all equates to being a respectable, mature person... There are certain types of people who embrace well-intentioned debauchery/vice because they like having a more wild type of fun in their life. I guarantee many of the coolest humans ever are of this ilk. 3
RogerWallace111 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 At the same time, if this guy's priority is socializing, etc and you like to spend your time more quietly, maybe the timing is just off.
pteromom Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I'd go out with him at least once. Let him take the lead and pick the place, etc. See if he prioritizes drinking/partying through the place he picks and how he acts during the date. When he asks what you want to drink, get a soda or iced tea, and I'm sure it will lead to a conversation about drinking. I think you still need more information.
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 (edited) Veteran drinkers, excepting some sort of powerful religious conversion, stay drinkers their entire lives. Describing drinkers as those who drink to get drunk and do it frequently and non drinkers as either those who don't do that or don't drink at all, my experience has been that drinker with non drinker is as big of a no no as smoker with non smoker. I don't drink very often at all, perhaps once a year, twice at the moment because of all these damn weddings. When I do I usually get moderately drunk, because everyone else there is, that's the sort of event it is, and hey, it's fun. I've had a girlfriend who didn't drink, teetotal, and she was severely upset the one time in two years she saw me drunk. Severely. We smoothed it over but I panicked for a while. You do keep meeting him in bars/"events" (where people drink, right) though. You're there too. Drinking alcohol with the intention of getting intoxicated does not indicate anything about one's level of maturity. Just to clear that up. I know plenty of uncommonly wise, accomplished, level-headed guys who still enjoy "gettin loose" with some whiskey or beer. Some of whom are respected/admired by millions of people around the world for their work/achievements. Not to mention being generally awesome souls. So get out of here with that silly self-righteous sh*t. Like being a non-drinker at all equates to being a respectable, mature person... There are certain types of people who embrace well-intentioned debauchery/vice because they like having a more wild type of fun in their life. I guarantee many of the coolest humans ever are of this ilk. I'm not anti-drinking. Just anti-drinking a lot. I don't even make it to two drinks very often. A couple of times a year I have 2 drinks in an evening. 3 drinks on the same day? It has happened about 5 times ever. I have a low tolerance. I find I have a different drinking philosophy than some people. Having drinks, not a big deal. Going to the bar only to get drunk....different ball game. I just don't think it is very fun. But sign me up for wine tasting/tequila tasting and so on. I just stop at a few sips vs a few drinks. Getting me drunk is very easy. For me, drinking isn't required for socializing, but I'll always partake in an excellent cocktail. This guy appears more alcohol focused than I am, but we also have some similar interests too. Hence the question. If he is all about drinking? Then it wouldn't work out. If that is one part of his identity then I can easily ditch when needed. I think getting drunk (and any of the horrible hangover consequences) suck. Getting tipsy? Not a big deal. Forgetting what happened? Well, I am in my 30s. I think we are too old for that. If you think that's fun? Well we aren't compatible. **I have a friend, she is in the drink more club, and quite a bit younger than I. She is fun to go out with. She finishes any cocktail I can't finish. But I can't keep up with her for a whole night. She likes to hit 3-4 bars. I am done after 1-2. Way more common in her age group than mine. There is a mini-generation gap. She is also way more driven than I and works really hard. We are in different life stages at the moment. But we'll likely be lifelong acquaintances at the least. Edited August 12, 2013 by GirlontheLam
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 I'd go out with him at least once. Let him take the lead and pick the place, etc. See if he prioritizes drinking/partying through the place he picks and how he acts during the date. When he asks what you want to drink, get a soda or iced tea, and I'm sure it will lead to a conversation about drinking. I think you still need more information. Perhaps! Happy hour is such an easy getting to know someone thing to schedule.....but also tricky if your goal is not to come across as a drinker. But you always have a built in excuse to leave!
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 A mini update. We met up for happy hour at a small bar. We made some new friends, and had a great convo with the couple next to us at the bar and the bartender. (I always mesh well with fellow social butterflies.) Probably need to have a one on one convo. But he is likely an amusing bar partner. On the up note? He stopped trying to "impress." We are tentative for another happy hour. He'd probably be great if I was like 8 years younger. **Previously, he was leading a little too hard with status. We have already established I am his type.
keepontruckin Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Meet someone whom likes the bar/club scene, question their drinking habits:rolleyes:
JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Speaking from experience of dating someone younger at one point in time, you're headed for disaster. First of all, you clearly state he's in the partying phase. Now I am wondering why you'd even proceed knowing THAT? Secondly, if he's clearly immature time and time again he will not become any more mature any time soon. You'll bear the burden of growing him up and in the end he won't thank his surrogate mommy. As I said from experience. Even in the beginning he was perfect. I thought I had is solved -- who cares about age, right? It's just a number. Well, it isn't!!!! It's all there in front of you. In my case there came an inevitable moment when he started acting his age and never stopped!!! And in the end I was left wondering, but why? Because if you date someone who is immature, the childishness/selfishness is inevitable. And worse off for YOU is that he's acting acting immature from the get-go, which means you won't even have the glory of seeing him trying to fool you into thinking he's an adult. So, why even put yourself through it? Just skip the experience. Thank him and tell him it was a pleasure meeting, but you're just not ready for him.
truth_seeker Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 You're forcing this to work. I would let it go. He will only end up disappointing you.
Author GirlontheLam Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 I think I'll throw him in the happy hour buddy category.
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