ShortSkirtLongJacket Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I’ve never thought that I had low self esteem but I have been questioning it lately because of the way I am acting towards my boyfriend. I’m 19, he mid 20’s, we have been dating exclusively for 15 months. He is the most wonderful guy, funny, caring, charming, he has it all and is good looking to boot. The problem is, well my problem more than anything else is that everyone thinks the same of him and I am getting very jealous of that. He is a member of a local band so he is relatively well known locally but this is not a groupie thing, they are nowhere near that big. It doesn’t matter where we go, parties, restaurants, movies etc he always seems to attract other girls. He always introduces me as his girlfriend and I have no reason to suspect he is cheating but just the fact that these other girls are interested bugs me. They flirt so obviously with him and he barely responds other than a polite smile. We have started staying home a lot to avoid this situation (at his insistence) but that’s not what I want. My parents love him, my friends love him, I am starting to think there is something wrong with me. Deep down do I not trust him? I would say that is rubbish but why can’t I shake this feeling? He has been given phone numbers by waitresses while I am sitting there! Of course the claim it is for “both of us” but I know that’s not the case. We went on a train trip and met some nice people on the ride. One of the girls put a piece of paper with her number on it in his jacket pocket. He found it showed me and threw it away but it still makes me so jealous. Even at my cousins wedding some of my other relatives were all touchy feely with him, it was so embarrassing. My friends tell me I am so lucky that he chose me and it feels good when he’s hugging and kissing me in front of these girls that I know like him but something inside me, some stupid little voice keeps making me jealous that he is so popular. I should be happy I have this great guy and believe me I am, but this jealousy is going to ruin us if I don’t control it. Is this just me? Is this something that will subside with time? What can I do?
will1988 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 You have a reason to be jealous. With that being said, you have also hit another nail on the head. He is not the one who is flirting with other girls and asking for their numbers. He, nor you, can control other persons actions. The fact that her turns down all of these advances and makes sure to state that you are indeed his girl friend, means he truly cares for you and is not violating your trust. My fiance is a hair stilest and gets hit on all the time. She does not act upon the advances. I am not jealous of her admirers. You just need to embrace the fact that you got a keeper and that he is not giving you any reason to be jealous.
Author ShortSkirtLongJacket Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 You just need to embrace the fact that you got a keeper and that he is not giving you any reason to be jealous. I know that is right but it's easier said than done. I can tell myself rationally that there is no need for jealousy but I can't stop that little voice putting all these "what if" situations in my head. That means everytime I see him talking to another girl for any extended period of time I really start to feel insecure and that he might be chatting her up. Then I go over to them and of course he welcomes me, he introduces me, and I start to feel all guilty. I want to stop that sort of behavior. He says he understands and it will stop in time but I can't help but think that if I keep on doing it I will push him away.
aussietigerwolf Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm sooo jealous of my boyfriend too. his character in wow has a magic carpet and I want one too. ok, serious answer. I can totally understand being jealous, thankfully for you though he seems to only have eyes for you. 2
iKING Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Normal human behavior. Definitely don't be angry with yourself for it. Jealousy is a tricky bug to shake, but I know many who have been successful at it. I wish I had a "this potion cures all emotional aliments" solution for you, but I don't. We all cope with this problem in our own way. And as we get older, it becomes easier, because we can look at the big picture, and realize how insignificant the little things are compared to what we share with someone we love.
Author ShortSkirtLongJacket Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Normal human behavior. Definitely don't be angry with yourself for it. Jealousy is a tricky bug to shake, but I know many who have been successful at it. I wish I had a "this potion cures all emotional aliments" solution for you, but I don't. We all cope with this problem in our own way. And as we get older, it becomes easier, because we can look at the big picture, and realize how insignificant the little things are compared to what we share with someone we love. It nice to hear that I am not alone but I fear that if I don't shake this I could lose him. If I reverse the situation and every time I spoke to a male he came over I would start getting annoyed. He has been very patient with me and he deserves better than me doing this but the jealousy is overwhelming at times. If I lost him because I just can't let him be then I could never forgive myself. I can sit here now and have the best plan to avoid doing it again but in action it just doesn't work and I let myself down. I went to a hypnotist but that was a waste of money. It's a real problem, even when he is with my friends I get jealous and I cannot explain it. I know he wont cheat, I know my friends never would, and yet I have this uncontrollable feeling that I can't leave him alone with them. Sometimes I think I am my own worst enemy.
iKING Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 It nice to hear that I am not alone but I fear that if I don't shake this I could lose him. If I reverse the situation and every time I spoke to a male he came over I would start getting annoyed. He has been very patient with me and he deserves better than me doing this but the jealousy is overwhelming at times. If I lost him because I just can't let him be then I could never forgive myself. I can sit here now and have the best plan to avoid doing it again but in action it just doesn't work and I let myself down. I went to a hypnotist but that was a waste of money. It's a real problem, even when he is with my friends I get jealous and I cannot explain it. I know he wont cheat, I know my friends never would, and yet I have this uncontrollable feeling that I can't leave him alone with them. Sometimes I think I am my own worst enemy. Something my mentor taught me, that I'd like to pass on to you, is that we are our own best friends, and our own worst enemies. I understand that you feel overwhelmed, it is okay, your head will slow down with time. Plans are unimportant, actions are what count. Try not to hype yourself up so much about doing the right and wrong thing when you feel something. Try taking it as it comes and riding it out. Do your emotions own you? No. They don't. Don't let them. You're going to feel things no matter what you do, but the sooner you let the feeling go and move on, the sooner you will feel better about the matter, and the easier it will get with time. Think about the important parts you've mentioned; You know he won't cheat, and you know your friends wouldn't try to seduce him. Try to take it as a compliment that he's your man when people compliment him. As long as they're being respectful about it, they're probably not trying to upset anyone. Take some deep breaths, clear your mind, and let go. Let go of the frustration, the pain, everything. It'll go away as soon as you let it.
jphcbpa Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Try to take the advances as a compliment. As if it is expected, not a surprise to you. Say to yourself, "of course, he is a beautiful person, but I know the real man he is...the beautiful man inside and out..". Sounds to me that he knows how to say "no" to other women. At that point, there is nothing more you can do, but be the best woman you can be so he will want to say "no" to any woman now or in the future. Bottom line is that you are powerless over this. You do not own him. There is nothing you can do to control the other women or him. Let go. What is the worst thing that could happen?
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