Demoralised_10 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Hi, After some general advise to make sense of what has really happened! 3 months ago I met a girl on a dating website. I was low on self confidence, had a general low opinion of myself and hadn't been in a relationship for sometime. I viewed her profile, she looked amazing but I thought I had no chance. She actually initiated first contact by messaging me. We got along great, seemed to have alot in common and shared many of the same ambitions and thoughts for the future. 2 days later we swapped numbers and continued to text everyday. After a couple of weeks she said we should meet in person as the feelings she was developing meant that we had to know if there was anything there. We met up, had a great time, with both of us actually thinking the other wasnt interested when we both clearly were. The night ended with a kiss and we agreed to meet up again ASAP. Texting everyday and talking on the phone she said the kiss had blown her away, didn't think a kiss could mean so much etc. After date 2 we were more passionate and open as we both knew the other felt the same and we started a relationship. Every text we both sent from then on in for the next 3 months was how much she loved me, she had found 'The One' how this was going to last forever. She was done didn't want anyone else again. Every time we saw each other she lavished me with kisses, couldnt keep her hands off me, would constantly tell me how beautiful I was and was addicted to my lips etc! Now I got caught up in this could not believe this beautiful girl is saying all this about ME! I reciprocated the love back because I believed she was it. She would write me poems, she would send me texts with her name and my surname after it, saying she couldnt wait to get married and spend the rest of her life with me. I treated her amazingly and worshipped the ground she walked on. So I'm wrapped up in the idealism this is it, I've found her I'm finally going to be happy! Then from one day saying she loved and missed me I get a text bang out of the blue saying 'don't know if this is what I want anymore, my feelings have changed'!. I asked her to explain how this could happen just like that and she rang me in tears saying she never meant for this, she thought it would last forever but she can't help her feelings and delete her number! Now as you can imagine this whole 3 month whirlwind of fantastic emotions from a fantastic girl to suddenly be left with nothing has devastated me. Despite the fact she told me to delete her number she is still texting me everyday, asking how I am and constantly apologising for hurting me. My question would be has anyone else ever experienced a relationship as intense as this and what or how do I make sense of it all? I'm heartbroken, struggling to eat and sleep and just feel generally shocked and bewildered. Any advise would be welcome. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Jay.
Legatus Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Well, I think you should stop replying to her texts. She may be doing it just to make herself feeling better after such deceit.. I think you learnt your lesson not to idealise everything so quickly. Things take time whatever it is. It's hard to tell whether she meant all those things. You have to admit it wasn't just high intensity but a bit crazy too (the facet about marriage). People say thins like that out loud way too soon, then they say it's all changed without any consideration how that may affect someone else.. Why don't you delete her number like she said and see where that goes? You will focus on getting back out there and making yourself happy again. If No-Contact brings her back to you - then you may give her another chance being extra-cautious..
Author Demoralised_10 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 It's hard to stop texting her back because after the initial crying and her being angry on the phone at it having to end because her feelings have changed, she seems to not want me to delete her number at all! She keeps texting that she doesn't want to not have me in her life, that she's always there for me etc! Yes I can fully understand where you are coming from on the elements of craziness aswell as high intensity, however I have not been in a relationship for a very long time and to have a beautiful girl saying all these things like that to me when my dreams of the future was to get married and settle down and believing I would not realise those dreams because I couldn't get a partner. I was obviously swept along on this wave because I felt so lucky! Now it seems to have crumbled and disappeared almost as soon as it came. Now I think that perhaps that was my opportunity and it's gone and I won't realise my dreams.
Legatus Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 It was one of many opportunities you will have in your life. She was just one of those. You learnt something from it, you learnt to keep everything under control and be cautious when it comes to plans and dreams at the beginning of the relationship. The problem is that with those text you are getting mixed messages. First she says her feelings changed, then to delete her number, suddenly she's changed again. Can't you see what she's doing? She's either very manipulative (negative observation) or simply doesn't know what she wants (not positive, but acceptable). Either way she has no right to just keep the fire between you two. You know what you want right? Then tell her, but tell her once, your reasons why you're responding and what you expect. Whether it's getting back together or simply making up her mind what she wants. Then give her time.
BeholdtheMan Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 however I have not been in a relationship for a very long time and to have a beautiful girl saying all these things like that to me when my dreams of the future was to get married and settle down and believing I would not realise those dreams because I couldn't get a partner.That's your problem. She's not the only girl in the world with whom you can have a satisfying relationship. Women will find your attitude right now to be very unattractive. You're thinking right now is "I can't get any other girl, I have to lock down the one I'm with right now". If women detect this attitude of yours, they'll classify you as a desperate, pathetic loser. You need to build confidence. Healthy thinking should be "I'll try my best in every relationship, but if it doesn't work out, I'll learn and move one...there are plenty of women out there willing to date me"
CarrieT Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Some people - men AND women - thrive on that sort of whirlwind, first-blush, intensity and actively seek it. It sounds like she might have been that type of girl and once the bloom of the infatuation started to settle, she was ready to move on. I know it is hard to not take too personally, but learn from people like this and guard yourself against getting overly anxious and involved with someone too quickly. I think the best relationships are the ones that start slow and build - and last... 1
jphcbpa Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Sorry for your pain, but it is best to now take care of you and love on yourself. You can do this by going NC ASAP!!! She made her choice. You need to move on starting now, mentally, emtionally, physically. Time to get back online even though you may not want to or have any desire to chat with another woman. If anything put your profile back out there so it is out there. As for her, perhaps an ex came back into the picture or she found someone new or she is addicted to the newness ect. Whatever the reason, it is not about you. This is her, all her. Let her deal with it. You take care of you.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 ^^^ Agreed. My last RS started and escalated very quickly. I also couldn't believe this beautiful girl was so into me. And, although it stretched out for 3 years. At the end, it was over just as fast as it started, and she was quickly onto the next. I also believe this is just how some people are and do actively seek it. They love the Honeymoon Stage and expect it to last forever, and when it doesn't... see ya 1
Newbie37 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I have been through the same thing, I new the guy for about a year before anything romantic happened and we started texting end of Nov last year, things went so quick both infatuated , talked bout our future marriage etc then boom 3 months later he ends it, I was still in touch with him hoping he would change his mind then found out though social media he was with someone else, it was the worst feeling ever I felt like loosing him all over again it was more to do with the lies he has told to keep it from me etc, it helped me to realise it was over and I did start to feel better, that is until he text me the other day asking if I wanted to meet up!!! I think he is addicted to the honeymoon phase and the excitement, hence he must b getting bored with his latest one!!! Hang on in there it does get easier but you will have good and bad days too
Tropi_cali510 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Same thing kinda just happened to me but we banged like 50 times so I felt like I was getting more attached she was calling me baby and I was callin her babe then bam! One day shes like we're moving to fast we just need to be friends blah blah blah. And still has the nerve to text me I miss you and stuff, Real talk no contact, move on, just tel yourself your gonna be a better person you learned something from this situation and it's her loss. It's not gonna be easy to move on it probably will take a while but don't chase her. Do you, work on you, there's plenty of fish in the sea, you might think she's that special one but she's not if she's doing you like that. Better yourself for yourself and one day when you do find a better girl or whatever shell feel dumb as heck for doing you like this. Girls are crazy we might not never understand them our situations are very similar, 3 month period type **** and everything was going fantastic then bam she's the one not feeling it. ON TO THE NEXT ONE is your best idea
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