miss_jaclynrae Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I don't know if it is because I am PMSing or what... but since the mister left my emotions have gone haywire. My brain is constantly taking everything he says and thinking of the worst possible. Not only is it driving me mad, but I am sure it is doing the same for him. Granted, he has been taking everything with stride. Reassuring me and directing me away from irrational fears. These past few days have just been horrible. I cry at simple things [i am so tired of crying ] and half the time we spend talking [which isn't much to begin with] is wasted on me balling and him trying to calm me down. It is like anxiety attacks only worse because not only is my mind racing, but this unbelievable wave of sadness washes over me. Then to top it off, after he calms me, all I can think about is what if he ends it because I have turned into a raging irrational emotional girlfriend? Does ANYONE have any advice? Ways I can help make it better? I am sure I am PMSing, which means it will pass soon [i pray it does] but has anyone had this issue? I also think a big reason why this is so hard is because he truly has become my BEST friend, meaning that even though I have my best girlfriend... I still don't feel like I can be how I am around him, which is my real true self [raw and all]. If I continue to be like this, I could see him ending it. I hate being like this...
MrCastle Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 While I can't give you advice on how to handle it emotionally, I would say you need to find new ways to spend your time in these months he's gonna be away. Hobbies, new friends, anything that gets you out of the house. You guys were joined at the hip before this and although you prepared mentally for his trip, it's different when it's the real deal. It happened too abruptly. You need something to occupy your free time so you're not harping on this the entire time. You will only get needier and more emotional. 7
Els Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 The first few days are always the worst. IME, at least. Also, IME, most people have dealt with a few emotional days in their relationship before. If it's strong enough, a few days of bawling won't kill it. Chill. I've found that what helped, for me, would be to keep myself extra-busy. I had a few really great friends in college who purposefully arranged to take me out to do something fun after sending my bf to the airport, so that I wouldn't have time to sit in my room wallowing in the emptiness. It really helped. So go out, and do something fun. 4
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 While I can't give you advice on how to handle it emotionally, I would say you need to find new ways to spend your time in these months he's gonna be away. Hobbies, new friends, anything that gets you out of the house. You guys were joined at the hip before this and although you prepared mentally for his trip, it's different when it's the real deal. It happened too abruptly. You need something to occupy your free time so you're not harping on this the entire time. You will only get needier and more emotional. Dude, this weekend I have kept so busy... I am exhausted [could be another reason why I am being like this] and haven't spent a moment alone. I keep trying really hard to get excited about things, like moving in with my new room mates tomorrow, or starting school in two weeks, or even getting my new camera and doing shoots. Then something will happen, I will catch a moment alone, or zone out and think about my stupid nightmares I have had these last few nights... and BOOM. I am so emotional that I barely can think of anything to talk to him about, I feel like everything is so miniscule and unimportant. We are in this limbo of adjustment and he is taking it so well, while I am falling apart. I am seriously exhausted. The sucky part is, he isn't even in France yet, so I can't even have a strong connection with him. He is staying with a friend in SD and leaves tomorrow. Which means he has been calling me from their cell, making things even more difficult. I seriously can't wait until we both settle into our new lives and groove, because this limbo phase is eating me alive.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 The first few days are always the worst. IME, at least. Also, IME, most people have dealt with a few emotional days in their relationship before. If it's strong enough, a few days of bawling won't kill it. Chill. I've found that what helped, for me, would be to keep myself extra-busy. I had a few really great friends in college who purposefully arranged to take me out to do something fun after sending my bf to the airport, so that I wouldn't have time to sit in my room wallowing in the emptiness. It really helped. So go out, and do something fun. Funny you say that, the first night in town my best friend picked me up and we had a girls night. It definitely helped. Thank you for the bolded btw, just reading that made me feel a million times better. 1
Very soon Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I have had moments like this; I think Pms can make it worse... You have to remember it will not last and you have to be strong. I found not sitting around and thinking negatively will help loads. Try to keep yourself busy doing little hobbies and tasks, and get fresh air to help your mind. Also talking to my SO, which you are doing, helped me alot as I realised he felt the same but was keeping strong. He will not end it if he loves you. Don't think this; keep thinking positive. Send eachother pictures to be involved in eachothers life; this helped me too. It will pass and it is normal to have phases of sadness. Keep strong and it will be worth it in the end!! 1
HeavenOrHell Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I can't really give any advice as I've been doing this for 3 years 4 months now, and we've no end to it, I think you have an end at least? Imagine if you didn't, that's how it is for me, what I'm saying is; please appreciate the fact he will be coming back to you, this won't go on forever. I would so love to feel this is temporary for me.
skydiveaddict Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I don't know if it is because I am PMSing or what... but since the mister left my emotions have gone haywire. Where did he go? Was it a break up?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Where did he go? Was it a break up? France, definitely still together.
skydiveaddict Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 France, definitely still together. Aww hell. You'll be ok. From what I've read in your previous posts you are both crazy about each other. Don't sweat it. And besides, I've seen your profile pics. Any man that would let you go would be a damn fool. Did he have to go there because of work?
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Aww hell. You'll be ok. From what I've read in your previous posts you are both crazy about each other. Don't sweat it. And besides, I've seen your profile pics. Any man that would let you go would be a damn fool. Did he have to go there because of work? That was sweet of you to say. Not work, school. I feel so much better this morning. We got to talk on skype for a bit and I am so ready for him to just get there and get settled so I know what it is going to be like! A part of me was jealous he was exploring san diego without me, I had wished so badly I could have been part of that. Now that it is over I feel much better. Now onto working with the time change!
LittleTiger Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Good to hear you're feeling better miss_jaclynrae . Don't beat yourself up for feeling so down - it's pretty normal - especially in the beginning. You've had a bit of a shock to the system but you will get through this phase - especially when the PMS dies down. It's really important that you learn to deal with your emotions while he's away. As Elswyth says, a few days of bawling won't kill a good relationship. Several weeks or months of it will though - so you have to learn to be strong by yourself. He may be your best friend, but he can't be the only person you lean on - especially now he's far away and isn't physically able to be there for you. You'll drive him crazy with frustration because he'll feel helpless to comfort you. Now is your chance to show him that you're the strong, capable, cheerful, interesting woman he fell in love with. Whenever you talk to him, you want to remind him how amazing you are and what he's missing while he's away. Which means that, at least most of the time, it's better to cry on the shoulders of your friends. There's nothing wrong with the occasional tearful Skype/phone conversation if you're feeling particularly low but I'm sure, if you share all the good things that are going on in your life, rather than the loneliness, sadness and misery, you'll soon start to feel a lot better. 1
FitChick Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Learn to belly dance so that you can perform like a pro when you see him in a few months. It will keep you occupied.
Els Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Funny you say that, the first night in town my best friend picked me up and we had a girls night. It definitely helped. Thank you for the bolded btw, just reading that made me feel a million times better. Glad you're feeling better. It really does get better after a week or so, as long as you take steps to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with family and friends. Take heart. 1
veggirl Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Hey, don't push yourself to feel normal or good so fast. Your situation isn't the norm for you guys, it's perfectly okay to feel scared/upset/sad/lost/whatever. Feel the feelings, and let them go through you. Cry and that's okay. You are adjusting, you have to allow for that adjustment period, you can't expect to do a 180 overnight and for life w/o your bf to be GREAT out of the gate. You have to figure out your new (temporary) life and that takes time! It's okay to be upset right now. Just relax, feel your feelings and let them out and adjust accordingly. It is okay if it is a process, if it takes a few weeks to adjust. Don't rush it, a forced feeling is a fake feeling. You can't MAKE yourself comfortable with him gone. You just have to take the steps to get there, I think once he is in France it will be a little easier because it must be awful knowing he is so close yet so far away in san Diego. You'll be okay, spend your time for the next week how you want to, cry if you want, don't make yourself put on a happy face, just start getting used to life without him around. It doesn't mean immerse yourself in a happy face, just....slow down 2
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Seriously, thank you all for the kind words! He left this morning and is currently on his flight to Paris. I am so proud and excited for him. We got to chat for a tiny bit before he left, he was supposed to skype me before he boarded, but he was in security and I think he barely made his flight. I can't wait to see his face on Skype. I am so used to always knowing where he is... I just hope he is safe and everything went smoothly. I don't think I will end up sleeping much tonight. On a brighter note! I moved into my new place today. I am renting a room, and I like my room mate. It was so bizarre getting everything set up and buying stuff. I start school in a few days and this next week I just plan on doing... I don't know what. Right now just sorta sucks. I am living car free, and with no school I have very few options as to how to spend my time. My family lives too far for me to get to without a car and my best friend started working so she is pretty busy. I think it is time to find a new book to dive into. It is odd feeling like this is permanent when it is just temporary. It feels like I am back to my old single life, it is definitely far more difficult to adjust to this than I thought it was. Time difference here we come...
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 How long is he away for? He will be done with school in June, then I am flying there to spend 6-8 weeks there with him. As soon as we get our fix it is back to the cali.
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