Raz Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 (edited) Ex broke it off 2 weeks ago. It was a good relationship, with a respectful break up. Today, I am really upset. I went straight to NC and am finding it worse and worse as I go on. How can someone just forget like that? Was I that meaningless? I am full of sadness, anger and confusion. I feel like I am trapped in my own emotions. I have to see him in a month (not directly - we attend the same Uni) I want to move on but dread next month. I want to be over this. I am tired of my brain replaying old memories and bringing up old emotions. I try to distract myself, keep myself busy, and at first that worked great. I talked to friends and only cried a little bit, twice in the first week. Now I suppose it's all setting in and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. And also tired of disappointment. Nothing I say or vent to friends and family makes me feel better. I've been crying more. It's like an empty and anxious feeling. I can't even really put it into words but it is worse than my other past break ups. And I want it to go away, so badly. My brain swings back and fourth from deeply missing him and understanding his decision, and gaining confidence in myself - to anger that this is happening, fear, helplessness and missing him...emotionally, physically, sexually etc. When is this going to stop? I just want to be okay again! I want to reach into my head, pull out the memories and just shred them. It's like they are stuck in there. I want to be happy. I don't even care if it's with him anymore....I just want this pain to stop. Any words of encouragement are welcome. Edited August 12, 2013 by Raz 1
Legatus Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Don't think about next month. Focus on NOW and how to get your happiness back without him, which believe me is totally possible. If you focus solely on "how should I behave towards him when I go back to Uni" you're wasting your time. Why not use this time to improve yourself in general? It will make you stronger and it will come naturally to you (handling Uni). That's what dumpers tend to do. At least that's what they pretend to do. Like nothing happened. It's normal you're missing him, especially if the break up was respectful (not many like that around here) and relationship good. But it will pass. Start from not wanting to miss him, strong will is what you can start from. You keep yourself busy which is good, but don't think it is an ultimate "destroyer" of all thoughts or feelings. Being busy and around people will help you distract yourself so you can convince your mind and heart that you feel good without him as well. At some point you will notice the balance is moving towards "I'm ok without him" instead of "I'm missing him, I can't do it"
fujidabruin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 "You can't be like this" is so negative. My friend, I certainly feel for you. I am on day17 of full NC and it was torture for at least the first 10. I have to see her in about 3 weeks and I am not sure if I want to. So our situations are kinda similar. Hoping it will not matter what she is doing or how she looks at me. I feel I have detached from her quite a bit although I feel the love inside me still and I want to express it somewhere out in the world. So I have expressed it with my friends daily. Be positive and try to work on yourself. If what you had together was good then that is great. It has come to an end now and you will be able to love again if you want to. But, you need to get to that healthy place. Were you feeling good about you before the relationship began? If so, do what you can to get to that place and beyond. Start a project or just do the things you love and make you feel good. I hope the very best for you..... may we find peace.
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