Kant Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I feel very alone in my own head. I have wonderful friends a beautiful family and a good man who loves me and desperately wants to be with me. I know how selfish I am to complain, but I am just so frustrated. My ex and I had a very close physical and emotional bond which I miss terribly, but what is growing harder and harder to go with out is the intellectual connection. Talking about those things that for me make life beautiful (philosophy, art, politics). I talk with other people but its not the same, we are never on the same wave length. I don't have the thrill of feeling like I am learning about, or exploring and idea. I am not coping and its been well over a year since we broke up. I need time alone more then most people, I get along with everyone and I am considered an extravert. But not being able to really connect and talk is killing me. I feel trapped, I want to move on. I would love to make it work with this new guy (he is lovely), but I just can't seem to reconnect romantically with anyone. Emotionally, physically, intellectually It feels forced. There is nothing magic or beautiful all the excitement is gone. I know i'm just ranting. I know 'in time' it gets better. I know I am lucky in spite of loosing him. So I guess what I am asking is how to you reconnect? How do you kick start connection and desire? Thank you for listening to my ramblings
coffeebean201 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I wouldn't fantasize about this ex. People always remember the glamour of their last relationships, and none of the problems. It is always a false remembering of what it really was like. Besides that relationship is over. here is the thing, if you adjust, then your spouse/family/friends will adjust. so how about moving in the direction, incrementally, of more intellectual connections, and talking, learning, exploring, new ideas - SLOWLY move on and see if they follow. are there moments of magic/beauty/excitement in your life? 1
Author Kant Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 I wouldn't fantasize about this ex. People always remember the glamour of their last relationships, and none of the problems. It is always a false remembering of what it really was like. Besides that relationship is over. here is the thing, if you adjust, then your spouse/family/friends will adjust. so how about moving in the direction, incrementally, of more intellectual connections, and talking, learning, exploring, new ideas - SLOWLY move on and see if they follow. are there moments of magic/beauty/excitement in your life? There are moments, but now there alone and I can't share them. I don't want to go into it but it was a good relationship, we broke up because he got an offer I couldn't refuse for him (a full scholarship at a very prestigious university - he's a smart cookie). He never forgave me for hurting him. How do you mean adjust? Whats an example of what I could do?
mario_C Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 It's very tough to actually be alone, so be happy you have someone you like in your life who wants you back. Only advice I can give you is, seek people you can talk with and share or laugh with everywhere, not just as far as seeking a relationship or love or such things. 1
all_cats_rgray Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Connecting to people is a funny thing. I feel like people over romanticize there connections. When ever I get the internal voice. Of "Oh they where so special, oh why cant I connect, I feel like a alien." I try to say to my self. 7 billion. There are 7 billion people on this earth. I know, I know, that still dose not help when your on that date and you can't help but feel alone. It happens all the time. ALL the time. BUT. You know what happens. People fall in love even more then they break up. So one day you WILL feel the connection. A year is not a long time. It's once around the sun. I would be surprised and worried if you did find someone so special with in that year. (a rebound) Keep working on being happy alone first. This will make you stronger for when you do feel the pull. YOU will one day. 1
coffeebean201 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 There are moments, but now there alone and I can't share them. I don't want to go into it but it was a good relationship, we broke up because he got an offer I couldn't refuse for him (a full scholarship at a very prestigious university - he's a smart cookie). He never forgave me for hurting him. How do you mean adjust? Whats an example of what I could do? there is always the allure of living in the past, the glamour of that past love. why don't you visit with the important people in your life and take stock of where you are absolutely today, and where they are today. before you make any decisions or adjustments. because it sounds like you are in limbo right now and waiting around never brought magic to anyone's life
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