Ireallydontknow Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 My fiance and I have been together for 5 years. Yesterday we finalized it and broke up. The relationship always started rock and I should of saw all the signs. I was weak to her, I always thought shes so pretty I won't find another pretty girl who likes video games! (She really wasn't THAT into games too). So I settled and I questioned myself about her, but when i would get those thoughts I ignored him and said "I really do love her, she'll change and we'll work on these things together." About a year ago she was trying to leave me because she was upset about how jealous I would get. I would get jealous because she spent a huge majority of her time on facebook and would just chat with any dude that would want to chat with her. Most of them opened up the conversation with "Ohhh youre so pretty!" I got pissed because I wanted them to be interested in her for being a cool girl, not because she was pretty. Well I worked on myself. I actually started becoming this awesome human being and she -seemed- happy until a month later. She called me up loaded saying "I felt weird, I don't want you to be home when I get there." I later on found out she told some facebook twit she loved him and he said he loved her back, then she tried going to his house, drunk! Ironically she got there and he already had a girl over. She came home bawing and I tried not to revel in it. I was still planning on leaving. I remember packing my stuff 3 days later when she came back into the room and took my hands "Don't go..." she whispered. My head swelled up and I dropped my stuff. I wish I left. I didn't realize that I was some second place trophy. Almost a month into getting back and working on stuff I was feeling very...clingy, needy, self esteem was really low. It just kept getting worse and worse. I was questioning if this is what I want and I slowly started mourning the relationship that was bound to be over. Almost a year later. She want's a break out of the blue. It wasn't coincidence that she started using facebook? and reached out to that guy. Well sure enough the second day into our break she had sex with him. I was very calm about it, I tried to be understanding, shes just young (22) shes been with me for 5 years and knew nothing else. I offered her a chance, but we needed couples therapy. It wasn't until I was like you can't talk to facebook guy anymore. She broke down and said she wouldn't stop talking to him. So I was like Yeah..."Then I guess that leaves us no where" I took some of my stuff, refused hugging her, said a brief good bye and left. I'm doing full NC every once in a while I'll catch a glimpse of her somewhere on facebook. I set myself to single, deleted her from facebook, I deleted her pictures, and I hid her wedding ring. I was SO pissed yesterday(when we broke up 8/11/2013) I thought I was so over her already! I woke up and the first thing that I thought about was her, yet I hated her. I wanted to listen to music today, but I couldn't because we shared a lot of favorite songs. This is tough. I'm moving soon to get away from this. I'll be checking into a weight loss spa for 3 weeks and then I'm getting a car after not having one for over a year(Fiance would love to drain my finances and NOT work either!) I'm just sick of thinking about her with every passing activity..."Oh she would love this" "Oh I want to tell her about the spa trip!" I dunno, it's hard, I'm venting, thanks for listening.
Author Ireallydontknow Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 I forgot to add that while on our break which we stated we would be committed. She cheated on me like the second day of us being apart. I wasn't surprised.
Mcscooter Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Hell yeah! you did the right thing, You got yourself on the right track. It's going to hurt first, but once you start moving on and healing. You will or you already realize it was for the better. She cheated on you. You even gave her a chance. I mean Holy Sh*t man. Do yourself a favor and find someone who actually deserves your love.
Author Ireallydontknow Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 When we were breaking up she was telling how she pictured me falling in love when I move to Japan with another teacher. I just felt like she was pawning me off. I was being so nice and understanding. The next day all I want to do is just rip into her, tell her bad things, make her feel bad for what she did and is doing. I miss her like crazy, everything is reminding me of her, I'm scared because I'm going to have to call her soon to get the rest of my stuff before I move. I'm just tired of the stitches being ripped open.
Author Ireallydontknow Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Well I just tried calling three times to set up a time to get my stuff before I move. Am I also crazy for trying to date right away? I just feel so alone, I miss the connection to another human being like I had. I feel like I don't even know how to date anymore, half the time I talk to these girls and they rarely talk back or ignore the conversation all together.
Mcscooter Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Well I just tried calling three times to set up a time to get my stuff before I move. Am I also crazy for trying to date right away? I just feel so alone, I miss the connection to another human being like I had. I feel like I don't even know how to date anymore, half the time I talk to these girls and they rarely talk back or ignore the conversation all together. Looking for a rebound, if it makes you feel better than do it. otherwise than that. Get yourself together, calm down, make plans and execute them. I mean your break up just happened. It's not going to heal in one day. Instead of thinking about her. You have to think about yourself. Go hit up some friends ask them to take you out sometimes to socialize meet new people and find new adventures. It'll keep your mind off her and you'll be thinking differently about your lifestyle. Sometimes we have to change for the better.
bubbaganoosh Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Why do you want to jump into another relationship when in your heart and mind, your not over the one that you just got out of. I'm sorry that your fiancé broke up with you and your going to need some time to heal. Right now you just want a warm body. I understand but if your still carrying around feelings for your former, how can you give the proper attention to a girl who might come along and really like you and want to have a relationship. Your not giving her a fair chance and if she is an intelligent girl, she's going to pick up on that your still not over your fiancé and she's going to feel like the fall back woman. Not fair at all. You wouldn't like it so what makes you think that she would? Take a step back, give yourself some breathing room, get over your fiancé and then you can find another woman and with luck, someone with a little more class than you had before.
Author Ireallydontknow Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 I'm not sure what I miss. I honestly think I just miss the companionship. She turned into the stereotypical b**** at the end to "spare my feelings." I guess when I just kept putting up with the crap she cheated on me. Seriously though I just miss having a connection. I'm pretty lonely right now :/
Virgil876 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Hang in there, I felt like that around 2.5 weeks ago right after the breakup, it will definitely get better.
Author Ireallydontknow Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Well I told the girl(not my ex, I'm moving thursday, It's so hard to move on like this...) my situation, that I'd be cool with hanging out, grabbing some dinner, but I'm going to take it real slow because I'm vulnerable right now. It's been tough. She crosses my mind a lot. I made the mistake of asking about her when I called her dad to work something about getting my stuff. He said she wasn't there. It killed me knowing how fast she just moved to the next person in such a serious manner. That's not healthy right? I think she has been wanting this guy for a year until he finally became single. My family suggests I just leave everything behind at her house. They said they will start me anew. But I have my documents over there, birth cert, ss card, and I don't know where they are so I'm going to have to dig for them. I'm just going to tell her dad to let her know not to be there when I'm there. I want her to suffer and know what it's like having such a great person out of her life, someone who did nothing but sacrifice for a person who was just looking for her next self esteem boost, a person who put everything into his goals, anxiety or not, so that we could move ahead in life. Only to go with the guy with the car and his own place. You were so desperate to get out of a ****ty situation at home. Instead of working with me, you worked against me, and it fing hurts. I'm scared she'll wise up with this guy and be everything I wanted her to be. It would hurt me, because of all the time I tried to get her to grow up. When I last talked to her while breaking up she said "____ doesn't have expectations of me." WTF? WTF does that even mean? Is it so wrong I wanted my fiance to CARE about her future? Everyone says she'll be back, but I can't. I couldn't do it because I know she'll never be the girl I wanted her to be. She'll never work, she'll never assume responsibility. 22 years old and maybe worked 6 months out of 4 years as an adult. No license, always on facebook chatting. It's good to list these flaws, I want her off the pedestal so bad. She was very pretty, she had that, and well the sex was freaking great. I wonder if I'm healing because all I can think about is how pretty she is, and if I'll ever find such a great sexual partner again. Of course in bad hours all I can think about was our "special bond" and our "togetherness" I guess nostalgia is a b****, I await the day you put your nostalgia glasses on and see what you through away. I await the day you check up on me and I've lost weight, got a place, got a career, and got someone who deserves and returned the love I so desperately thought you deserved. Thanks for reading this, I just had a lot on my mind. I woke up thinking about her, and right now I feel okay. I'm just bored, and ready to start working on my new life. I think I have a real opportunity ahead of me. Part of just wishes it was one I could of had with her.
Author Ireallydontknow Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Well she just called. She was looking for her food stamp card(because she refuses to work.) I picked up, I don't know why. I shouldn't have. We were very brief with each other. "I don't know where it is, I'm coming by thursday to get my stuff and I don't think you should be there." She agreed she shouldn't be there and we just said bye. After the call I got a bit of anxiety. Why didn't she have her dad call? Why did she call? Hasn't she hurt me enough? Just hearing her voice my fing head spin. It took me awhile to get over it. I am good now, I still miss her so much. I think about her getting in the car with her new man and being so excited to see him. I miss that, I miss someone caring about me. Maybe I should of cared about myself more and I wouldn't of gotten into this. In good news my appetite is back, but I need to watch what I eat! I'm losing weight so I can attract me a nerdy dream girl <3
Author Ireallydontknow Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Yeah I don't see how people can throw away 5 years with someone they say they still love. To try something new with someone they say they love also. Of course NEW! FRESH! and EXCITING! Is always going to look good. I'm scared to make connections now. I don't want to go through all this pain again. I'm more scared of trust and making that connection than anything. I think that is whats going to get in the way of me finding someone. I'm going to keep working on myself. I'm going to pay Magic like she never wanted me to. I'm going to make new friends and not have to worry if she is going to embarrass me because she can't keep her mouth shut.
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