avacado Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 It's been 7 months now since we broke up. It's been so overwhelming and hard, I think about her constantly, probably as much now as I did when it happened. I realized I was taking it irrationally hard so I finally worked up the courage to see a therapist yesterday and talk it over. We resolved that it would be OK for me to check in with her after mostly no contact all this time, either to get closure or maybe plant the seeds of getting back together. With a renewed confidence, I was about to write to her when I saw my friend's laptop, logged in to his facebook account on the table. I had deleted her long ago, but why not make sure she's still single before I send her something? This was one of the most foolish decisions I've ever made. Even after all these months of agony, I couldn't have anticipated the feeling when I saw that she now has a boyfriend. I would never wish this feeling on anyone. Some other man makes her breakfast in bed. Watches movies with her parents. Maybe he makes her happier than I did in ways that I can't help but imagine. It makes sense now, why she didn't contact me on my recent birthday. And now there's solid evidence that I'm alone in this, she doesn't pine for me and wait for me to call like I do for her. I have been replaced. So obviously, I'm feeling a tad insane today and even more unsure of what to do. It sounds completely crazy, but I still want to reach out to her. Maybe she still misses me and there's a chance I can get her back. I know you aren't "supposed" to do this, but it's so hard to believe that something so real and wonderful that you shared for so long with another person can just disappear. Sometimes I wonder what the hell the point of falling in love is. I know I'm being irrational. I'm youngish still, I'm getting an advanced degree, I have a lot of great friends. But I feel like I'll never find anyone like her again. This sounds cliche, but I can't see past it. And I wonder if reaching out to her will get me some closure, or just create frustration. Any pearls of wisdom are appreciated.
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 No. Really, don't do it. Clearly, notwithstanding the depth and intensity of your relationship, clearly she didn't feel about it the way you do. For her, it's well and truly over. You suddenly intruding into her new life and relationship will seriously piss her off. Big mistake checking. But just as well you did. Now you know. Time to let go, and move on. Seriously, it is.
reddragon588 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Was it a bad idea? Probably... but don't let it get you down because it can turn into a great move for you. You now know that she is moving on and the door is shut. You can use this as the motivation to move on yourself. Continue to see your therapist and you will continue to progress. As far as feeling like you'll never find anyone like her again... well... you won't! Every person is unique and every relationship is unique. You won't find anyone like her again, but you will find someone again... and in all likelihood, someone better! Do not ruminate on the thought of not finding someone like her again, and if you can't get past it... then realize she won't find someone like you again! And she ruined her chance at having someone like you- her loss! You're doing all the right things- seeing a therapist will help you immensely. Continue to focus on your studies and keep moving forward. You might not be there emotionally yet, but as long as you continue to take the right actions to move forward, you'll get there!
Nyclovin Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I know people say this alot.... But every single word you wrote applies to me except that's its only been 3 months now . The part of him watching movies with her parents was particularly close to home and eerie. I have no answers , I am no sage, no wisdom , I would say just know that she is dead to you . You don't send letters to the dead .
Author avacado Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Thank you, I was going to send something tonight but I won't now. TaraMaiden - it wouldn't be like her to get pissed off over something like that, but I suppose it would still be disrespectful to her new life, and it would make me look pretty weak. 2
richard9 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Damn, I really feel for you. Time to focus on you again. I know my ex will probably have a boyfriend by now, but as the poster above said he wont be anything like me, she has lost out on someone who would give everything and anything for her, her loss. Stay strong mate, stay NC, dont ever look at her facebook again. Time to move on, well try anyway ;-) 1
Author avacado Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 This is so damn hard. A pretty girl just left my bed after staying over, we had sex but it wasn't that great because I couldn't relax. I haven't really been with girls since the breakup, and while I thought last night would make me feel better, this new girl just makes my ex seem so much better in comparison. So much sweeter and deeper. I haven't slept in days. And I feel again like I should contact her, if nothing else just to tell her how I feel. But I won't, it won't do a bit of good, I'm aware. I ****ed up so bad by letter this one go, not trying harder to get her back in those critical weeks after the breakup.
orionboxing Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 (edited) It's been 7 months now since we broke up. How long were you with her? Depending on the length of the relationship, you might be able to get on with your life rather quickly.... Edited August 12, 2013 by orionboxing 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I ****ed up so bad by letter this one go, not trying harder to get her back in those critical weeks after the breakup. Probably nothing would have changed. Once they decide to go, they're gone. Nothing you can do at that point... Try not to beat yourself up too much. 1
iouaname Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 This is so damn hard. A pretty girl just left my bed after staying over, we had sex but it wasn't that great because I couldn't relax. I haven't really been with girls since the breakup, and while I thought last night would make me feel better, this new girl just makes my ex seem so much better in comparison. So much sweeter and deeper. I haven't slept in days. And I feel again like I should contact her, if nothing else just to tell her how I feel. But I won't, it won't do a bit of good, I'm aware. I ****ed up so bad by letter this one go, not trying harder to get her back in those critical weeks after the breakup. Honestly, it wouldn't have mattered. I chased my ex for two months after the breakup and it made no difference. It might have even made things worse! I would REALLY urge against reaching out and to keep forward with no contact until you're over things completely. 1
Author avacado Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Thank you for all of your help. I felt so low today but after reading this and the "Long Walk" pinned thread I feel better. Some real gems in there, worth a second and even a third read.
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