forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Hello everyone, I've been emailing back and forth with periods of no contact with a guy I met online. I am VERY interested, I find him extremely attractive and nice, and I do want to meet him in person. Three weeks ago I sent him an email asking him how was he doing. He replied, I replied back and then never again. Yesterday he emailed me and I could see in the thread there was a previous email I never received in which he told me how was he doing. It was the reply I thought he never wrote from 3 weeks ago. (How angry I was I might have deleted it without realizing!!) OK, so back to yesterday....email back and forth all the afternoon. Never asked me to meet. It's just a little bit of flirtation, but what is wrong with this guy?? today's my birthday, he emailed me "happy birthday" and nothing more.... Why did he contact me yesterday? I want to meet him! I don't know what to do so he'll invite me out! Some background: He's recently separated ( two weeks when we first started emailing), he told me he was emailing someone else when we first started contact 2 months ago, and then I discovered he actually meet her, and broke up with her couple weeks later. what to do?
nescafe1982 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 He probably wanted to contact you again but didn't want to seem weird... so he waited until your birthday as a pretext for sending another message. As for other people he's seeing... beats me. If you like him, though... keep chatting!
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Yeah, but why he doesn't invite me out?
nescafe1982 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 He's recently separated ( two weeks when we first started emailing), he told me he was emailing someone else when we first started contact 2 months ago, and then I discovered he actually meet her, and broke up with her couple weeks later. Both of these could be why he hasn't asked you out yet. 1) he's recently separated and maybe hesitant, and 2) he was seeing someone else at one point so he lapsed in talking to you, until he was sure he wasn't into her. 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Question: Why don't YOU - invite HIM out....? 3
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Because I've tried already (when he was talking to the other girl, we agreed to have some coffee the following week, 2 moths ago, but he disappeared- he was seeing the other girl at that time) and I don't want to hit against the wall again.
sillyanswer Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 "Thanks for your message. Are we going to meet? Not looking for a pen pal." That's your next message. 6
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Mmm, that's pretty straightforward, I don't want to scare him... Do I continue with the chit chat and wait for his next move? Thing is my hearth goes faster when I see his name in my inbox :S
ScreamingTrees Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 "Thanks for your message. Are we going to meet? Not looking for a pen pal." That's your next message. I agree. How else is anything going to happen? He's either going to be the one to make the move, or not. You either are, or not. In that case, nothing will happen.
sillyanswer Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Mmm, that's pretty straightforward, I don't want to scare him... Do I continue with the chit chat and wait for his next move? Thing is my hearth goes faster when I see his name in my inbox :S If that scares him away then he wasn't really interested. 5
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 OK, sounds reasonable. Everyone here thinks I should invite him out?? I promise I'll do what the majority thinks
nescafe1982 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 "Thanks for your message. Are we going to meet? Not looking for a pen pal." That's your next message. My experience tells me that if you have any chance with the guy, a little directness at this point will actually attract him. Men like a woman who knows (and unapologetically asserts) her worth. Confidence is key! If he balks... well, you don't want a dude who's faint of heart... right? 2
Sunshine87 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 OK, sounds reasonable. Everyone here thinks I should invite him out?? I promise I'll do what the majority thinks Hey. Did you send the message? I think the message above ( the one that reads something like "When are we meeting up? I don't want a pen pal") is a bit too direct lol. It sounds a bit......demanding. That's jus my opinion. Smetimes, you need to be patient. If it's starting to wear you out, them avoid him for a while until you regain some strength.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 ok, I just sent him an email with a pic of me at the pool moments ago...If he replies, I'll ask him if he'd like to hang out sometime. Ugh, he's so cute he must have tons of girls...And I'm so silly with all this dating thing. I've been seeing someone since December to June but it was a disaster. The guy didn't love me while I was totally invested in him, I suffered A LOT. I just don't want to get hurt again
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Hey. Did you send the message? I think the message above ( the one that reads something like "When are we meeting up? I don't want a pen pal") is a bit too direct lol. It sounds a bit......demanding. That's jus my opinion. Smetimes, you need to be patient. If it's starting to wear you out, them avoid him for a while until you regain some strength. Hey there! Yeah...I think it's too direct too, specially since he's been very cautious with me always. Now's the worst part, waiting him to reply. How I hate this feeling of not knowing if he really wants to meet me or if he's just bored and decided to play a bit... He's the only one after my break up that makes my hearth race every time I see his email.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Whoah - this guy is very recently separated? This is an honest question. Do you like chasing unavailable men who don't seem that into you? He's separated for about 3 months now, I guess. He always seemed a little hesitant, and was me who messaged first, he never seemed two excited Yes, I tend to get involved with guys who are unavailable because I am unavailable myself. I'm very scared to to have a real relationship. I discovered this after I started No contact with the guy I met this December. That's the honest truth. but I still want to meet him.
Star Gazer Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 ok, I just sent him an email with a pic of me at the pool moments ago... I really hope it wasn't of you in a bikini or showing cleav or something. 2
Sunshine87 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 He's separated for about 3 months now, I guess. He always seemed a little hesitant, and was me who messaged first, he never seemed two excited Yes, I tend to get involved with guys who are unavailable because I am unavailable myself. I'm very scared to to have a real relationship. I discovered this after I started No contact with the guy I met this December. That's the honest truth. but I still want to meet him. But it's sort of clear that you might get yourself hurt. I'm sure you're tired of the pain ......
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 I really hope it wasn't of you in a bikini or showing cleav or something. just legs with the swimming pool, nothing too daring
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 But it's sort of clear that you might get yourself hurt. I'm sure you're tired of the pain ...... nothing to say here. you're completely right. he hasnt replied yet, I don't think he'll do because he always replies instantly and it's more than 3 hours already. I don't want to experience the pain I've experienced before, thus I need to considerate forgetting about him at this point before I get more involved.
mortensorchid Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Hon, don't bother. You already asked to meet him, he said no. He's NEVER going to ask to meet you because of some excuse or another, and you cannot always blame technology in this case. Move on. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 He's just looking for some post-separation ego stroking from cute girls, and you (along with many others, I'm sure) are giving it to him, without anything in return. 6
Author forgetmenot75 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Thank you so much for this!!!! I appreciate your honesty, and helps me see things more clearly.
NoMoreJerks Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 (edited) OP, I haven't read the updates so I don't know what happened but for what it's worth: I had a guy do that with me -- he kept mssging back and forth and was interested in what I had to say, but it increasingly felt like a pen pal situation so I asked him out and he was ok with going on a date. It turned out he was equally boring in real life as he was online and constantly talked about his job and didn't ask much about me... maybe he was nervous. It got a little better after dinner, when we went for a drink at the pub, but only slightly. He was very socially awkward, so I attributed his performance during the dinner, and his lack of initiation for the date, to that.. I don't think he was not interested, because he kept writing long messages discussing stuff with me? So I am guessing either the guy is not interested in you but is maintaining low contact in order to keep you around in case he runs out of options (which might be the case especially if he is not writing long messages / emails about stuff you talk about), or he is socially awkward/shy/doesn't want to take the chance and get rejected? I don't know. With the guy I asked out, I couldn't imagine him asking me out any time soon if I hadn't asked him out. I got too tired of writing long messages so I thought it was time to meet and see where this was headed. Edit: in this situation I agree with Star Gazer's take on it. Edited August 12, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
Tinkerbelll Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Ok, I am not experienced at all in online dating, so maybe I cannot understand things properly. Anyway, I respect you too much forgetmenot not to say what I honestly think. So, I read a book of Patricia Allen some time ago that really opened my eyes in terms of relationships, you should get it. Based on her theories, I cannot see a future at the moment. Somehow, I think that that guy doesn't want to be chased or, worst, approached with very direct messages like I saw above! These are my two cents, but I think that usually it's the guy who wants to run the game, at least at the beginning. So I would stop contacting him and wait for him to move, which will happen for sure in the future, unless he doesn't care at all and in this case I think you won' t miss anything.
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