SmithJ Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 After a couple of weeks of ignoring ex's breadcrumbs he sent me a text asking to meet because he loves me and misses me and wants to meet up to see how we felt. I agreed and he drove 3 hours to see me. We ended up going for a couple of drinks and eventually ended up at mine, he came onto me and after resisting a couple of times I gave in, after last night I realised I was so still in love with him so it felt natural. The was amazing and in the morning (this morning) we were cuddling on the couch and then he left. We didn't speak about the break up at all or what went wrong, it just felt like old times and I was so so happy. We laughed a lot and It was nice. I was expecting a text from him when he got home and he never text me so I text him asking what was going on and his reply was 'I'm still not sure, it's really confusing isn't it. I'll let you know when I know. I did enjoy myself though. I just need more time' I replied saying that this was fine, I can give him time but after thinking things through I decided that I couldn't give him the time as it wasn't fair on me, so I told him he needs to make a decision either way and if he doesn't want to work on things then the kindest thing he can do is to leave me alone as I'm too in love with him to be friends. He didn't reply, that was hours ago and I've heard nothing. I feel used, embarrassed and I've acted desperate. I feel ashamed of myself for sleeping with him but more for thinking that it meant we were going to make a go of it. I feel horrible, really really awful. I really thought last night meant something and he's dismissed it as nothing. Has anyone been in this situation, I need advice of how to make myself feel better because right now I feel so low, like I'm nothing. I can't stop crying and I feel like I'm back at square one. Hurting so much, need advice.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Go NC again and stick to it until YOU are in a comfortable position. Not him. You went back before you were ready and got suckered. Lesson learned. 3
Author SmithJ Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Thanks Simon, I will. NC is a given now but I just feel so stupid that I thought we'd get back together. he's mad to drive 3 hours to get into my pants and I hate him for doing it. I just feel dumb and stupid, my expectations were unrealistic but I just feel like I'm worthless now. I genuinely thought he loved me and would want me again. I was doing well until I fell for it. How can someone you love SO much and would do anything for turn around and hurt you again so much.. I'll never understand.
GG3 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I've been there! I had a guy who used to do that. He really wanted the sex part but then would tell me he wasn't sure about getting back together. He was a real jerk. Don't beat yourself up. NOW you know what he's like and next time he wants to hang out...you get to tell him how it is. "Sure we can meet for coffee or something but there will be no sleeping together." Make it known that if he wants sex he will have to have committed to working things FIRST. I'm betting he will be back and you will get your chance to do that. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Thanks Simon, I will. NC is a given now but I just feel so stupid that I thought we'd get back together. he's mad to drive 3 hours to get into my pants and I hate him for doing it. I just feel dumb and stupid, my expectations were unrealistic but I just feel like I'm worthless now. I genuinely thought he loved me and would want me again. I was doing well until I fell for it. How can someone you love SO much and would do anything for turn around and hurt you again so much.. I'll never understand. You aren't worthless, you just leapt five steps ahead in your mind and you let it cloud your judgement. You weren't ready and unfortunately, it played out terribly. Now you know and you can use this experience as a learning tool and as a motivation to not cut corners on your recovery.
JDPT Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 And you don't need to understand everything that occurred during and after the relationship. As stated previously, make this work in your favor and use it as a learning experience. We all have our weak moments at times and it's a matter of how you handle those moments that makes it valuable or not. I can only suggest to not obsess over what occurred, let it in the past where it belongs. Reroute your thoughts and move forward with your life, NC is stating the obvious. Once again don't feel bad about what occurred, simply live and learn. 2
Author SmithJ Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 GG3 thanks for your reply, who are these men?! It's so hurtful that someone you love would treat you this way. I don't think I'd agree though if he asked to see me as I can't take the risk of being hurt again, it really is awful. What's the saying.. If it happens once fool you if it happens again fool me. That's how I feel. Simon that's exactly what happened my expectations were high but that was because he made it sound like he wanted it to work, I was lead into a false sense of security and now I'm hurting again. I've got a feeling that everything isn't as it seems, perhaps he has someone else on the scene and he wants to see how things play out with her but it isn't any of my business, it's just sh*t how I'm back here again. Day 1 NC starts tomorrow, cant believe i'm back here
Author SmithJ Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Thanks JD...I need to concentrate on myself again rather than obsessing. It's my own pride that's taken a knock more than anything, I'm not one to sleep around and it just hurts, feel like ive been taken advantage of by him. Really isn't a nice feeling when someone thinks they've got you hanging on a thread and they can come and go as they please in and out of your life.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 GG3 thanks for your reply, who are these men?! It's so hurtful that someone you love would treat you this way. I don't think I'd agree though if he asked to see me as I can't take the risk of being hurt again, it really is awful. What's the saying.. If it happens once fool you if it happens again fool me. That's how I feel. Simon that's exactly what happened my expectations were high but that was because he made it sound like he wanted it to work, I was lead into a false sense of security and now I'm hurting again. I've got a feeling that everything isn't as it seems, perhaps he has someone else on the scene and he wants to see how things play out with her but it isn't any of my business, it's just sh*t how I'm back here again. Day 1 NC starts tomorrow, cant believe i'm back here But if you were ready you would have taken that with a grain of salt and a "let's see how it plays out" approach rather than getting all excited and jumping in. But like I said, it's a learning experience. You were careless, you got burned, now you know.
Author SmithJ Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Simon, I know. Hugh lesson learnt but it's still hard when the person who is hurting you is the one you love. I wasn't ready but didn't want to miss this opportunity with him. I really need to be stronger in future, I feel like I love someone who isn't available to me. What makes it worse is that he cant say 'no I don't see a future' instead he says he's confused and needs more time. It's really cowardly for him not to say he doesn't want to get back together.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Simon, I know. Hugh lesson learnt but it's still hard when the person who is hurting you is the one you love. I wasn't ready but didn't want to miss this opportunity with him. I really need to be stronger in future, I feel like I love someone who isn't available to me. What makes it worse is that he cant say 'no I don't see a future' instead he says he's confused and needs more time. It's really cowardly for him not to say he doesn't want to get back together. You looked at it wrong. It's he who shouldn't miss an opportunity with you, not the other way around. He took his fishing pole, dangled some bait, you jumped at it. And they aren't ever going to tell you off if they think they can get something from you. He likes having you as a backup option and he's not going to give that up. It's up to YOU, not him, to release yourself from that status. Closure comes from you, not from him.
Author SmithJ Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 I'm begging to feel like the back up but it just upsets me that someone can do that to someone else. It's horrible, personally i'd never use anyone as a back up plan, it's just cruel beyond belief.
JDPT Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I'm begging to feel like the back up but it just upsets me that someone can do that to someone else. It's horrible, personally i'd never use anyone as a back up plan, it's just cruel beyond belief. You keep obsessing over it, reroute your thoughts, as stated live and learn. Don't waste your time trying to find answers to what occurred, you can't rationalize the irrational.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I'm begging to feel like the back up but it just upsets me that someone can do that to someone else. It's horrible, personally i'd never use anyone as a back up plan, it's just cruel beyond belief. More reason not to entertain staying in contact with this person, no?
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