facingforward Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Hello all So I have been dealing with a breakup recently and felt like I was doing well but things just seem to be getting harder and harder so I felt maybe it was time to write something about it. We were together for 3 years, graduated together, travelled together, moved to London to start our careers together. For a few reasons we went on a break, which was mutual. Then she wanted to get back together, I wasn't ready yet, I waited too long and she met somebody else, I later tried to get things back together but I guess I just left it too long and she moved on. We stayed close even when we weren't together, and this year slept together a few times. Even when I said I wanted to get back together for a time it looked as if it was going to happen but then I guess she just got cold feet. It's difficult because when we were together it was so good, we never had fights, completely understood each other, were so comfortable with each other. Anyway, I guess the only real thing of importance here is that she decided she doesn't want to be with me, and that is what I have to accept. So she told me this about a month ago. She lives across the road from me and we have loads of mutual friends, one of whom I lived with. I feel like I have done all the positive things I need to do to get through this, even if they're difficult: No contact for a month now, since she told me she didn't want to be together. I've moved out of my flat and in with new people who don't know her in a different part of the city. Made peace with myself over the way things turned out - I don't regret us going on a break because if we didn't then I think our relationship would have suffered. I know that I couldn't have tried to get things back together with her sooner because it was only right for me to do it when I was ready. I've been hanging out with friends, meeting new people, spending time with people who don't know the group/situation. Anyway, now that I have moved house the excitement of doing that has gone, I've settled in and just feel a bit sad, empty, ostracised from my friendship group. I know it's bad for me but my head can't stop thinking about the things I should have done, the future I'm missing out on. I'm torturing myself with wondering whether she'll get in touch, or there is ever a chance of us getting back together. All stupid and I know I shouldn't but can't help it. I felt like I had made some really positive steps but now I just feel like I'm regressing back to how I felt when we first broke up. Shouldn't it be getting better now, not harder?!
Charym88 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 It's getting harder probably because you two have mutual friends. It's hard to completely get over the stump that easily when they aren't 100% completely disconnected from you. I am in the same boat as well. From day 1 to day 7 (today) I have gotten better, but today just seems like I'm back pedaling to day 1. Maybe the people here were right, maybe I shouldn't have read our Yahoo IM's from when we first met or read his Facebook page. SO in your situation with the mutual friends and mines with the LC is what may be causing us to back pedal. You may need to get away from all mutual friends as well for a while. They will only remind you of her 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 No contact isn't a linear healing process. There are ups and downs and you are just feeling a down. It's completely normal to have setbacks as far as how you feel. But as you go on, the setbacks will occur less and they'll have less strength. There no time limit on this. It takes as long as it takes. And for most, it will take a lot longer than a month. So don't feel bad and keep with it. 2
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