Kristopher1 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) (sorry for the spelling error in the topic lol) Hey guys, So I met this girl a few days ago in a shop where she works. She initiated the conversation by saying she dislikes her job etc, I told her I know of a job that might be available and I'd let her know. The job wasn't available at the end, but we started speaking to each other a little bit via text, (she's 20, I'm 25). Anyway, she said that she's just come out of a rough relationship where she loved the guy and is now enjoying the single life and isn't looking for a relationship. She said she's had enough of guys lying to her etc. I said I understand. We've seen each other a little bit and I get on really well with this girl, and I'm always making her laugh and I can only assume that she likes me too, she's called me sweet, cute, caring etc. I've complimented her a fair bit too. I told her that if she wasn't thrilled about being single I would have asked you out for a coffee or dinner or something, and her response was "I would have said yes but I don't wanna lead you on, I like being independent and I'm honestly not ready for a relationship" I said that I understand her and I wouldn't put any pressure on her at all. So I'm just wondering where do I go from here? Shall I just leave her alone and stop messaging her? she seems to respond quite late to my messages, say every 1-2 hours and then saying she's really sorry, this happened etc. And it seems as though I'm the one initiating the conversations we have. It's just odd because when I speak to her it seems as though we really do connect and she's really happy. Anyway, sorry for rambling on, just one of those things I guess. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks Edited August 11, 2013 by Kristopher1
TigerCub Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Hey Kris, I know you like her, and she's enjoying your company, and likes talking to you and likes the attention you give her.... But, she says she's not ready, so even if it develops a bit more - you're going to be the rebound and she will have a lot of baggage. I just went through a breakup recently, and a few weeks ago, a seemingly nice and cute guy asked me out, I told him pretty much what that girl said to you, he gave me his number anyways and told me to text him if I just wanted to meet up and chat. I still haven't. It is tempting, but I know he asked me out, obviously to date and I don't want to lead him on, because I know, that at this time, I have nothing to offer. So, my advice is to just leave it for now. If she has things to get over and work out, she won't be able to offer you much. 2
Author Kristopher1 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Hey Tiger, Thanks for your response! I too have just got out of a relationship, it's been around three months now so I guess I'm just trying to move on. Do you suggest I stop contacting her? I don't want to to feel as though I'm being desperate or needy, which isn't the case. Do you think it's a good idea I just let her message me if she's interested to talk? Cheers man 1
TigerCub Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Hey Tiger, Thanks for your response! I too have just got out of a relationship, it's been around three months now so I guess I'm just trying to move on. Do you suggest I stop contacting her? I don't want to to feel as though I'm being desperate or needy, which isn't the case. Do you think it's a good idea I just let her message me if she's interested to talk? Cheers man Good for you for wanting to move on after your breakup As for this girl, I think you should just say something like 'I enjoy your company, but I know you said you're not ready to date, so I just don't want to create a situation you wouldn't be comfortable in. Drop me a line if/when you're ready, take care' That tells her you liked her, and also says that you don't want to rush her or be a rebound either. Then it's up to her to get in touch when she's ready. In the meantime, keep looking and find other people to date. Also, watch out for the possibility of her getting in touch, but still not being ready - because that just takes you back to square 1. 2
Author Kristopher1 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Thanks Tiger, I went along and said exactly that, and here was the response: "lol kris, I have been single for two years and I'm still not over my ex. But I hope you find the girl your looking for. I'll text ya every now and then we can be friends but nothing more than that. If you don't want to I'll understand." Sigh lol
Woop1337 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Be wary of women, who gives disclaimers like (just got out of a rough relationship, I like the single life, etc.). Because women who really likes you will not/rarely make any statements that might deter you from pursuing them. Right when she said you were cute, sweet, and adorable. You should've packed your bags. Because you we're on your way to the VIP section of the friendzone. 1
Author Kristopher1 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Be wary of women, who gives disclaimers like (just got out of a rough relationship, I like the single life, etc.). Because women who really likes you will not/rarely make any statements that might deter you from pursuing them. Right when she said you were cute, sweet, and adorable. You should've packed your bags. Because you we're on your way to the VIP section of the friendzone. Why doesn't she just say that then, why play games :/ Perhaps being single is better, can't win either way lol
TigerCub Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Thanks Tiger, I went along and said exactly that, and here was the response: "lol kris, I have been single for two years and I'm still not over my ex. But I hope you find the girl your looking for. I'll text ya every now and then we can be friends but nothing more than that. If you don't want to I'll understand." Sigh lol Take this as positive thing. you now know just how hung up she is still with her ex. You were clear and respectful, and so was she and now you know to look elsewhere. If you want to be friends with her, it's up to you, but don't be friends hoping for more. Hope the next girl is more emotionally available.
bentleychic Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 If you want to be friends with her, it's up to you, but don't be friends hoping for more. Bingo! Everybody could use more friends, right?
TigerCub Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Be wary of women, who gives disclaimers like (just got out of a rough relationship, I like the single life, etc.). Because women who really likes you will not/rarely make any statements that might deter you from pursuing them. Right when she said you were cute, sweet, and adorable. You should've packed your bags. Because you we're on your way to the VIP section of the friendzone. I just saw that in this quote. Yeah I guess I didn't say to the guy that asked me out exactly what that girl said to you Kris. I just said that I recently broke up with someone and I'm not ready to date right now. I didn't go on to say how much I liked the single life. There is nothing wrong with liking being single, but saying that does send a message of I REALLY don't want a relationship. But then again, saying one went through a breakup and isn't ready says that too I guess. Anywhos....on to the next And at least she was honest about where she's at...
Author Kristopher1 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Hi again, Thank you all for your feedback and time, I really do appreciate it. I let her know that I can't be with somebody that I see more than just friendship with, I also said that it's a shame and that I hope she moves on sooner or later and realizes that there are people out there interested in her for her, appreciates her for being her. Her response was: "lol now I only believe that god has someone for me, but i'm not gonna get into anymore relationships cos i'm done wasting time on boys. So when god sends mr right my way i'm sure ill know it cos god will give me a sign if that makes sense lol." So I said ok so god has told you to back off from me as I'm a bad sign and would waste your time. she replied: "No I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that I don't wanna be wasting my time on a relationship that would only last a few months." Anyways, after reading that I sort of give up. She doesn't even know me properly and shes certain we would lead to breakup after a few months? Meh.
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