Sasa123 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 So here's det whole story about me and my ex. We met last winter and it was "the love at first sight". He lived in the other side of the country (4.5 hours away) but we were meeting every weekend the whole spring and summer. I've been applying for university in my own city(the capital), and he'd applied in his city(which is a small city). 'Luckily' for me I didn't get in, and decided to move to his city. I moved in with him and his friend, and I didn't feel happy. I felt like I gave up my whole life up for him and he was studying all the time (nothing wrong with that). I didn't have a job and it was difficult to find my own place. I was sad all the time, and I missed my old apartment, friends, family and work. It's a small city, and I was bored all the time. He felt like he was the problem and he tried everything to make me happy, even though I was very unreasonable. This went on for 5 months and finally I got my own apartment, but I wasn't feeling happier. Now I was just feeling like I was addicted to him and everytime we were apart I was feeling lonely. He ended up breaking up with me and I moved back to my own city the very same day. I cried constantly for two months and I begged him to take me back (about 3 times). He said he missed me, but he was sure he did the right thing, and that he needed to think of himself now. We both knew why he did it, and it wasn't the lack of love. He said that if I was moving to his city in the fall (for university) we could start over. Or at least see what it will brings us. As the months went by I felt like myself again. Feeling happier and secure about myself. And of course it was the NC that helped me the whole way. The situation is that I got into the university in his city, and he heard about that from the mutual friend. He wrote me the other day, and were asking me if I wanted to meet up. I wrote back that I wasn't ready yet, but we would definitely meet in the streets at some point. He answered: I hope so. After a little small talk, he said that he was sure it would be better this time (about me moving to his city), because it was on my own premises and not two guys. And after that he wrote that he understood he difficulty about moving so far away and give it all up, to live with those two. I ended the conversation right there, and said it was nice hearing from him and goodnight. So... Now he's on my mind all the time. I wonder why he wrote, and I changed my mind from: "I'm going to have my own good life up there" till: "I want to see him as soon as I'm in the city". What should I do? I really do want him back, but I'm not ready to get dumped once again.
Hoax Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I hate to be clinical about this but the only way to come up with a solution is to do a risk v reward/cost v benefit analysis of the situation. Only you can know how emotionally fragile you are right now and what your chances are with this guy. My personal recommendation would be to schedule some kind of casual meet up under the pretext of a friendly social outing and to gauge how you feel from that. If you feel yourself being sucked into the vortex of emotions again and you're too afraid/too damaged by the past relationship, I think it is best to cut and run. Or, if you do feel the swell of your emotions in full force but don't want to drop it, at least pretend that you don't care. Make him chase you and prove himself. He could just be sniffing around to gauge how obsessed with him you still are to flatter his ego. Remember also that in every relationship there's a chance (actually a pretty good chance) that it will end, and from that there is a 50/50 shot at being the one who is dumped. This might be more like 70/30 in the case of someone who has dumped you in the past. As the old song goes: Here I slide again About to take that ride again Starry eyed again Taking a chance on love The point is that it's a gamble, and probably even more so with an ex. I wish you lots of luck and love, wherever you end up finding it
Author Sasa123 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Yes I guess I have to see how it feels to be in the same city as him. We haven't met since the break up, so I have no idea how I feel about the whole thing. Do you think I should contact him to arrange some kind of meeting, or just hope to run into him at a social event? No matter what I will run into him pretty quickly. It's a small town and I'm going to live in the same neighborhood as him.
Hoax Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 I personally would want to feel prepared so I'd probably organise to meet up ahead of time; however, being the dumpee, that can make you look a little bit desperate/pathetic. I guess the ideal situation would be one in which he asked to see you and made a date. Randomly bumping into one another might lead to either of you saying things you regret in the heat of the moment (you're nervous, it all seems like luck/fate/serendipity).
Author Sasa123 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 After some thinking I came up with the same decision. I'm moving this weekend, and I think I need an orginized meeting instead of an awkward one at the supermarket. 3 things can happen: He wants me back He tells me there's no chance We can figure out how to be just friends. I know how sad I'll be if I feel like he's totally over it, but then I know and I can get over it faster than wandering around and wondering. It hurts so much so see his Facebook and all the new girls he added! But I guess that's a part of it
Author Sasa123 Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 UPDATE I really need some advice! I ran into him at his work. He was surprised and I was too, we small talked a bit, and I felt fine with it. The very same night he texts me writing something about it was nice seeing me again, even though he was not prepared on it. If I needed any help, I could just call him, and if not then good luck with everything. I invited him home to my new apartment, but he was out of town till Thursday, so I wrote he could just give a call when he was back. He came back one day earlier and wanted to meet. We sat down and talked about our new life. He basically told me that he still had feelings for me, and that he had thought a lot about me. He said that he sometimes thought that instead of breaking up we should have stayed together and tried with long distance. He also said that I should know that it was the hardest thing to do, and in the period after he couldn't sleep at all. At the same time he seemed very happy for his new life and he seemed to be partying a lot and all that. He said it was all up to me, if I wanted to meet again. I said I needed to think about that. So this Friday there was a big party at the university. We ran into each other one time, and I felt it was really awkward. He was dancing with a very pretty girl (she has a boyfriend, so I think they're just friends). But he came over to me and kissed me on the cheek. He was very drunk and the conversation were awkward. He looked a lot at me and presented me to his friends. I don't know what I expected, but I felt so sad afterwards, and I haven't heard from him since. I'm so confused and I don't know if I should wait and see if hes contacting me or if I should meet him to hear him say that there's no chance of reconciliation. After all his words from our meeting I'm walking around with a big hope, but on the other side I know it can just mean he wants to be friends. I just don't understand why he should say all those things, if he didn't want to try again.
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