Angelz Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Hey everyone, I'm having trouble understanding a guy. We talk almost everyday, and we are very close. There's a problem though. He's stating to ignore me, and I don't know why. Every time a guy starts to ignore a girl, it never works out, right? For the most part, he is very caring when he wants to be. It's interesting, though. He will talk to me so much, then the next day we won't talk at all...Is it normal for a guy to do this? Sometimes I wonder if he wants me to start the conversation, not him all the time. I just feel so hurt when he ignores me, and I don't even think he cares. When I try to ignore him like he does to me, I feel so bad. I would really like some help, thanks!
Philosoraptor Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Yes, you should start conversation and not just leave it up to him. He probably thinks the same way and wonders why he has to be the one to start conversations "all the time" as you say. He may not be ignoring you at all if he's starting the conversations and talking "so much". At times he could be busy or he could mean to message back and forget. Life happens.
rocksteady85 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Guys pull back for a number of reasons, but mostly because we need to pull our head out of our asses. We can be totally faithful, but committing still makes us feel as if you're taking our freedom away. The best way for him to get over that is to not smother him. Just be cool, and give him space. So he may not text or call for a few days. Big deal. Do something else and don't be needy. In my experience and from a guy's perspective, I'm more inclined to text a girl more if she hasn't texted me back in a while (assuming I'm interested in her, of course). If I'm interested in her, yeah, I'm gonna make sure she remembers who I am. But if she's constantly texting me first, I don't need to put an effort in it. She's pursuing me at that point. Why do I need to text her first if I *know* she's going to text me first? Break the habit. Light a fire under his ass. If he's interested in you, he will make that effort just so he doesn't lose you someone else. Men are hunters; we like the chase. Let us chase. 1
truth_seeker Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I would pull back if I caught the girl in a lie, felt she might be doing shady things, ie, talking to other guys behind my back, or began to suffocate me. As for the chase: yes, to a degree. No guy likes an endless game.
rocksteady85 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 The question here is really "Are you exclusive?" If you're not exclusive, then go ahead and talk to other guys. He might be talking to other girls for all you know. But you're both single, and even that can work to your advantage. I'm not saying make him jealous, but you have to pull him out of his comfort zone. If he really likes you and really wants to be with you, then the fear that (gasp!) someone else might get her first REALLY lights a fire under a guys' ass. It's not a game though. Don't ACT unavailable. BE unavailable. The game would be to receive his text and purposely NOT text him back for 24 hours. That's dumb. If you're free to text him back, why aren't you texting him back? Fill your life with other activities other than him. That's the root of neediness - you NEED him to fulfill you. As a guy, if I get a whiff of neediness, I back the **** off. I reply back to the girl I'm interested in if she texts me first, and I don't make her wait. Yes, sometimes I don't text her. Usually because I'm busy, or I'm doing something else, or I know she's busy, whatever. But I also know that if I don't make an effort, then she's going to move on. That's what I don't want. She's not playing a game either. She may be interested in me too, and is making herself attainable goal, but she isn't throwing herself at me. I'll get bored with that. If she started texting me all the time, I wouldn't bother initiating anything. If she started making all the plans, I wouldn't bother making plans anymore. I would have no effort in it, and I would lose interest because she's chasing me. It's not an endless game. Girl starts playing games, I move on. Game playing would be waiting a specific amount of time between texts or calling. Not accepting dates even if they are available JUST because it's during the week or something. 1
Leigh 87 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Same thing happened to me recently. Except I met the guy overseas and only spend one day with him before I had to fly home. At first, he msged me every day, but I am a huge talker in general online, and because I always was the one to end the convo and write the last message, and while he would initiate a new convo the next day, I would sometimes beat him to it. I noticed that when I started not only being the last o say goodbye, and then the first to initiate, I did not feel right about the situation. I wanted to know if HE would initiate promptly. He took 2 days once I stopped initiating, and we talked daily after that. I sense he would have second guessed me had I always been the first one to initiate. It sort of shows your desperate due to not having enough of a life and having the time for them every day. Even if it is not true, and you just like chatting to them in spite of having an otherwise busy life, it just sends a desperate vibe if you're the one initiating most of the time. Guys also like you to initiate. My ex knew I was the talkative type where as one or two texts a day would have sufficed for him. Yet, if I stopped my texting, he would be like " what's wrong babe, I really miss all your silly texts:(". He would text ME and ask why I stopped texting him LOL. After over two years together So yeah. Initially, I think guys like to know a girl is level head and not crazy, needy or obsessive and that she has a full life of her own. For some reason, if you initiate texts more then twice in a row in the very early stages of dating, it makes the guy not think you are all those things ^^^^ that he is looking for. Guys do like you do initiate some of the time though! You have to show them you're interested! Sound happy to hear from them, tell them how you miss them once they start to talk that way about you! Just don't initiate more than THEY do. 1
ChatroomHero Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 It sounds like a case of you being very interested and him being mildly interested. When he's bored or doesn't have anything better, you are there. My guess is he doesn't feel bad when he ignores you, he's not thinking about you.
phineas Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 If I have to initiate every day, even if she responded I'd wonder if she was into me or just bored. so yeah i'd stop initiating to see if she does. The other thing is I don't like passive women at all. The whole "men lead, women follow" mentality some men & women have doesn't jive with me. I want a woman to show me she's into me without any prompting.
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