Charym88 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Yesterday I made a Facebook post about him being a person who makes up things to be stressed about. A few hours later he makes a post with a photo saying that he doesn't care what someone thinks of him, because he doesn't think of them at all. Then, he added this: "Now its my endangerment from tis point on so i challenge you to the fullest to say what you have to say to me so lets go..." I don't really know if this was directed towards me. I know it's wrong for me to Facebook stalk his page, but since he wrote that status and that photo, I'm skeptical if he has been on my page to direct that towards me. I stalked his child's mother page as well and it seems he is taking her through the loops. She wrote a status yesterday stating that she hates when he tells her one thing and do another. She ended up deleting it an hour later. Also, he seems to be playing these Facebook games all day everyday like he is bored or missing something. I wonder if he misses me. It's like he is always online. When he was here with me, he would only play the games 2-3 times a day. I wonder if it's his way of coping without me. If his status was about me, it is a good sign because it means he wants to talk, but I just don't know. I blocked him from Facebook so I don't even know how he would have even seen my status that was about him. I really miss him but I can't just initiate and break the NC. I feel like he should since he was the one who over-reacted and left out of anger. Even while he was angry, he said that he didn't want to go back to NYC, but I never really stopped him because I knew he had a young child he needed to eventually go and see. Today makes a week of NC.
JDPT Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Oh great this sounds like another cyber war. Again I'm not certain why people in this day and age give this monstrosity called FB so much value? I can only suggest to let things be and stay away from social media for a very long time, no replies, no back and forth nonsense. Focus on yourself and stop reading every little word you read on your screen monitor. Reroute your thoughts to now and think about the many things you have going for yourself. 3
Author Charym88 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Oh great this sounds like another cyber war. Again I'm not certain why people in this day and age give this monstrosity called FB so much value? I can only suggest to let things be and stay away from social media for a very long time, no replies, no back and forth nonsense. Focus on yourself and stop reading every little word you read on your screen monitor. Reroute your thoughts to now and think about the many things you have going for yourself. It's very hard not to check his Facebook. When u are in love with someone and they will not talk to you but you want to know if they are ok or if they are still breathing. When he returned back to NYC, he had many of threats on his life which is why he seems endangered. Me checking his FB is my only way to know if he is ok. At this point, I don't even care if he still loves me or not. All I know is that I want the best for him even though I thought otherwise when I was angry. Only time will reveal if he still feels the same way about me, but I know things are very hard for him right now. Everyone is in his business about me, his baby, and his child's mother. I will give him the time and space he needs for I know he is very stressed.
JDPT Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 You are no longer in a position where you can worry about him, he is a big boy he will take care of himself and this is what we often fail to acknowledge. You would agree that by snooping around FB you only prolong your recovery process yes? It's only detrimental for you, it creates more wounds. Analyze how you feel during and after you see a post, a picture, and internalize that to realize that you end up feeling worse every time. Be strong, as stated previously reroute your thoughts when you feel the urge to go on FB, walk away, go out for a walk, workout, read a book, get creative with anything you can do to get it out of your mind. I was in a relationship for over 4 years being the dumpee to this day after 3 months of being dumped still feel the urge to look online for her, luckily she does not have FB neither do I but I can still find ways if I get creative, however, I chose not to because I learned that every time I do I end up feeling worse. So don't put your hand on fire if you don't want to get burned. 2
soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Many on this site say NC includes not looking at their social media and I agree. As long as you are making Facebook posts about him and analyzing every little thing he does, you are NOT in NC. The first time me and my ex broke up, I checked her pages obsessively. It didn't help me heal at all. Now through sheer force of will I haven't checked on them in a while and its easier that way. You are correct that time will tell if he feels for you. If he really wants you, he'll find a way. So turn off Facebook and worry about yourself first, because that is the only part of this situation you have any control over. 1
Author Charym88 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Many on this site say NC includes not looking at their social media and I agree. As long as you are making Facebook posts about him and analyzing every little thing he does, you are NOT in NC. The first time me and my ex broke up, I checked her pages obsessively. It didn't help me heal at all. Now through sheer force of will I haven't checked on them in a while and its easier that way. You are correct that time will tell if he feels for you. If he really wants you, he'll find a way. So turn off Facebook and worry about yourself first, because that is the only part of this situation you have any control over. But it's just PURE bloody torture to completely move him from my life. I'M A PRETTY strong person when it comes to checking on him via Facebook. It's bad enough I don't communicate with him at all. And is it just as bad if I removed him from block? He knows I removed him because we play this Facebook game together and I have sent him a request to it that he accepted and he sent me a request a few minutes ago. My first fear has been resolved. I was afraid he would block me after he found out I unblocked him and he hasn't. It's been a whole 2 hours since then but I still won't contact him until I give in which may be never or a couple of months.
reddragon588 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 But it's just PURE bloody torture to completely move him from my life. I'M A PRETTY strong person when it comes to checking on him via Facebook. It's bad enough I don't communicate with him at all. And is it just as bad if I removed him from block? He knows I removed him because we play this Facebook game together and I have sent him a request to it that he accepted and he sent me a request a few minutes ago. My first fear has been resolved. I was afraid he would block me after he found out I unblocked him and he hasn't. It's been a whole 2 hours since then but I still won't contact him until I give in which may be never or a couple of months. You are communicating with him, though. Look at the sentences that follow the bolded part. You are communicating with each other through Facebook friend requests. It might not be conversational, but its communication nonetheless. Trust me when I say this is the part I've been struggling with the most. I couldn't bring myself to delete her on Facebook, and I finally had to deactivate my own Facebook to keep myself from checking her Facebook or trying to "subliminally" communicate with her on Facebook via cryptic statuses, etc. I have made some great progress in the week and half since I did that. I'm still struggling, and have been struggling extremely hard this weekend with the Facebook thing (her bday is tomorrow) but I guarantee you that you will be better once you get rid of him on Facebook or get rid of your Facebook. It is really hard to get rid of someone from your life but you are clearly in emotional pain, and keeping him in your life is only going to prolong that.
Author Charym88 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 You are communicating with him, though. Look at the sentences that follow the bolded part. You are communicating with each other through Facebook friend requests. It might not be conversational, but its communication nonetheless. Trust me when I say this is the part I've been struggling with the most. I couldn't bring myself to delete her on Facebook, and I finally had to deactivate my own Facebook to keep myself from checking her Facebook or trying to "subliminally" communicate with her on Facebook via cryptic statuses, etc. I have made some great progress in the week and half since I did that. I'm still struggling, and have been struggling extremely hard this weekend with the Facebook thing (her bday is tomorrow) but I guarantee you that you will be better once you get rid of him on Facebook or get rid of your Facebook. It is really hard to get rid of someone from your life but you are clearly in emotional pain, and keeping him in your life is only going to prolong that. But what if he is the type of person who likes for people to fight for him? He told me once before that I never fought enough, this was before he came to live with me. NC is not always right for every situation. His child's mother blew up his phone and Facebook everyday and somehow she had gotten him back after we argued. I was wondering if I fought for him, would that work? He said I played with his emotions, I wonder if he still has any for me. I don't want to pass up a chance and he thinks I don't love him because I never fought for him. I always wonder if he is as scared to contact me as I am to contact him.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 But what if he is the type of person who likes for people to fight for him? He told me once before that I never fought enough, this was before he came to live with me. NC is not always right for every situation. His child's mother blew up his phone and Facebook everyday and somehow she had gotten him back after we argued. I was wondering if I fought for him, would that work? He said I played with his emotions, I wonder if he still has any for me. I don't want to pass up a chance and he thinks I don't love him because I never fought for him. I always wonder if he is as scared to contact me as I am to contact him. No, it would not work. You fight during the relationship, not after it's over. It's too late then. You need to calm down and step back. 2
reddragon588 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 But what if he is the type of person who likes for people to fight for him? He told me once before that I never fought enough, this was before he came to live with me. NC is not always right for every situation. His child's mother blew up his phone and Facebook everyday and somehow she had gotten him back after we argued. I was wondering if I fought for him, would that work? He said I played with his emotions, I wonder if he still has any for me. I don't want to pass up a chance and he thinks I don't love him because I never fought for him. I always wonder if he is as scared to contact me as I am to contact him. Posting cryptic Facebook statuses isn't fighting for someone. It's passive-aggressive behavior which is the exact opposite of fighting for someone. Think about it this way. Does visiting his Facebook make you feel better? Clearly it doesn't or you wouldn't have posted this thread. If you're playing with his emotions, you're not giving him time to miss you. As long as you are still in his life, he will continue to view you in whatever light he views you in now. It is not until you completely 100% remove yourself from his life (including on Facebook) that he will be able to look in retrospect at you and begin to miss you.
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