ChattGirl Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 I've been in and out of relationships for the past ten years of my life. I've been married and have been divorced for over 5 years (he's not even an issue anymore and the only time I think about him is when someone new asks if I've been married). I have no kids, I actually don't have any baggage whatsoever weighing me down. The last relationship I was in, he was deployed to Iraq and once he got there, he informed me that he did not want settle down or continue dating. (That was in July). I don't really have closure from that, but considering we only dated for three months, I'm not really putting a whole lot of thought into it anymore. I've tried the whole internet dating thing and it's not working out, which I've just come to the point where I realize it's going to take me meeting some randomly somewhere. My question is, what do guys want these days? To me, it seems all they want is sex with no strings attached. I am 28 years old, attractive, independent, intelligent and ready to start thinking about settling down and starting my own family. I have so much to offer, but it seems, I am meeting ALL the wrong guys. Any enlightenment would be greatly appreciated.
tattoomytoe Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 No matter what the sex, ever Person wants something a little different Out of life...Or better said, at THat point in their Lives. i am sure some wants will change, as the person grows and developes. You just have not found the person who shares similar wants as yours. At least You are not Changing yourself for these guys that need different things.
Author ChattGirl Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 You are right. I am not going to change myself for these guys. I learned my lesson with a guy that I dated for over two years. He kept telling me that he didn't want to ever have kids, etc.. and I kept thinking I could try and change his mind that I would show him I was the most wonderful thing and make him fall so deeply in love with me, that he would want to do anything to be with me (because that is how I felt about him). We broke up October 2003 and now he's met the girl of his dreams (they really are meant for each other) and NO JOKE he just emailed me (we keep in touch on a daily basis) and he told me that he is going to go buy "The Ring" today... I love him as a friend ONLY, but OUCH, that still stings. I haven't responded to him. I'm speechless...
tattoomytoe Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 But you know what, i bet a lot of the things he learned from you loving him so much...he has passed to this woman, and You should take that as a compliment, if nothing else you have given this man enlightenment on how wonderful love can be.
Author ChattGirl Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 Wow... I've never thought of it like that. When we were together, he took a lot of things I did for granted and then when we broke up, he immediately jumped into a new relationship and I was still single. I then met my Army guy (the one referred to in the first post) and while trying to start things up with Army guy, the ex comes back and says he still loves me and feels the chemistry between us. I pretty much told him that I couldn't back out of what I was starting with new guy and that I will always love him, but only as a friend. He respected that and found his soulmate. I knew that it would happen and I am happy for him, but in the midst of all this, I haven't really dealt with the pain of our breakup and the pain of mine and Army guy's breakup. Thank you for you analysis. That really touched me. I'd like to think that he is sharing a wonderful, loving relationship with this new woman and that he did learn from me and that he is able to take that with him everywhere he goes.
tanbark813 Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 I agree with tattoomytoe. There are guys out there that want what you want and would appreciate what you have to offer. You just haven't found him yet. What about your preferences in guys? Is there any requirement you have that might be inadvertantly weeding out the guys who would be a better match for you?
Author ChattGirl Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 Here are my preferences (notice I didn't say requirements, but I honestly have to meet the individual to get a full take of them): someone that believes that there is something bigger than them or me in control here, taller than me (I'm 5ft. 10in.), it would be nice if they were my age or older, nice teeth, someone that likes to exercise, has a career or on their way to a career, independent, financially stable, doesn't smoke or partake in any kind of drug use, drinks in a social setting, knows that sex is good, but is GREAT when you are with the person you love and are committed to, someone that is honest, appreciates honesty, doesn't take life too seriously, knows how to laugh at themselves and someone that won't look at me weird if I tell them I'm going to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.... LOL Okay, the list could probably get a lot longer, but I will stop here...
morrigan Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Do you ask out guys, or do you wait for a guy to ask you out? You may have not met a guy yet who has the same ideas/expectations out of life that you do. It takes time to find someone who you click with. If you have a passion about a certain activity or cause, think about joining a group or organization for it--you'd be more likely to meet guys there who would share similar interests and may be more serious about their lifestyles. Just hang in there, don't get too frustrated, and don't settle for someone just because they want to settle down--I had a friend who made that mistake. I admit to being picky--any guy I like has to share my interests in music/books, and I am not interested in anyone who wants to have kids/get married. I personally have never liked the majority of guys who have asked me out--they undoubtedly see a tall redheaded bimbo and estimate my character to fit my appearance. Both boyfriends I have had were rather reserved and not the type to go up to total strangers. We all consciously or subconsciously screen people for desired traits.
Author ChattGirl Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 Guys normally ask me out. Not that I'm afraid to go up to a guy and ask him out, but I like to scope out the situation before I just go up and ask someone out. I'm not shy about breaking the ice with a guy. I guess there is something that I'm attracting that gives guys the impression that I like players and I guess it has to do with my independent nature.
faux Posted November 6, 2004 Posted November 6, 2004 Well, I want to keep getting straight A's in college, become more financially independent, one day get my Doctorate, teach all the while, and raise a family.
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