juststarry6443 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I ended things after nearly 3 years of a relationship. It felt like things were just being dragged along & the things we did just became routine. We became too different and didn't really enjoy things together anymore. We lost our spark and I've talked to him about it, but I still wasn't getting a spark back. Is it unusual or heartless that I'm not distraught about this? I feel bad about what I'm putting him through but I'm just not hanging my head down low like I think I should. I just feel relieved and ready to just focus only on me. This was my very first relationship and I kind of feel like a bitch right now.
dgiirl Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 We all experience breakups differently. It sounds like you made a lot of effort to fix things while still in the relationship but you were also preparing yourself mentally for the breakup. It really is not uncommon for someone to go through the mourning process while STILL in a relationship, especially for the dumper. And by the time it comes to breakup, they've already reached the point of no turning back, everything has been completely processed and their is no more tears or mourning to be had. It's perfectly normal. The only thing you can do is realize that your partner might not be at the same emotional stage as you are and to show compassion for your ex, especially if they are having a hard time. Don't try to alleviate their pain by giving them false hope, but don't get too frustrated with them if they haven't moved on yet. If your ex felt completely blind-sighted by the whole thing, you might want to evaluate if there was anything else you could have done or expressed differently. Just so that you learn what to do in your next relationship. But if you really did try to work on the relationship while in it, but things just wasn't getting any better, I wouldn't feel bad about it. It's perfectly normal. 1
Hoax Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Nope. After my first relationship (nearly 3 years long) I was exhausted and we had grown apart. I didn't feel badly at all, but I know he did. Now that it has been over a year I miss him and sometimes have thoughts of reconciliation, we have a really deep connection from those formative years together. I kind of have a theory that there is always someone more in love in any relationship, and someone who will end up the most hurt. Don't worry, you'll pay your dues somewhere down the line.
Virgil876 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I ended things after nearly 3 years of a relationship. It felt like things were just being dragged along & the things we did just became routine. We became too different and didn't really enjoy things together anymore. We lost our spark and I've talked to him about it, but I still wasn't getting a spark back. Is it unusual or heartless that I'm not distraught about this? I feel bad about what I'm putting him through but I'm just not hanging my head down low like I think I should. I just feel relieved and ready to just focus only on me. This was my very first relationship and I kind of feel like a bitch right now. Are you my freaking ex? My relationship was around 3.5 years, she started to have 'problems' with me in April then she ended things late last month. Thing is I'm not that upset either and it's only been 3 weeks, maybe both of us felt like the routine is boring and grew apart.
aspiringuitarheroine Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 You're not heartless. Everyone reacts differently. Continue to look after yourself physically and mentally, and if you feel good about your decision, that's great!
JDPT Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 You may be going through denial here as you have the "upper hand" as the dumper. You are already experiencing the grieving process and keep in mind that you will not experience all phases sequentially but you will experience them nonetheless. I think you have prepared yourself mentally as dumpers usually formulate a plan and execute leaving dumpees open for ambush. In any event, be prepared, you may have your ups and downs and that's perfectly fine you will soon start healing.
Mcscooter Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 You did the right thing, my ex of 3 years left me for the same reason and I understood. If you forced yourself to stay. Things wouldn't have looked so good down the road and it's the honest truth. 2
LME Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Me and my ex broke up for this same reason, he dumped me. We both dragged it out for too long. Yes it was great in the beginning and i did still have feelings for him but it just was not the same and he wasn't treating me like a girlfriend, he was treating me like a friend. It was my first relationship too. I think your emotions will change and there will be days you will miss him/think about him but just remember you did the right thing. As much as it hurt me to get dumped, I knew that it just wasn't working out and something had to either change or we would break up and we broke up, i was really just in denial about it needing to end so i never ended it myself/talked about the elephant in the room aka how our spark was more or less gone. 1
xilver Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 You should be grateful that you don't feel horrible. Maybe it will come later down the road for you idk. I remember one time I was more upset over not seeing our cat anymore than her. That lasted about 6 weeks and then it set in. If the relationship was bad then it is better to move on. No matter what though I always have a difficult time after a break up with someone I was close with, even when I know it wasn't right.
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 No, you're okay. It sounds like you did your best to make it work, but he didn't. The person who doesn't put in the effort often-times is the one who is surprised or more upset. s/he thinks everything is okay and lets the flame, the embers die down in complacency. Good luck.
Author juststarry6443 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Are you my freaking ex? Lol wuhh? I'm pretty sure we're strangers & I mean you can look at my avatar and tell yourself if I look like her or not.
Author juststarry6443 Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Thank you everyone was very reassuring & I let out a good cry today. I'm making sure I keep myself busy.
Recommended Posts