thefooloftheyear Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I always offer' date=' but if you let me pay, there wouldn't be another date.[/quote'] Why play a stupid game? Either offer like you are going to pay or dont..Many women dont want to feel like they are imposing on a guy to pay ALL the time and feel good about paying. Even If you want the guy to pay, fine, and if you never offer id always pay..period and would never complain one iota. But now a guy has to worry if he is getting "set up", by some stupid test? To play a game like that is just ridiculous, and I, nor many other men, wouldnt want another date.. Really? TFY 1
Star Gazer Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I had to laugh at this! So, why offer then? A test, right? Yes, because *we* know *you* are testing *us*. We can't just sit on our hands without you thinking we're gold diggers. So, we offer to show that we're not. Last Wednesday, I had a first date (that is, a first proper date after a first meeting) with a guy. He asked. He picked the place. He was still eating when the check came (she delivered it a little early, IMO). We continued talking and talking and talking, and it just sat there on the table... like a white elephant. Eventually, he excused himself to use the restroom. The check had been sitting there for 30 minutes at this point, so I figured he wasn't going to pay for it. I put my card in, and paid. The very act of having to do that, of him not taking control and paying for the date that he asked me on and picked out - HUUUUUUUUUGE turnoff. When he came back and noticed that I'd paid for the check, he was like, "Oh," and smiled. Didn't even say thank you. On the way out, he opened his wallet and took out the lone $20 that was in there, and handed it to me as "his half." It didn't even cover 1/3 of the bill pre-tip... and 3/4 of the bill was his food and beer, not mine. Whoever asks, pays. In the first few dates, the man asks, thus he pays. Once she's sure of his interest, she starts reciprocating both in asking and paying. 1
Cressida Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Wow, when has everything gotten so...material? And everyone, might I add. If you pay for the second date, when you've barely met before, it doesn't mean you'll end up in a marriage with a woman who's gonna stay on the couch all day while you're working yourself to the bone to support her. Or that you'll end up in a relationship in which your girlfriend constantly expects pricey gifts. Or that you'll end up in a relationship with this girl at all. Or that you'll have a third, fourth and fifth date altogether. I think this is a major problem with men nowadays, you guys want quality girls but are too cheap to pay for dinner. The previous comment where it was mentioned how the girl ended up paying for an expensive dinner (her share) that cost her a week's worth of groceries is pretty much on the spot. You don't have to take your date for lobster at the Shangri La but just be a gentleman and pay! If you're going to have relationships and a marriage at some point in time perhaps not everything will be 50-50 ALL the time. I might be too old fashioned and think men should assume at least the initial costs of a few dates, it's not like you're flying her on the Concorde to the island of Capri or something... It's easier to make a good impression if you're a gentleman and pay for the damn dinner. My 2c.... 2
Mascara Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 It's not a game. It's accepted social etiquette. When a woman offers to pay, she's basically saying "I do not expect you to pay every time". But I agree. For the first date... If you accept then my opinion of you goes way down. If someone turns up unexpectedly at dinner time, I was brought up to offer them dinner. It's annoying when they accept though. Same thing.
PlumPrincess Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Last Wednesday, I had a first date (that is, a first proper date after a first meeting) with a guy. He asked. He picked the place. He was still eating when the check came (she delivered it a little early, IMO). We continued talking and talking and talking, and it just sat there on the table... like a white elephant. Eventually, he excused himself to use the restroom. The check had been sitting there for 30 minutes at this point, so I figured he wasn't going to pay for it. I put my card in, and paid. The very act of having to do that, of him not taking control and paying for the date that he asked me on and picked out - HUUUUUUUUUGE turnoff. When he came back and noticed that I'd paid for the check, he was like, "Oh," and smiled. Didn't even say thank you. On the way out, he opened his wallet and took out the lone $20 that was in there, and handed it to me as "his half." It didn't even cover 1/3 of the bill pre-tip... and 3/4 of the bill was his food and beer, not mine. Wow, what a loser. If I was him, I'd be mortified. 2
hoping2heal Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 So, I'm asking this girl out on a 2nd date after she's let me know what times she's going to be free. It's going to be a night date. For the first date, we had coffee and I paid for that. It went well and now the second date is looking most likely to be dinner unless I can think of something better... Does anyone have any great 2nd date ideas? Also, if it's dinner, what sort of place should I pick? She doesn't eat most meats (only eats seafood). What sort of price range should I be looking at? And should I pay? I haven't been on a 2nd date in a while, so am not sure what to do You asked her out, you should pay. I don't mind paying but if a man asked me out on a second date and then handed me the bill I would think he was tacky and it would be a turn off. If I call up a friend and ask her to go to lunch, I pay. If I called up my boyfriend and asked to take him to lunch, I would pay. Now, she might offer to split the bill with you and I think that would be just fine but seeing as how you asked her out for the second date again; incredibly tacky to send the bill her way. Just my .02 cents. 3
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Yes, because *we* know *you* are testing *us*. We can't just sit on our hands without you thinking we're gold diggers. So, we offer to show that we're not. Well, *I* have never been on a date with a lady thinking that, perhaps, she was a gold-digger. Again, being more traditional, I don't have a problem paying for dates. Last Wednesday, I had a first date (that is, a first proper date after a first meeting) with a guy. He asked. He picked the place. He was still eating when the check came (she delivered it a little early, IMO). We continued talking and talking and talking, and it just sat there on the table... like a white elephant. Eventually, he excused himself to use the restroom. The check had been sitting there for 30 minutes at this point, so I figured he wasn't going to pay for it. I put my card in, and paid. The very act of having to do that, of him not taking control and paying for the date that he asked me on and picked out - HUUUUUUUUUGE turnoff. When he came back and noticed that I'd paid for the check, he was like, "Oh," and smiled. Didn't even say thank you. On the way out, he opened his wallet and took out the lone $20 that was in there, and handed it to me as "his half." It didn't even cover 1/3 of the bill pre-tip... and 3/4 of the bill was his food and beer, not mine. Whoever asks, pays. In the first few dates, the man asks, thus he pays. Once she's sure of his interest, she starts reciprocating both in asking and paying. Sorry you have to go through this kind of crap. But my advice is to simply not offer if it is not genuine. You want a man who will pay for your meals, so you shouldn't care if the next guy thinks you're a gold-digger or not. No loss, right?
Star Gazer Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Sorry you have to go through this kind of crap. But my advice is to simply not offer if it is not genuine. You want a man who will pay for your meals, so you shouldn't care if the next guy thinks you're a gold-digger or not. No loss, right? The offer is always genuine. I'm not out for a free ride. However, if you actually let me pay on a date you asked me on and you picked out, you're not a gentleman. And, I think every guy, even the guys who would never let a woman pay, appreciate and/or expect the "offer" as "proof" of non-gold diggerness. Hence why there will always be an offer. The "test" goes both ways. A compatible couple - a gentleman and a lady - will both pass, with her offering, and him refusing it.
Mascara Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Of course men test too. I'm always reading on here how they like a girl to at least offer. They'll pay, but they think less of her if she doesn't offer. It's a social dance. One of many, not all to do with dating, not all to do with male/female dynamics.
Imajerk17 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) Yes you should pay and yes the date should be inexpensive. Do something active and fun and then maybe get something (fairly inexpensive) to eat after. Making the nice dinner the center of your date is a bad idea. The highlight should be in connecting with you over something fun, not in eating a really good steak. Anyone with a credit card can give her the experience of a nice dinner. Put off the fancy dinners until your 6-month mark, or at least, until after she becomes your girlfriend. EDIT: I do agree with Star Gazer in that yes, I appreciate the offer, and no, I would not let her pay. All for the reasons she gave in her post just above this one. That said, I don't think there should be a lot of money spent on an early date. Use some creativity instead! Edited August 11, 2013 by Imajerk17 2
rocketman122 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 to the cheapos who dont like/want to pay, its called courtship feeding. I think it should be her paying once for every 3-5 times you do. I would NEVER do the 50/50 though. too embarrassing.
tbf Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Since you've already made your decision, there's no need for any further input so I'll just wish you luck that your dating turns into something meaningful! 1
johan Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 On the second date with my girlfriend, I convinced her to miss her plane home back to Europe. Then she stayed at my place for 5 days before she caught her rescheduled flight. Maybe that will give you some ideas.
Author counterman Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Yes you should pay and yes the date should be inexpensive. Do something active and fun and then maybe get something (fairly inexpensive) to eat after. Making the nice dinner the center of your date is a bad idea. The highlight should be in connecting with you over something fun, not in eating a really good steak. Anyone with a credit card can give her the experience of a nice dinner. Put off the fancy dinners until your 6-month mark, or at least, until after she becomes your girlfriend. EDIT: I do agree with Star Gazer in that yes, I appreciate the offer, and no, I would not let her pay. All for the reasons she gave in her post just above this one. That said, I don't think there should be a lot of money spent on an early date. Use some creativity instead! Thanks for the tips! I'm thinking of a cuisine she's never tried before (it's decent priced - nothing crazy expensive) and perhaps going bowling or pool before. After, we'll go for a walk - how's that sound? Since you've already made your decision, there's no need for any further input so I'll just wish you luck that your dating turns into something meaningful! Thank you On the second date with my girlfriend, I convinced her to miss her plane home back to Europe. Then she stayed at my place for 5 days before she caught her rescheduled flight. Maybe that will give you some ideas. That's amazing! I don't think I can pull that off though
William Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 As a threadjack related to who pays not relevant to the thread starter's dynamic ensued, about 30 posts were moved to the existing discussion about general 'who pays' for dates at this link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/326829-consolidated-discussion-paying-dates Please continue general discussion there. Suggestions specific to this thread starter's question can be continued here. Thanks.
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