counterman Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 So, I'm asking this girl out on a 2nd date after she's let me know what times she's going to be free. It's going to be a night date. For the first date, we had coffee and I paid for that. It went well and now the second date is looking most likely to be dinner unless I can think of something better... Does anyone have any great 2nd date ideas? Also, if it's dinner, what sort of place should I pick? She doesn't eat most meats (only eats seafood). What sort of price range should I be looking at? And should I pay? I haven't been on a 2nd date in a while, so am not sure what to do
rocketman122 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 So, I'm asking this girl out on a 2nd date after she's let me know what times she's going to be free. It's going to be a night date. For the first date, we had coffee and I paid for that. It went well and now the second date is looking most likely to be dinner unless I can think of something better... Does anyone have any great 2nd date ideas? Also, if it's dinner, what sort of place should I pick? She doesn't eat most meats (only eats seafood). What sort of price range should I be looking at? And should I pay? I haven't been on a 2nd date in a while, so am not sure what to do yes. and for the next few as well. 2
KathyM Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Pick a restaurant that has a good seafood selection. And plan to pay for it. I would suggest doing something more active, like going for a walk in a scenic place, and then having a nice dinner, nothing too expensive, at the end of the date.
Mascara Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Stop making your biggest worry about whether you should pay. If you haven't had a second date in a while, that shouldn't even be a consideration - but since it is, be prepared to and see.
crude Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Once you go down that road, picture yourself married to a 300 lb housewife who's been mooching off you for decades, because you're the man. First we were told the man pays for the first date if he asks her out, then it became the first two dates, then it became the first fifteen or so in the early part of the relationship, then it became the man always pays, always. I think if a man is confident that he doesn't want to be a john and can get another woman, he has to draw a line somewhere.
PlumPrincess Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I think you should pay. I would find it a bit weird if you paid for two coffees and now you suggest a more expensive dinner date and I would have to pay for our dinner. And splitting the bill would also look somewhat weird at this point. She can pay next time. Or let her pay dessert if you go to a different place later.
Mascara Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 If you're picking the place, you need to be prepared to pay. Nothing irritates me more than a man asking me out, picking an expensive restaurant and assuming I can pay. This goes back to a bad experience when I was a student - I asked to go somewhere cheap because I was poor. Turned out his idea of cheap was my food budget for the week. And don't assume you know how much disposable income she has - you pick, you pay. 2
Author counterman Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 I have no issues with paying; I just don't want it to be an expectation that I will always pay. I'll pay for this date and, if there is a next date, we can split it or she can pick the next place Thanks, rocketman and thanks for the suggestion of a walk through a scenic place, Kathy. You're right, Mascara - I'll see how it goes. I shouldn't be too worked up about it Crude, you raise a good point. I know of a few guys who are only in relationships because they keep buying their girlfriends presents (expensive presents). Clearly, I don't want to be that guy, though that's looking ahead PlumPrincess, good point. I like that idea, I could pay for dinner and she can pay for dessert if we go to another place. To the more important question, where should I take her? I think she is also free in the day time one of the days I'm free, so I have the option of a night date or a day date. Could I just ask her which she prefers? Or would it be better if I have something more definite? I'm a bit embarrassed to say I didn't find out more about what she likes to eat... I was thinking, if day I would take her to a nice brunch place and we can walk around the shops nearby or take her to scenic harbour and then grab lunch? Or, for night, I was thinking (because we go to the same uni), we can meet after we've finished our classes, and travel together to a place to eat dinner and then some dessert (that is near campus - which is beautiful at night to walk) OR I can drive her to a place closer to my area (since she lives near me) but there's not scenic place to walk What do you think? Should I just ask her what she prefers out of all this? I'm a little indecisive
todreaminblue Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 So, I'm asking this girl out on a 2nd date after she's let me know what times she's going to be free. It's going to be a night date. For the first date, we had coffee and I paid for that. It went well and now the second date is looking most likely to be dinner unless I can think of something better... Does anyone have any great 2nd date ideas? Also, if it's dinner, what sort of place should I pick? She doesn't eat most meats (only eats seafood). What sort of price range should I be looking at? And should I pay? I haven't been on a 2nd date in a while, so am not sure what to do a dinner date......i dont know if you should pay or not......when i go on dates i prefer to pay for myself so i go dutch......i feel if you are dating someone a second time it would not be rude to ask what she feels is right..everyone has different values and thoughts on dating...and if you feel the same way then its bonus... i find it so refreshing when a date takes me somewhere where money isnt a concern...im not big on cash flashers i have dated a few and it doesnt impress me.....ingenuity impresses me...and the best times and dates i have had have been impromptu, mysteries about where i was going.......and it would be that they knew my favourite place to be , that was a beach, shoes off, passionate conversation and a few laughs thrown in......inexpensive dates.....but very memorable....... how you feel about who should pay is also important....because if you feel resentful,doesnt bode well for future dates........so be honest about how you feel when you discuss it with her....if you choose to discuss it ...it is what i suggest is a good move..... another good second idea date is....if she has told you her favourite place ...to eat, to just be at, to visit, where she feels relaxed and happy...take her there........like if its hawaii at sunset and you dont have access to a private jet...lol....its not possible....but if her favourite place to be is a park down the road feeding the ducks ..then thats where you should go....do some stealth work...find out if you dont know where that favourite place is, do a bit of investigating...have fun and good luck on that second date with wherever you decide to go ....deb 1
Miss_raptor Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I'd offer to pay for your second date, but I think that it's fair that after that, you guys either split the bill, or trade off who pays. Since your first date was more casual, it would be a little strange for her to pay for dinner when you bought coffee. I would ask her her preferences and based off that, choose a restaurant that's in your price range (this isn't a special occasion so it doesn't have to be fancy) and take her. I think a walk is a nice second date activity, too. Especially if there's some scenery. Good luck and have fun! 2
carhill Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 2nd date ideas and who should pay Miniature golf and you pay. Share a sundae afterwards. 6
PlumPrincess Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I have no issues with paying; I just don't want it to be an expectation that I will always pay. You do have issues with paying. I know other guys who do not worry about paying for a second date, especially, since the first date was just a coffee date. 3
Author counterman Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 todreaminblue, i like that idea of a favourite place or something spontaneous or impromptu... where we can enjoy each others' company and laugh... I'll be sure to do some investigating Miss_Priss, you're right. It's not a huge deal paying. It's just that expectation that's all. But I guess that if a girl seems like she's using me for meals, then I would know. In saying that, to each their own. I really see no problems with splitting the bill if the girl feels strongly about splitting it. I have girl friends who insist on going half-half. BUT, I also know girls who don't give a guy another chance if he doesn't pay for the first date. Miss_raptor, that's good advice! Thanks! I asked her and I have the idea now, including a nice scenic walk carhill, good idea! I will use that one in the future PlumPrincess, I honestly don't mind paying, but also don't want there to be an expectation that I will always pay. As I have said, I have very little experience with 2nd dates... so forgive me if I'm not 100% on the 2nd date etiquette. I know plenty of guys who do not care about paying at all, and not just for the 2nd date, but some of them had cheating girlfriends who only used them for expensive meals and gifts. And I also know girls who are adamant on paying their own share, and get insulted when guys insist on paying. And I know guys who would only go on free dates. YMMV The question of payment is settled... I will pay. And I have also chosen the place, so it's all good Thanks Love you all 1
Mascara Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I think the point that I and others are making is that you shouldn't even be thinking about payment. You should be excited about getting a second date, paying or not shouldn't even factor into your thoughts or concerns. You're like the girl who complains her diamond shoes are too tight - relax Have fun 1
Author counterman Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 I think the point that I and others are making is that you shouldn't even be thinking about payment. You should be excited about getting a second date, paying or not shouldn't even factor into your thoughts or concerns. You're like the girl who complains her diamond shoes are too tight - relax Have fun Good point. I started to think about payment after I read an article (looking for date ideas) that said I shouldn't pay. But you are right, I shouldn't be worked up about this and am excited about my date, knowing what we'll be doing now Thanks :love:
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I think the point that I and others are making is that you shouldn't even be thinking about payment. You should be excited about getting a second date, paying or not shouldn't even factor into your thoughts or concerns. You're like the girl who complains her diamond shoes are too tight - relax Have fun Hmmm, I disagree. It's clear that you are a little anxious about the venue of the date AND who pays. You NEED to think about who will pay b/c some paying is going to be required. What are you going to do when the bill comes? Look at each other to see who blinks first? At least BE PREPARED to pay if no offer is given. Come on, what people may be saying is that you shouldn't have to dwell on it, but THIS will be your first date. Frankly, dude, YOU should pay for it all. If you're concerned about how much you'll spend, you have control, right? You choose the venues and events. This he/she, when, how much and where to pay BS comes mostly from guys who have are not having a successful at dating and are pissed or inexperienced people who have already gotten caught up with the games of dating. 1
Author counterman Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Hmmm, I disagree. It's clear that you are a little anxious about the venue of the date AND who pays. You NEED to think about who will pay b/c some paying is going to be required. What are you going to do when the bill comes? Look at each other to see who blinks first? At least BE PREPARED to pay if no offer is given. Come on, what people may be saying is that you shouldn't have to dwell on it, but THIS will be your first date. Frankly, dude, YOU should pay for it all. If you're concerned about how much you'll spend, you have control, right? You choose the venues and events. This he/she, when, how much and where to pay BS comes mostly from guys who have are not having a successful at dating and are pissed or inexperienced people who have already gotten caught up with the games of dating. That's right - I am choosing the place. It would be unfair to choose a place and then make her pay. I am inexperienced but yeah, I've got it covered 1
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 That's right - I am choosing the place. It would be unfair to choose a place and then make her pay. I am inexperienced but yeah, I've got it covered Nice, counterman. Please don't get all head-crapped by the "who-pays?" gender wars. Do what feels right. Most women are traditional and that has not changed even in today's dating world. Men are expected to pay for dates by most. The only time I do not pay for all of it is when there is no offer and even then, I typically thank my date and tell her "next time." That way she knows that I appreciate her gesture AND that I am open to her paying in the future. The other time I may not pay is when SHE plans the date. Again, it depends.
Author counterman Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Nice, counterman. Please don't get all head-crapped by the "who-pays?" gender wars. Do what feels right. Most women are traditional and that has not changed even in today's dating world. Men are expected to pay for dates by most. The only time I do not pay for all of it is when there is no offer and even then, I typically thank my date and tell her "next time." That way she knows that I appreciate her gesture AND that I am open to her paying in the future. The other time I may not pay is when SHE plans the date. Again, it depends. Thanks, my inexperience has lead me to actually consider this to be a bigger issue than it really was. Really does take the excitement and fun out of dating. It feels right to pay, and to be honest, I just want to have a great time of her. In my last relationship, sometimes we split, sometimes I paid and sometimes she paid. I don't even remember having to think about it that much, it just sorta happened, even at the beginning of the relationship. Though, I did have a first date once where a girl said in an aggressive tone "are you going to pay or what?", even though I was getting up to order and pay. Kinda ruined the whole date. I don't like that sort of entitlement. Do what feels right... I think that's it.
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Crap, correction here: The only time I do not pay for all of it is when there is an offer and even then, I typically thank my date and tell her "next time." That way she knows that I appreciate her gesture AND that I am open to her paying in the future. The other time I may not pay is when SHE plans the date. Again, it depends.
thefooloftheyear Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 As a guy I always pay..Unless she decides to offer to pay I wont do the "back and forth"..Ill just let her pay...Then Ill crack a joke like "I wish I knew you were going to pay, then I would have selected the $150 bottle of wine":laugh: Its just something Ive always done...I have some means, if you are bucks down, I suppose I could see how you would want to share the load...But be prepared...Not too many women like tightasses.. TFY
Star Gazer Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) It's the first proper evening date and YOU are asking, so without question you should pay. As a guy I always pay..Unless she decides to offer to pay I wont do the "back and forth"..Ill just let her pay...Then Ill crack a joke like "I wish I knew you were going to pay, then I would have selected the $150 bottle of wine":laugh: Its just something Ive always done...I have some means, if you are bucks down, I suppose I could see how you would want to share the load...But be prepared...Not too many women like tightasses.. TFY I always offer, but if you let me pay, there wouldn't be another date. I'm paying attention. So it means I should not pay on dates I guess, if I'll ever get one. Recognizing sarcasm would be helpful. Edited August 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
Star Gazer Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Good point. I started to think about payment after I read an article (looking for date ideas) that said I shouldn't pay. But you are right, I shouldn't be worked up about this and am excited about my date, knowing what we'll be doing now Thanks :love: Whatever source you read this article that says you shouldn't pay for a second date (that's actually a first DATE as the first time you saw her was a first MEETING for a cup of coffee) should be a source that you never ever ever rely on again. 1
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I always offer' date=' but if you let me pay, there wouldn't be another date.[/quote'] I had to laugh at this! So, why offer then? A test, right? I once dated a woman who offered and paid on a few occasions. Not all, mind you, just a portion of the dates. I thought I was being reasonable and respectful... I was later informed on why this was not acceptable...much later. This was after we broke-up and decided to remain friends (and we still are ). Your comment brought back a laughable memory for me.
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Whatever source you read this article that says you shouldn't pay for a second date (that's actually a first DATE as the first time you saw her was a first MEETING for a cup of coffee) should be a source that you never ever ever rely on again. Yeah, that article was very likely written by a disgruntled, jaded, angry male! Nothing objective about it.
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