Lorraine34 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I have been cheating on my husband for a year with a younger woman (I'm 34 she's 25) When I'm with my husband I don't feel anything and never felt anything for him even when we first met. My family persuaded me into marrying him when I was very young and I stupidly went along with it now I'm stuck with him and have been stuck with him for 16 years. When I'm with the woman I am cheating on him with I feel happy and "nervous" around her and she treats me better than my husband ever has. I would just leave my husband but I have three sons and don't want to upset them as they have been raised very homophobic by my husband. Although the woman I am "with" deals with kids on a daily basis and would make a great parent my husband and my family would never let my kids see her. If I go through with this and leave my husband I would have to get my kids to accept my new relationship which would be easy if it wasn't for my husband and my family in their ear and I would have to fight very hard to have my kids spend time with me but if I stay with my husband I will continue being depressed and feeling hopeless, living my life like this is hell but I don't know which route would be easiest.
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) The answer is obvious. Leave, make a better life for yourself. your sons are your sons whatever happens. You will always be able to communicate with them. (How old are they? Are you telling us your H is the only one with influence over their attitudes and upbringing?) Your husband's homophobic issues are his to deal with. Take each stage as it comes. but fer chrissakes, just get out!! Edited August 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
keepontruckin Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 There is no "easy" route. My opinion? You come clean with your husband about your situation, and deal with the aftermath. You keep calm, cool, and collected. The only thing worse than a cheater, is a cheater that cannot tell the truth. You tell the truth... To yourself, to your kids, and to your husband.
MissBee Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I have been cheating on my husband for a year with a younger woman (I'm 34 she's 25) When I'm with my husband I don't feel anything and never felt anything for him even when we first met. My family persuaded me into marrying him when I was very young and I stupidly went along with it now I'm stuck with him and have been stuck with him for 16 years. When I'm with the woman I am cheating on him with I feel happy and "nervous" around her and she treats me better than my husband ever has. I would just leave my husband but I have three sons and don't want to upset them as they have been raised very homophobic by my husband. Although the woman I am "with" deals with kids on a daily basis and would make a great parent my husband and my family would never let my kids see her. If I go through with this and leave my husband I would have to get my kids to accept my new relationship which would be easy if it wasn't for my husband and my family in their ear and I would have to fight very hard to have my kids spend time with me but if I stay with my husband I will continue being depressed and feeling hopeless, living my life like this is hell but I don't know which route would be easiest. Wow...this is a lot. So do you feel like in general you are a lesbian or are you not attracted to your husband specifically, but have had attraction to other men? Have you liked other women before? How long has your affair been going on? I don't think there will be an "easy route", the right thing isn't always easy, but in the end is worth it. First off...no one should leave for someone else. You choose to leave your husband if you feel like for 16 years you have never wanted to be with him. You and this woman may not work out even if you leave, so you can't leave solely for her sake. If you are serious about leaving your husband, see a lawyer and find out about your rights. Your family cannot stop you from seeing your kids solely because of your sexual preferences. If you're leaving your husband, you need not announce you're going off with another woman. If you divorce you shouldn't have her around your children as your partner anyway until much later. And with such a transition you will probably need lots of family counseling if and when you decide to make your new relationship known. Take it a step at a time. Start by figuring out what you want to do with your marriage and proceed with figuring out how to properly end it. 4
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I have been cheating on my husband for a year with a younger woman (I'm 34 she's 25) When I'm with my husband I don't feel anything and never felt anything for him even when we first met. My family persuaded me into marrying him when I was very young and I stupidly went along with it now I'm stuck with him and have been stuck with him for 16 years. When I'm with the woman I am cheating on him with I feel happy and "nervous" around her and she treats me better than my husband ever has. I would just leave my husband but I have three sons and don't want to upset them as they have been raised very homophobic by my husband. Although the woman I am "with" deals with kids on a daily basis and would make a great parent my husband and my family would never let my kids see her. If I go through with this and leave my husband I would have to get my kids to accept my new relationship which would be easy if it wasn't for my husband and my family in their ear and I would have to fight very hard to have my kids spend time with me but if I stay with my husband I will continue being depressed and feeling hopeless, living my life like this is hell but I don't know which route would be easiest. People like you are responsible for the decline in marriage. I'm ashamed to be part of the same species. Divorce the poor guy, but try not to take all of his money, okay? It's the least you can do.
sexysue Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Trust me, everthing will be all right if you make that step and be happy. Intially EVERYONE over reacts. Then in time everyone calms down and makes up their own minds about things. Have courage and make up your own to change things for the better its your life, live it. Hope it all works out for you, xx
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Curious what you mean by "people like you" statement. Could we calm down with the "politically correct" nonsense for a second? I wasn't talking about lesbians. I was talking about cheaters. 2
thecharade Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Many people here are bitter and like to lash out, Lorraine. Try to ignore them and focus on the helpful posts. You are in a very difficult position. It sounds as if you really need to get out of your marriage one way or the other. Do you have counseling services? Real life support is critical for something like this. You are going to need a clear, supportive voice to help you stay focused against your family's wishes. Is it possible to get a D without bringing your girlfriend into this? I think a divorce and being on your own is a good first step rather than asking your family to accept so much change at one time. The kids won't be young forever, so maybe after the divorce they will be old enough to think for themselves when meeting your new love. best wishes to you take care of yourself
swenann991 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I have been cheating on my husband for a year with a younger woman (I'm 34 she's 25) When I'm with my husband I don't feel anything and never felt anything for him even when we first met. My family persuaded me into marrying him when I was very young and I stupidly went along with it now I'm stuck with him and have been stuck with him for 16 years. When I'm with the woman I am cheating on him with I feel happy and "nervous" around her and she treats me better than my husband ever has. I would just leave my husband but I have three sons and don't want to upset them as they have been raised very homophobic by my husband. Although the woman I am "with" deals with kids on a daily basis and would make a great parent my husband and my family would never let my kids see her. If I go through with this and leave my husband I would have to get my kids to accept my new relationship which would be easy if it wasn't for my husband and my family in their ear and I would have to fight very hard to have my kids spend time with me but if I stay with my husband I will continue being depressed and feeling hopeless, living my life like this is hell but I don't know which route would be easiest. tough question... are you simply love women? if answer is yes then you should live him
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Many people here are bitter and like to lash out, Lorraine. Try to ignore them and focus on the helpful posts. You are in a very difficult position. It sounds as if you really need to get out of your marriage one way or the other. Do you have counseling services? Real life support is critical for something like this. You are going to need a clear, supportive voice to help you stay focused against your family's wishes. Is it possible to get a D without bringing your girlfriend into this? I think a divorce and being on your own is a good first step rather than asking your family to accept so much change at one time. The kids won't be young forever, so maybe after the divorce they will be old enough to think for themselves when meeting your new love. best wishes to you take care of yourself For the H to file,he has to have good reason. Admit you have a lover. he should/will file for adultery with a third party. The minute you 'give name and pack drill' matters become extremely complicated. Once you guys are officially separated, it may then be an appropriate time to reveal gender. I'm not saying this is what you SHOULD do. I'm merely putting forward a 'damage limitation' strategy which might help move things along a bit faster. But at one point or another, transparent honesty will be essential. And it should be revealed by you, not discovered by anyone else.
Thegameoflife Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Make a plan to leave, and then follow through with it. If you're lesbian, you're lesbian. Everyone will find out eventually, so you might as well do it the better way. 1
Try Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) I have been cheating on my husband for a year with a younger woman (I'm 34 she's 25) When I'm with my husband I don't feel anything and never felt anything for him even when we first met. My family persuaded me into marrying him when I was very young and I stupidly went along with it now I'm stuck with him and have been stuck with him for 16 years. You married your husband under false pretense, and are try to take no responsibility for that by blaming your family. You are cheating on him, and again are try to take no responsibility for your actions by saying that you are gay and never felt anything for him. You could have left him when you got a little older, but instead chose to have children with him. Now you say that you "have been stuck with him for 16 years", when the truth is he never really had a chance at a good marraige with you, and he is the one that has been stuck with a selfish cheater like you. Take out the gay part of your post, and everyone would be saying what I am saying to you, but for some reason many people give gay cheaters a pass because they do not want to be labeled homophobic. Well gay or straight it makes no difference to me. You are a selfish cake eating cheater that will be breaking up your children's family to be with your much younger affair partner. Every singled cheater bad mouths their spouse and tries to blame shift their affair away from themselves. It is part of the cheaters standard script and you are following it to a tee. No one made you cheat. You could have left the marriage if you decided that you wanted to pursue a gay life style, but you instead choose to cheat so that you could use your husband and the benefits of marriage until you had your next gig lined up. Regardless of if this was a gay affair or a straight affair, you ending the marraige to live with your affair partner would have earned you the contempt of your children and family. The gay issue just makes it harder for them to understand, but does not change the basic fact that in the end you cheated, and the damage is the same. As a gay person you seek equality. Well you got it from me as I see little difference between a gay selfish cheater and a straight selfish cheater. That being said, please do your husband the favor of a divorce that will let him find a woman that can honestly say the she loves him; you never could say that. Edited August 11, 2013 by Try 3
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 You married your husband under false pretense.... >Snip< .....do your husband the favor of a divorce that will let him find a woman that can honestly say the she loves him; you never could say that. In fact, the whole post is completely on the button OP. Try has actually smacked the nail on the head. Sounds harsh, but in the cold light of day - there isn't a single thing wrong with that post. 2
Coolit Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I think there is more empathy with gay cheaters because as in this situation the pressure they often recieve is more than they can overcome. Specially when young. And unless a person has went thru it then they really have no idea. If my family knew that threesomes were involved in my A they would be far more upset then just a man. But cheating is cheating. I think this OP has a valid reason to have left her marriage. But not to cheat. Se should have left as soon as she sorted out she was gay.
TaraMaiden Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 This may be a case of a one-hit (single "Trollin' " post) wonder... The OP originally posted the thread in 3 separate sections (I guess to get good coverage) but they have been condensed/reduced to one.... I'm just waiting for her to return.... Maybe she will, maybe she won't.... But if she don't then maybe this was just a bit of fun on a quiet afternoon with nothing else to do....?
bubbaganoosh Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Maybe it's just me but there isn't a soul walking the face of this earth that will force me to marry someone that I don't want to marry. You had to be dating this guy for a while, and you never told him that you like women? Don't you think that he should have known that? I don't believe for one minuet that a gun was held to your head while you were walking down the aisle. I reality you should have come clean a long time ago and saved yourself a lot of trouble. I wish you luck
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