unicornchacha1 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 There is a guy that ive known for a year through a mutual friend.We are facebook friends and we have only hung out the last year maybe 10 times with our group of friends,never alone.Ive always felt a "connection" with him but im a guarded person when it comes to guys and it takes awhile for me to open up so i never made a move.Ive had a feeling he has a crush on me this whole time but hes never made a move or anything and hes been single most of the year.Ive had a close gal friend of mine say he really likes me she thinks and that he pays me alot of attention in group settings and online hes very attentive of me.Throughout the year we have chatted over message 2 times as friends and even with that hes very easy to talk to... most recently he was pursuing a girl and after a very short period she ended it with him.the next morning afterwards he messaged me on facebook telling me somthing random and then we just chatted all day.At the end of the night he mentioned about how "his gf pissed me off and im done with her" I didnt say much and then the convo ended.The next day I started talking again and he was talking to me about girls and his new requirments for them (some stuff pertained to me).the convo was a little flirty not too much So finally after a few days of talking I think I made a mistake Im not sure.I asked him what his intentions were and how I thought it was weird he began talking to me after that girl cut him off.he responded saying "he just wanted to talk and sorry for the mixed signals" people ive talked to said i shouldnt have just bombarded him with that question so since then Ive felt like I made a mistake so now it will be awkward.I actually was really upset cause I thought by him saying that ment he didnt like me at all Im overthinking it but I need some advice :/
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Nope you did good, contrary to popular belief from your knuckle head friends....opening your mouth is not a bad thing, it was assertive and to the point and guess what...he gave you an honest answer "sorry for sending you mixed signals" because that's what he was doing and believe me he was doing it intentionally but just trying to play it off casually. If this guy was truly interested in you he would have pursued you at some time, now that he's pissed with his ex or having whatever drama he's just trying to use you as a rebound to see if you'll lend him and ear and be sympathetic to his feelings/situation...now he's just trying to probe to see what he can get from you until he recovers and finds another girl that he really is interested in. Don't be a fool or a backup, this guy had plenty of chances and opportunity just don't think "well maybe he was already interested and now is a good chance"...no, now you are a backup plan since he suspects you are interested and don't be surprised if someone tipped him off either. Don't fall for it, you did good and got your answer...this guy will play with you at best. Don't be afraid to read the signs. 3
Author unicornchacha1 Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 you dont think he hasnt made a move cause I showed no intrest in him? Im being honest Im a very closed of person when it comes to that as far as flirting and stuff like I never showed him affection like that or told any of my friends I liked him...
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 you dont think he hasnt made a move cause I showed no intrest in him? Im being honest Im a very closed of person when it comes to that as far as flirting and stuff like I never showed him affection like that or told any of my friends I liked him... No, because he had opportunities to get to know you over the course of all this time and he had plenty of chances to talk to you on FB or in person over the course of an entire year, he would have showed interest at some point in time and the way he opened up about his ex and tried to talk to you about it shows that he isn't too shy to have said something a bit personal...he would have at least tried talking to you long before this moment, nothing happened or come to surface just coincidentally. I realize you are closed off person and you sound like a big introvert, someone who is perfectly fine being a fly on the wall and comfortable with the slow crawling pace of getting to know someone and taking things slow as you need to delayer yourself over time and consecutive interactions to build that trust and closeness with someone before you can be yourself...but don't fault yourself for something you didn't do in this case, don't feel responsible for the timing of this situation...that is purely consequential to what is occurring in his own personal life, this is not about you being an introvert and not showing affection, that is your own insecurity, he's never made the real effort of getting to know you and if that's what you call an effort, by talking about his ex-gf, you are mistaken...that just means he ain't over it and looking to vent. If people know you that well they could have said something though, or maybe he even noticed (people like to gossip)...as much as an introvert you might be, you might not be as unreadable as you think you are, you still get to know someones behavior over time, and even if not...guys can still throw a bone out there and see how a girl responds. But that's not the main focus or point here, it's largely irrelevant because we don't know for sure. I would advise you to start trying to be more sociable and loosen up a bit, maybe not with your own social circle but try and expose yourself a little more and express your opinions and how you feel...guys need a chance to see who you are, but at the same time don't be hyper-critical or self-conscious about it to the point where you're just vulnerable...just do things that make you feel nervous and be bold here and there and do something out of the ordinary, that's how you grow. Bottom line though, you're reading too much into this, I don't think this guy is that interested and I think he's just reacting out of his last relationship...even if it was "genuine" I would say date a different guy, he's not the right choice...even if he might be the only choice or the biggest blip on the radar because he's showing you interest. It's a shame that you did a good thing and might regret it or even notice it because as a woman that's exactly what you're supposed to do, open your mouth and ask the real questions...most women are all insecure and don't want to "ruin it" trying to play these games to gain a guys interest when it's not even about that...and then you can see how well they do with men...I think that speaks for itself. 1
RedRobin Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 OP, asking questions is good. Don't be embarrassed about asking them... I agree with Ninja that this guy is riding on the fence and likely not interested... 2
nescafe1982 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Guy sounds like a flake. And your questions were fair play and I would have done the same. Good instincts! As a side note, if you aren't all that close to this guy and he started messaging you too-personal stuff about being mad at his ex, that would send up red flags in my mind. My opinion is that it's really poor taste to bash exes with casual friends, flirting or no. Probably not someone to get involved with in a romantic type of setting. 1
truth_seeker Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 If this guy was truly interested in you he would have pursued you at some time, now that he's pissed with his ex or having whatever drama he's just trying to use you as a rebound to see if you'll lend him and ear and be sympathetic to his feelings/situation...now he's just trying to probe to see what he can get from you until he recovers and finds another girl that he really is interested in. Some good advice here. Take it.
truth_seeker Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Guy sounds like a flake. And your questions were fair play and I would have done the same. Good instincts! As a side note, if you aren't all that close to this guy and he started messaging you too-personal stuff about being mad at his ex, that would send up red flags in my mind. My opinion is that it's really poor taste to bash exes with casual friends, flirting or no. Probably not someone to get involved with in a romantic type of setting. So true! He just wanted to vent and see if he could get some easy play off of you. Once you called him out on it, he played it like he didn't mean to send mixed signals. Guy is a slick bastard.
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