! long distance, cheating, Breakup/break?

[peanuts123]

Long story short. My boy and I have been dating for over 3 years, the first year was absolutely amazing. We were madly in love, and both of us were CRAZY about each other. I then had to go for my further education, but we were so in love, so we didn't break it off. I visited him yearly for a couple of months during my vacations, or whenever I had time.

Things were going very well, until I started making friends at my new university. I used to get called names for whatever I did. If I took a group picture and if my boyfriend saw it, then he used to scream at me demanding why I took those pictures. If a guy's hands came on my shoulder while taking the picture, I was the bad person, apparently. I got called so many names, when it wasn't even my fault, but I still took it in, hoping that one day he would realize and stop what he is doing. I told him many times to stop doing what he is doing, cry about it, and he would apologize, and do it again the next day. He would really make the biggest deal out of something so small, it felt like he didn't trust me at all, but I still went on with it.

I visited him back home to fix things up, we were fine, but when I went back to where I study, things got messy again, until to the point where I couldn't take it.

I told him that I really needed a break, I cant deal with his insecurities and insults because that pulled my self esteem down so much.

(this was november of 2012)

I told him that I needed a two week break, and dont bother talking to me in those two weeks. He didn't but kept sending me occational messages. I got sick and tired of his clingyness, and started going out a lot, with my friends.

I then met a friends friend, and things got stupid and we ended up having a stupid, short kiss. It wasn't even huge, but I got extremely guilty, and messaged my boyfriend that I didnt want to be with him, as it would be so unfair to him if he found out. I didnt want to break up with him as I really loved him, and we have been together for three years. He was my baby, and I guess it was my stupidity to take such a lame step.

Eventually he forced me to tell him what had happened, and I ended up telling him.

After that, things went absolutely out of control, he insulted me in every way possible, cried on webcam, i cried with him telling how sorry I was, but he kept insulting me, for about one month straight, daily insults, degrading insults.

I couldnt take it and left my studies to be with him for four months. I left everything, took a flight to where he was, (16 hour flight) and I went to him.

Things started to be great, we were fine when I was there, our love seemed like it had increased and he would bring the kiss up occationally, but I honestly thought it would slowly fade away. I was with him for 4 months and things were great!

Until I came back in May, back to where I study. Things were great until he said he doesnt want to be with me. I was fine as I thought he is just messing around and he would tell me how much he loves me.

Two weeks later, I couldnt handle how things were. I couldnt just be friends with him so I kept calling him and asking him if we can continue dating, and kept telling him how much I missed him. He kept rejecting me, telling me how bad I was, how I betrayed him. I couldnt take it and went in depression. How can he say all these mean things to me. I started going for councelling and got sucidal. I couldn't take his mean words. Whenever I called him, he kept reminding me that I have other friends to cry to, and was extremely rude to me.

Until one day I suspected that he was talking to my friend, back home. I asked my friend and she denied my accusation. I then couldn't take it and hacked into my ex's facebook, and I was right, they were talking.

I freaked out, called both of them and insulted both of them like there was no tomorrow. I was so hurt because he ignored me so much and told her so many of our secrets. Ever since that I have been crying daily, and ignoring his messages. He sends me a message daily asking if Im studying well and he wants to be there until my exams get over. He wants to help me stand up on my feet.

I have been ignoring him for three weeks as my heart was shattered. I thought this boy was my soulmate. I loved him and opened up to him, told him what had happened to me in the past, and I can't trust men like that, but he doesn't seem to care because I cheated on him by kissing another guy. Im so hurt I do not know what to do.

Why is he messaging me now? Is he guilty that I found out he was tlaking to my friend? Or does he really love me? Why was he ignoring me for two straight months, when I wanted to talk to him.

I just feel that this is very unfair as I have always forgiven him, but he never gave me another chance to prove my love to him after that ****ty stupid thing i did. Should I respond back to his messages? :(

[Philosoraptor]

This relationship was full of control and jealousy. You should have known early on that he had very controlling tendencies and dumped him on the spot. Were you wrong to kiss someone else while exclusive? Yes. But you didn't deserve the continued verbal assult. Then he moved on himself and this caused your jealousy.

 

No, do not respond. This is a very unhealthy dynamic and nothing but pain is going to happen if you continue to speak with this person. You'd be best off to delete and block him in every way possible for him to contact you. Then work on moving on emotionally and healing from this bad relationship.