365daysgone Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Does anyone have an explanation why I am 24 and have 1) never had a girlfriend or even a date mind you and 2) have only heard of 2 girls ever liking me and wanting me to ask them out and yet I see shy guys exactly like myself that have or have had multiple girlfriends before. I have wondered this for awhile now. I just don't get it. These guys are much like me in the sense that they don't talk to girls and come off as being shy or quiet or weird but yet I see them with girls. With only this information, can you tell me what they may be doing differently??
Weezy1973 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Does anyone have an explanation why I am 24 and have 1) never had a girlfriend or even a date mind you and 2) have only heard of 2 girls ever liking me and wanting me to ask them out and yet I see shy guys exactly like myself that have or have had multiple girlfriends before. I have wondered this for awhile now. I just don't get it. These guys are much like me in the sense that they don't talk to girls and come off as being shy or quiet or weird but yet I see them with girls. With only this information, can you tell me what they may be doing differently?? You've heard of 2 girls liking you. Did you ask them out? I'm shy. When I think a woman is interested in me, and I find her attractive, I ask her out. It works. 1
Author 365daysgone Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 You've heard of 2 girls liking you. Did you ask them out? I'm shy. When I think a woman is interested in me, and I find her attractive, I ask her out. It works. I was like 10, and 16 at those times. I had incredibly Low la self-esteem and much less confidence than I do now.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Does anyone have an explanation why I am 24 and have 1) never had a girlfriend or even a date mind you and 2) have only heard of 2 girls ever liking me and wanting me to ask them out and yet I see shy guys exactly like myself that have or have had multiple girlfriends before. I have wondered this for awhile now. I just don't get it. These guys are much like me in the sense that they don't talk to girls and come off as being shy or quiet or weird but yet I see them with girls. With only this information, can you tell me what they may be doing differently?? Looks? Height? Job/career? Social status? How often do you ask them out? We need more info.
Author 365daysgone Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Looks? Height? Job/career? Social status? How often do you ask them out? We need more info. -I think I am good looking an well groomed. -I'm like 5'10" -I have just had part-time customer service jobs (never worked with any girls my age) and am in school right now soon online courses. -Social status has been horrible my whole life. Just really really quiet until about a year ago. Now I can be myself with people that I am comfortable around but still have a hard time talking to girls. -Next Wednesday will be my first time asking a girl out (see my thread on asking my swimming instructor out).
white Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I can relate. You already discounted looks, and while I know people can be overly confident in their looks, I also know that you have to be ugly enough to know it very well before it screws up your love life. I'm similar. I know I'm not terrible. Actually I was better ten years ago but my hairline has seriously receded now, prematurely, and I'm beginning to suspect it's more significant as a downer than I've given it credit for (more than one woman has been kind enough to reveal it). C'est la vie. Shyness can do it in men (not women) but I think you're misdiagnosing it. Shyness is another thing you know when you really have. It doesn't make you nervous, it cuts you down completely. You'll never speak at all. Everyone gets nervous but they power through it. The shy don't. This isn't your problem. I think you have at 24 the same problem I'm having 6 years later (in my case down to career and a collapsed social circle, you need to figure out yours). You don't meet enough women in your life. You didn't exactly detail other girls you've known. You haven't explained how you meet them and ask them out and they turn you down, or only last one date. You don't meet them to do any of that at all. You have a poor social life, poor opportunities through work. You haven't failed; you've never had the chance to fail. You haven't begun. What these other guys have is opportunities to meet women. People at all in fact, of which women are half. When you have that, you will find success at some point. When you don't it's the loneliest experience and I feel for you. Most people don't seem to be able to relate. They don't understand how you can possibly go months let alone years without meeting anyone, literally just meeting them at all. I had long term girlfriends in the past. I changed careers to something male dominated and lonely, and grew older while my friends married, had kids and stopped going out or wanting to really socialise any more. I re-emerged into a ****ing harsh new world. In the last 4 years of my life I have met 3 remotely eligible women. A religious nut neighbour who ran her own church and shut me out when I revealed I was atheist; a peace and love reggae and weed type I volunteered with who wasn't into me, I was probably too straight laced; and the last one just a couple months ago, again through volunteering, far too young at 21, unsure in life, attention seeking and again not interested in me. I don't mean these are the women I've tried it on with out of others. This is all the women within a ten year bracket either way of my age, who weren't married, who were hetero, that I have met (and was able to at least learn their names and break bread with) at all. I only made a move on the last girl, because I thought she liked me at first. 5 years ago I had a wonderful girlfriend I was preparing to ask to marry after a 2 year relationship. Children had been talked about. We were happy. That for me was success, real success, not with women but with a woman, which is what counts. I held it in my hands. I won't bore you with what happened. It was nobodies fault. It was taken away and I scrambled to recover in many ways. Since I came out the other side of that process I've been reduced to this paucity of romance, from triumph to disaster, riches to rags. I know there's nothing wrong with me. I just... don't... meet... anyone. Don't carry on for the next 6 years being like this. If I had had different friends, made some different choices in my early twenties, I'd be in a better place now. Take steps to change your life and maintain a social network around yourself. Know lots of men, know their girlfriends, know their girlfriends friends, do things with them all, go places where there are people and women. Learn to make friends easily, learn to be in touch with them all the time, learn to join them whenever they do something. Do these things and you will cross paths with single women. Some of them will like you. It's that straightforward. This is what your buddies do.
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