Buttercup84 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I met this guy at an event in June, and we got in contact via the interner again. He flirted, asked me out etc. Since he lives in another state, we just had our date last night. He likes everything that I do, and I got my hair done etc for the date. The minute I met up with him, he was polite and nice, but I right away knew he was not interested. No flirting, no positive body language towards me etc. I know when a guy is attracted to me and he wasn't. He knows what I look like, and it is not like I gained 100 kg since he last saw me ( in fact, I am fitter ). He talked a lot, mentioned his girl best friend a few times etc. He even made her a ****ing dress once. I did feel very attracted to him, and knowing that he did not feel the same felt crap. He bought me dinner, no flirting. We went dancing, he did not touch me. He gave me a lame hug at the end of the date, and messaged that he had a great time. I am just pissed that he asked me out and on the date he showed no interest at all. I feel like crap, and just want to take a looong break from dating now. I always get the " You are a great girl, but I am just not feeling it". I am no model, but not a troll either. Ugh.
MidwestUSA Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Some guys just aren't that flirty in person. There is comfort in being behind a keyboard flirting. Are you absolutely sure he wasn't interested? He messaged you later, right? He wouldn't have done this if he wanted to blow you off completely. Having said that, it was poor form to talk about his best female friend. Maybe he's socially inept? Would you go out again if he asked? First dates are often awkward for one, usually both, parties. Seriously, he makes dresses?
KatZee Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 How can you be certain he wasn't into you? Because he wasn't putting his paws all over you or acting so into you on the FIRST date? The first date I went on with the guy I'm still talking to followed pretty much the same pattern. We met up, we had dinner, he didn't try to touch me, get in my space, didn't even attempt a good bye hug or kiss. Nothing. He could have just been being a gentleman. See if he follows up and asks you out again. If so, he didn't find you hideous. 1
nescafe1982 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Oh man I know that feeling. The end of a painfully mismatched date. Don't beat up on yourself, though... everyone has to go through these (sometimes several of them) before meeting someone they click with. But this kind of thing probably has a lot less to do with you than you're thinking. So much about that first date is out of your hands: where he's at emotionally, what his relationship history is, whether he has some female relative you remind him of, etc. It's brutal to go through it again and again, but instead of swearing off dating altogether, maybe you can treat yourself to something nice (a massage, a weekend trip, a new skirt, an afternoon in the woods with a good book, whatever relaxes you) and get back on that horse after. But I totally relate.
New User Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Some guys just aren't that flirty in person. There is comfort in being behind a keyboard flirting. Are you absolutely sure he wasn't interested? He messaged you later, right? He wouldn't have done this if he wanted to blow you off completely. Having said that, it was poor form to talk about his best female friend. Maybe he's socially inept? Would you go out again if he asked? First dates are often awkward for one, usually both, parties. Seriously, he makes dresses? Pretty close to my thoughts. I'd say that a large percentage of OLD regulars are on there because they are socially awkward and feel more comfortable approaching the opposite sex from the comfort of a keyboard.
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Some guys just aren't that flirty in person. There is comfort in being behind a keyboard flirting. Are you absolutely sure he wasn't interested? He messaged you later, right? He wouldn't have done this if he wanted to blow you off completely. Having said that, it was poor form to talk about his best female friend. Maybe he's socially inept? Would you go out again if he asked? First dates are often awkward for one, usually both, parties. Seriously, he makes dresses? Our date lasted from 4 pm to 3 am. I am used to guys being all over me and flirting. My ex at least touched my hand while we sat down and gave me a peck on the lips at the end. I thought he was just awkward at first, but he was chatty etc. Yes, when he told me about the dress I thought... Okay....
MidwestUSA Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Our date lasted from 4 pm to 3 am. I am used to guys being all over me and flirting. My ex at least touched my hand while we sat down and gave me a peck on the lips at the end. I thought he was just awkward at first, but he was chatty etc. Yes, when he told me about the dress I thought... Okay.... That's a long date, I can't imagine he wasn't interested. He would have found a way to end it early. I agree with KZ, he may have been being a gentleman. Don't let what you are used to/have experienced in the past determine your future! I just asked about the dress because it's fascinating. Sounds like he was trying to find 'chick' stuff to talk about, even if it meant bringing his BFF into it. 1
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 That's a long date, I can't imagine he wasn't interested. He would have found a way to end it early. I agree with KZ, he may have been being a gentleman. Don't let what you are used to/have experienced in the past determine your future! I just asked about the dress because it's fascinating. Sounds like he was trying to find 'chick' stuff to talk about, even if it meant bringing his BFF into it. Hmm. I kind of thougt that he likes his friend. None of my male friends ever do anything like that lol. If he likes someone else, he should not ask me out. But thank you for your reply.
Speakingofwhich Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Looooong date for not liking you! And I think the making dress thing is really cool! A guy friend of mine who is a Dr. and played college football likes to knit and crochet. Interesting! Wait and see. You might hear from him again. 2
365daysgone Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Pretty close to my thoughts. I'd say that a large percentage of OLD regulars are on there because they are socially awkward and feel more comfortable approaching the opposite sex from the comfort of a keyboard. What is OLD?? I keep seeing it mentioned on this site. Is it a dating site? I googled and nothing came up. 1
TB Rhine Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I agree with what others have said... speaking for myself, I can be quite animated (conversationally speaking) when I feel I'm 'clicking' with someone, but I'm absolutely terrible at making that first move. I've only recently come to realize that I've probably let a lot of good opportunities pass me by, simply by waiting too long to take that very important step. Now, I'm a big guy, so that probably contributes a lot to my self-consciousness in these situations. So if the guy you were out with has any sort of stereotypical physically unattractive traits, it may just be a self-esteem issue - he's enjoying your company, and is afraid of bringing things to a crashing, awkward halt by making a move on you. Otherwise, it may just be that he "doesn't get out much," for whatever reason, and hasn't quite finished honing his social skills yet. (An experienced fella would at least know he was expected to refrain from speaking warmly about other attractive women). Bottom line: I agree, as others have stated, that if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have asked you out in the first place, wouldn't have spent as much time with you, and wouldn't have been in a hurry to message you after the fact. These are his ways of showing his interest, and if anything, he's probably afraid that he's being TOO obvious about it.
New User Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 What is OLD?? I keep seeing it mentioned on this site. Is it a dating site? I googled and nothing came up. It just stands for (O)n (L)ine (D)ating.
Lansing Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 He might have just been nervous or wanted to be on his best behaviour. I wouldn't right him off yet. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I also know immediately when someone is not attracted to me, but I had guys who touched me in the past, but didn't follow through. The current guy I'm seeing did not touch me at all on the first date, which confused me, but on the second he kissed me and we even mildly made out for about 1h, in public. So you never know. Give it some time and you'll find out.
RedRobin Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 He spent an awfully long time with you for someone who wasn't interested.... he followed up afterward... and is open enough to share he has some unconventional hobbies that aren't all macho? He didn't try to paw you or suck face with a near stranger (you). Didn't spend half the night on sexy talk? Sounds like a keeper to me!! Totally my type of guy... You could always follow up and ask him out too, if you really liked him. (FYI... my dad made my mother a beautiful green velvet dress... made her jewelry and stained glass... oh, and also built their house by hand... not to mention making a career out of building military and commercial jet aircraft... It's called being a "Renaissance Dude"... he can do it all!!) 3
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 14, 2013 Author Posted August 14, 2013 Thank you everyone. No word from him yet, think it is time to move on. I just don't know what I did wrong for him to lose interest so quickly. I did not talk about past relationships, I did not bitch about anyone or talk bad about myself, I was confident, made him laugh and we talked about so much. Oh well.
Legatus Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 Why don't you send him a text first? Just to see what he's up to?
Kizza Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I agree with the rest. He spent a good amount of time with you for a date and text soon after to say he enjoyed it. I would be more concerned if he did have his paws all over you as that usually means he is thinking with another muscle rather than the one in his head. Give him some time. The second date is always where you get more information. The first date is the icebreaker, initial exploratory stage....
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Well, from what I know now he seems to have feelings for someone else. I am not upset ro be honest, I pretty much had a feeling from the start. Plus the lack of interest and no contact after the date made me lose interest. Happy to stay friends, he did contact me a few days ago but never replied back to my message after that. Do not like men to waste my time. Next
Star Gazer Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Are you sure he's straight! Sounds a little like some meet ups with new guy friends I had back in my WeHo days. 1
Author Buttercup84 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Are you sure he's straight! Sounds a little like some meet ups with new guy friends I had back in my WeHo days. Really ? How so ? Well, I was thinking that too. He does use the words "cute" and gorgeous a bit. But I do not want to stereotype gay people. He has a mix of gay am straight friends, and his friends do not seem like the types he would have to hide it from. He had a girlfriend in the past, and he seemed really into her too. He just made a few remarks on his twitter ( I looked before we met up, wanted to make sure he wasn't a psycho) which sounded like he had unrequited feelings for so someone. And the way he talked about his female friend...seemed weird.
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