Calcmag Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 thankyou calcmag for your reply btw. You're welcome.
Author Foulton Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 I think you have done everything you could to lose your dignity enough. She is clearly stringing you along, has you on a leash and takes you out to walk when she pleases. Based on your last update, she has not provided you with ONE concrete lead, she has absolutely not clue what she wounds yet she is already dating which is still unclear. I can only suggest to write this one off, pick yourself up and move forward, easier said than done but from what I can see you are only prolonging the inevitable. Thanks JDPT. I think your right...I got this stage last night and then U turned. what did you mean by this btw 'she has absolutely not clue what she wounds yet she is already dating which is still unclear'. ?? I probably just need to send her an email and tell her I can't do anymore??
Author Foulton Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Now that you've written this, I can see exactly why you want to hang in there so you can prove that you've changed. But as I said, her head isn't where it needs to be for a successful reconciliation. My ex and I broke up for about the one hundredth time several months ago. He broke our NC to try to prove to me that he had changed. At that point, even though I still loved him and missed him so much, I felt like I had nothing left to give emotionally. It was too soon for me. He persisted and the more he persisted the more he pushed me away. When he eventually left me alone and gave me some space, that's when I became open to giving it another try. But it took about 3 months for me to reach that point. It's still not working out, btw and we're heading for yet another break up, but that's for discussion on my own thread ! This really helps...thanks.
Author Foulton Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Now that you've written this, I can see exactly why you want to hang in there so you can prove that you've changed. But as I said, her head isn't where it needs to be for a successful reconciliation. My ex and I broke up for about the one hundredth time several months ago. He broke our NC to try to prove to me that he had changed. At that point, even though I still loved him and missed him so much, I felt like I had nothing left to give emotionally. It was too soon for me. He persisted and the more he persisted the more he pushed me away. When he eventually left me alone and gave me some space, that's when I became open to giving it another try. But it took about 3 months for me to reach that point. It's still not working out, btw and we're heading for yet another break up, but that's for discussion on my own thread ! Do I just have to leave it open to her, basically say, if you have a change of heart get in touch?
JDPT Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks JDPT. I think your right...I got this stage last night and then U turned. what did you mean by this btw 'she has absolutely not clue what she wounds yet she is already dating which is still unclear'. ?? I probably just need to send her an email and tell her I can't do anymore?? Sorry mind thinks faster than hands operate. What I meant to write was that she has absolutely no clue what she wants out of all of this, she gives you a lot of "I don't knows" and "we will see". You mentioned you have suspicions that she may be dating someone and sounds excited about it yet she has never confirmed this. Again, you continue to prolong the inevitable, she does not need you to give her a heads up to tell her that you can't do this anymore and you need to move on for your own sake. This is something you independently decide and execute. Think about yourself, there are certain times in life when it's ok to be selfish and this is clearly one of them.
Author Foulton Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 thanks. Certainly its considerate for her know iam stopping the pursuit? After all she finished it because I was being too selfish, surely I need to be congruent with my new ways? I can't thank you enough for this bythaway:D
Author Foulton Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 she definitely is dating someone else. We spoke about it, she met him on a night out and suspect she's on date 3 or 4. They havn't slept together...yet. she's gojng travelling in 2 months, and will be unlikely to be back in the UK for 10 months
Calcmag Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 she's gojng travelling in 2 months, and will be unlikely to be back in the UK for 10 months actually, although the thought of this probably is tearing you apart, and part of the reason you're wanting to push so hard now, this could be a very good thing for you both. I think it's time to let her go - and here are the circumstances that will force your hand. I'd just explain to her that being friends with her isn't helping you to move on, reiterate that you're making changes, wish her well and ask her to contact you when she gets back. A year seems like a lifetime right? It will actually go very quickly. It's a perfect opportunity for you to really make those changes, assuming you want to make them for yourself, not just for her? It's a bit of a cliché post break up, but this is a great time for you to work on your own goals and development.
Author Foulton Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 So it I ended the pursuit... ...I told her I couldn't continue on being friends and pursuing her, it was too heartbreaking, said a few nice things and left it there. However, it ended up being a text fury though, started by her saying I think you've made the right decision. I told her its not really my decision, that I havnt been given a sniff from her to reconcile, and ive given my heart. from which she replied 'when it suits you'. She just says I think your making the right decision and I just need you to stick to it now. She said I don't know if I can ever let you in again, I said I need a little bit of hope, she said I can't give it you, I don't trust you. She said I didn't love her when it mattered, and decided to love her when she became off bounds. I told her that I will have to live that, and she said i'll give you two weeks to get over it. After which I said she's no f**cking idea and to leave me alone!! Whoops. Even now...Iam still questioning my decision to stop the pursuit. I know what iam like, it takes me months/years to get over someone.
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