StandardToaster895 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 So here's my scenario: Girlfriend breaks up with me this past Tuesday. Asks to stay best friends (since that's what we were first), I say ok. I enter into NC anyways. Her birthday is in late September. Can I break NC to send a genuinely nice birthday card (without any relation to our broken relationship), then go back into NC and ignore/block all texts/email/Skype/Facebook etc related to the card? Yea? Nay? I would genuinely like to be a decent person about this whole breakup, and besides maybe getting a nice birthday card with no contact after will make her curious
Legatus Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I understand you. I was a decent, polite and nice person even during a lengthy break up. But I would say it depends on the nature of the break up. I wouldn't personally although she had a birthday two weeks after major crisis that resulted in break up. My birthday is in less than a week and since she became so freaking predictable I expect her to write, although when I didn't respond to her fb msg and text last time, she may be too proud, but who knows! anyway I don't care. Tell us more about the break up, it's a 50/50 at the momenth in my opinion
TaraMaiden Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 So here's my scenario: Girlfriend breaks up with me this past Tuesday. Asks to stay best friends (since that's what we were first), I say ok. Bad idea. BAD. B-A-D. Bad, bad idea. Not good. I enter into NC anyways. Her birthday is in late September. Can I break NC to send a genuinely nice birthday card (without any relation to our broken relationship), then go back into NC and ignore/block all texts/email/Skype/Facebook etc related to the card? Yea? Nay? I would genuinely like to be a decent person about this whole breakup, and besides maybe getting a nice birthday card with no contact after will make her curious No. You're in NC. NC means No Contacxt. Not "Oh, okay, No Contact usually, but now and then break it because it's a 'special occasion'." It's not a special occasion. She's your ex. There are no special occasions with exes. It's over. Don't linger, hang on, break No Contact for ANY REASON at all, because breaking No Contact just means you go back to square one. You're no longer an item. Nothing that happens in her life, is a 'special occasion' you are obliged or expected to mark, note, remember or commemorate. 1
JDPT Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Short answer would be, absolutely not. I honestly commend you for starting NC this is a break up not a "break" not that I believe in those. In any event, focus on yourself and moving forward with life. My ex's birthday was last month and you know what I did? absolutely nothing, why? because I'm no longer in a position where I can wish her anything, she dumped me, we are broken up, I'm certain the last person she would have want to hear from on her birthday was me. With that being said remain strong, focus on all the things you can now accomplish since you are a free agent, sky's the limit so don't limit yourself.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 So here's my scenario: Girlfriend breaks up with me this past Tuesday. Asks to stay best friends (since that's what we were first), I say ok. I enter into NC anyways. Her birthday is in late September. Can I break NC to send a genuinely nice birthday card (without any relation to our broken relationship), then go back into NC and ignore/block all texts/email/Skype/Facebook etc related to the card? Yea? Nay? I would genuinely like to be a decent person about this whole breakup, and besides maybe getting a nice birthday card with no contact after will make her curious Not sending anything would make her even more curious. You have the right approach in going NC right away. Continue it and use the time away to your advantage.
Author StandardToaster895 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Tell us more about the break up, it's a 50/50 at the momenth in my opinion I told the whole story over here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/415287-how-proceed I understand most of the reasons not to. Still, like I said, even above being my girlfriend, she was my best friend, and I feel like after four years of that, I can break NC at least to send a card. On the other hand, like Simon said, it might just make her more curious (but I don't want her thinking I'm mad?). This wasn't a breakup where she just dumped me, left me for someone else or anything particularly painful. It was pretty...lowkey? I will at least have to deal with her and be cordial, because my class was extremely small, and very tight, so it'll probably be three months, but I will have to see her around then.
JDPT Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 You are way to considerate, is there any consideration for you? Keep in mind that you guys are no longer an item. I view my girl as a stranger, yes I spent 5 years of my life with her, yes I thought I was going to grow old with her, yes I did a million crazy things for her, things I've never done for anyone in my life, but reality is that it's all over now and as difficult as it may appear to accept it's simply the truth. Don't dwell on sending her a card or looking forward to her birthday, she will be fine she is a big girl and this is what we often neglect to acknowledge. 1
TaraMaiden Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I understand most of the reasons not to. Still, like I said, even above being my girlfriend, she was my best friend, and I feel like after four years of that, I can break NC at least to send a card. I was 'best friends' with my ex-H. for 26 years. When we split up, we never once, ever spoke to each other, ever again. No cards, no greetings, no birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries. Nothing. So trust me, you should go No Contact, and stay there. Not even 'Ish'. On the other hand, like Simon said, it might just make her more curious (but I don't want her thinking I'm mad?). Quit worrying about what she's thinking. It doesn't matter. Affecting how she thinks, or why she thinks it, is no longer your concern or responsibility. All you have to now look to - is you. This wasn't a breakup where she just dumped me, left me for someone else or anything particularly painful. It was pretty...lowkey? So? It's still over, and you're still dumped. The reasons or method are immaterial. You're still left as an ex. I will at least have to deal with her and be cordial, because my class was extremely small, and very tight, so it'll probably be three months, but I will have to see her around then. Cordial, detached, impersonal, distant and non-committal. That's what you'll have to be like. Just class-mates, that's all. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I told the whole story over here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/415287-how-proceed I understand most of the reasons not to. Still, like I said, even above being my girlfriend, she was my best friend, and I feel like after four years of that, I can break NC at least to send a card. On the other hand, like Simon said, it might just make her more curious (but I don't want her thinking I'm mad?). This wasn't a breakup where she just dumped me, left me for someone else or anything particularly painful. It was pretty...lowkey? I will at least have to deal with her and be cordial, because my class was extremely small, and very tight, so it'll probably be three months, but I will have to see her around then. Part of doing NC is getting out of the bolded mentality. You do things for your own reasons and don't worry about how a particular person perceives them. When she broke up with you, she lost all say in what you do and how you do it. Who cares if she's mad -- she's the one who caused this by breaking up. You are just giving her what she wanted.
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