xxgnxx Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 I was with my ex boyfriend for 2 and a half years. It’s been 8 months since he broke up with me and I’m still heartbroken from the break up. My ex is always in my thoughts… always wondering what he’s doing, where he is.. and if he ever thinks about me… I’ve been to counseling, I’ve been keeping myself busy with work and school and I still find myself crying at night. I even took a vacation thinking it would help ease the pain but it made me miss him even more. I know only “time can heal wounds,” but I feel like my wounds haven’t even started the process of healing and it’s closing in to the year mark. Well I guess I would like to know: how do i keep on coping without driving myself crazy?
JamVan Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 There is no easy way to cope with a broken heart, other than continue doing what you're doing. I find myelf like you, thinking of her everyday, wondering all the same stuff, but in reality what they do, what they think and how they feel...you have absolutely no control over this. You could try reading a book on Cognitive Thinking, it's a process of teching yourself to think more positively about feelings, emotions, situations, etc... My heart goes out to you, cause there relly is no pain like a broken heart, but you're doing everything right, just with a longer grieving period. In time, it will get better.
insearchofanswers Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 hang in there .. keep friends and family close by. they will help keep your thoughts and your mind occupied and eventually help you be free of this "torment"
bigacesteve Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 xxgnxx, I'm sorry you are still feeling the pain from your break up after 8 months have passed. Do you still keep in contact with him or have you both kept away from each other all this time? It's been 8 months, you shouldn't be worrying about what he is doing and where he is going. Has he contacted you to see how you are and what you are doing? Try to get on with your own life now and enjoy yourself, let down the walls and enjoy being yourself, enjoy your own company and your freedom. You don't need to look after him anymore, look after yourself. You should have stopped worrying about what he's doing, where he is; there is nothing you can do about it and it just hurts you. I know it's hard because I was dumped recently and it has only been just over a month since I was last wrapped up in bed with her and happy. I miss her like crazy and I know she's out getting drunk with her mates without a care in the world about me; there is nothing I can do about it so I've decided to make myself a better person and leave her to do whatever she wants. I won't lie to you, I'm a very successful person and I've accomplished a great deal in my 28 years but when I was with her I noticed I closed myself off to everyone else, even my family and best friends and I gave my all to my ex. She threw it back in my face. After we split I noticed straight away I was more open and talkative with everyone. Already I'm involved in more and more activities and I have a great social life. The ex is not essential for my well being, I'd like her back but it is not crucial for me to function as a happy individual. What do you think? I don't know your full story about what happened between the 2 of you but take a time out, it's been 8 months and what's changed since you first split? Has any of your worrying made any difference? Don't know about you but life is too short to be worrying when you could be doing something for yourself. Get out with your friends and hit the dance floor, strut your funky stuff. I've started reading again, something I never had time for when I was seeing her. Any spare time I have where I might start wondering what if? I get my book out and read. I go for a run, visit my brother who I pretty much ignored when I was seeing her. When you stop idolising that person who finished with you, like I stopped idolising the girl who binned me, you start to notice that there are other brilliant people out there. I feel lucky because I start a new job in the police (UK) start of next year and I'll be away from this area; I'll be really busy, meet loads of new friends who have the same interests as myself and I'll be a different person because of it. I hope I've been some help to you? I might just be talking rubbish but at 8 months the healing process should have started; sounds like you're holding on as tight as you can. Just let it go or one day when/if you meet again he'll see you're the exact same person he split with and that won't help you one bit. Look after yourself, try changing something in your life, try something new. Start Martial Arts, best thing I ever did, real confidence booster and keeps you safe. Good luck and keep your head up high. Take pride in yourself.
on the edge Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 i'm sorry that you feel so bad. it is a hard road to travel, but you will survive the journey. reality can be a bitter pill to take, but sometimes you just have to swallow it and go on. start looking to the future. something/someone wonderful is waiting for you. don't let beautiful opportunities pass you by because you are still looking in the past. look at the world-it's all there for the taking! make yourself priority, take care of you and go have fun!!!!! you will have better and happier days soon! *hugs*
Author xxgnxx Posted November 5, 2004 Author Posted November 5, 2004 Thanks everyone for your advice. i can always count on this website for advice and to help me cope with what I'm going through. JamVan: It's funny how u mentioned reading a book on cognitive thinking. In college, I took so many classes on cognitive thinking but they never really teach a person how to deal with heartache. I know exactly what is physically happening but i am at a lost when it comes to dealing with a break up. bigacesteve: [/i]Thank you for your words of encouragement and advice. I appreciate it very much . To answer your questions- My ex used to talk to me everyweek when he first broke upwith me.. But recently I haven't heard from him. The last time I talked to him was last month just to check up on me and to see if I was doing ok. Sometimes I wish that he should have just cheated on me so that I could find a reason to let him go but I can't. There really is nothing to hate about him. He was good to me. He never cheated on me nor abused me physically or mentally. The only problem I was that he fell out of love and I never stopped loving him until now. To everyone else: Thank you very much. You guys have helped me tremendously.
DESI Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Your story sounds the same as mine, except for the only difference is that I have been broken up for almost 6 months, and I'm still not over it. You said ur ex used to call u every week to see how you were doing. You are very lucky, my ex just left said he wasn't in love with me anymore, and I haven't really heard from him since. At least he still cared enough about you to call and see how you were. Take that and use it to pick yourself up. He was the last one to call you.....keep it that way. That leaves the ball in your court. I could only wish that my ex would call me.
moon Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 Eight months isn't such a long time to be morning your ex. But I know that daily pain and it probably feels like it's been eight years instead of months. If you haven't had any contact with the guy at all in eight months it might not be such a bad idea to write him a letter and tell him how much pain this has caused you. I did this to one of my exs and I got back a prompt letter telling me sorry, that he was in a serious relationship now (a marriage--didn't really know that at the time) and that I should move on---He said we had a decent relationship, but it's over now--he's got to think about his wife. Hearing that from him really hit home. It really hurt more than ever for another six months and then all of a sudden all of my feelings for the man just left me. I guess I realized how much I had tortured myself for this one stinking humanbeing that it just stopped adding up to me. I said screw him---finally and moved on. What did I expect anyway....he was now married! It was quite a few years since our break-up when I wrote and for closure I wanted him to know how much the ending of our relationship had hurt me. Yes, he was married, but it was one of those things where he was in a third world country for a few months and got a local girl pregnant. He wanted her to have his child so he married her so he could get them out of the county. This is a true story. But dumb luck---the relationship stuck. Only he could have that good a luck. Just proving to myself more and more that he is a relationship genious with the ladies--he could wow them and keep them coming--he had me tied up for a long time. Note to self: don't hook up again with a guy who everybody wants.....but who calls himself picky. Worst combination ever. It sounds cruel but maybe you need to give yourself ANOTHER shot of reality. That final slap may do the trick. Don't really expect him to write back and say he also missed you sooo much after eight months. If he broke up with you and hasn't called then the deal is probably off. Sorry to say. That's what I've realized. Or maybe do it at the one year mark. Good luck.
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