soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) Well, the first week is done. I haven't spoken to her since around 3:00 Friday of last week. I haven't felt any urge to talk to her or contact her, but the pain is still very much there when I'm by myself. I'm hanging with friends a lot and throwing myself at my hobbies to distract myself and it works. The worst is when I wake up or go to sleep, I'm still not used to being by myself and I still wake up and roll over hoping she'll be there. Surprising myself, I haven't looked at her social media in 3 days. Normally, even when I'm NC I'm really bad at that, but I know it won't help me at all. I know she's going to send me breadcrumbs at some point, and I'm usually okay at ignoring them for a day or two and then crumbling. She knows what to say to get to me. But this time, I can't just go back. I always do. I'm so sick and tired of being so predictable. I won't say anything to her. I'm gone this time. Maybe if she sends me something substantial, something besides a damn sliver of nothing, I'll take a look at it and go from there. I wish we'd be friends. Then she'd be forced to look at me and confront her feelings instead of running away. Edited August 10, 2013 by spiritseekerpsp 2
Legatus Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 For some people running away seems like the only logical way out. In reality their judgement is purely corrupted and selfish.. Watch out for those breadcrumbs, delete them immediately if you think you may cave in ,even if she needs something. At least let her wait if you must 2
JDPT Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I commend you for remaining strong, one week down and may more years to come! I think you have a fundamental concept as to what you need to do to move forward with your life. Focus on the many things that you will like to accomplish now that you are a free agent. Wishing to be friends is normal, however, understand that it's only wishful thinking and your mind playing tricks on you, pay no mind to those thoughts. Continue NC, stay in tune with your emotions, know that you will have many ups and downs ahead and that's perfectly fine, its part of the grieving process. Put effort towards your recovery and you will come out a new and improved you.
Author soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 I broke today. It's hard. I woke up late for work, and as I was rushing to get ready I was extremely miserable. Whenever I was stressed by being late for something she would always make it better because I could just get ready and run back to my room and kiss her on the forehead and give her a huge hug and know she'd be waiting for me at the end of the day. I didnt text her. I texted her brother. I told him I was sorry for everything that happened, and that I know he's tired of his sister getting hurt. I told him it was a mistake to text him and I wouldn''t bother him or his sister again. It sucks. Her brother and I got along really well, and every other time he was always in my corner, always trying to help patch things up between me and her. Day 1 begins now. 2
zues Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Dont be afraid to let her go. hope is gone. she is gone. day by day you will improve that small bit. stay strong brother! i know how it feels im sitting at 00.30 at night thinking about her and thinking if i let her go she is gone forever even though she is already gone forever. 2
fujidabruin Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I broke today. It's hard. I woke up late for work, and as I was rushing to get ready I was extremely miserable. Whenever I was stressed by being late for something she would always make it better because I could just get ready and run back to my room and kiss her on the forehead and give her a huge hug and know she'd be waiting for me at the end of the day. I didnt text her. I texted her brother. I told him I was sorry for everything that happened, and that I know he's tired of his sister getting hurt. I told him it was a mistake to text him and I wouldn''t bother him or his sister again. It sucks. Her brother and I got along really well, and every other time he was always in my corner, always trying to help patch things up between me and her. Day 1 begins now. Sucks dude. I kept thinking why would she need to experience things on her own when she said we were sooo good together. Its BS!!! They are confused and we have to pay for it. When it was good it was so great. But now its over and even though its just day 17 of full NC, I don't wanna go back. She is great but I want someone different than a person who throws a great thing away cause they wanna run off in a confused state claiming that they are looking for freedom or some other lame reason. Time to get back in touch with me and take care of me. Its sooooo over. Onward and upward my friends!
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