Leykis1o1 Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 ive never dated a single mom..ive hung out with her a ferw times, its even gotten hot anf heavy....the realationship is just starting so im asking for a few pointers or even a good book on the subject..cause i dont have a clue..i really like her and her son..she and her son seam to fit into my ideals...but i dont want to make any wrong moves that will upset her cause moms are very overly protective...thank you for your help
bluechocolate Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Act pretty much how you would act with any woman you're interested in - she's a single mom but she's still a woman. Of course her time is going to be somewhat constrained but if you did some free-time stuff where the kid could be included & always understand that her child is the most important person in her life then you'll really get into her good books.
dizi Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Don't you know that one of the rules of Leykis 101 is NOT to date a single mom? That's pretty cool that you are....I used to be one. I'd have to agree with Blue (I usually do! ...do things that will involve her child as well. Show interest! Be on your best behavior, don't ever yell at him or her - of course, have fun, and don't give her advice on how to raise her son UNLESS SHE ASKS YOU FOR ADVICE!! This is the BEST advice I can give you! Books: Keys to Successful Step fathering by Carl E. Pickhardt seemed to do something for my honey, and it's an easy read. 7 Steps to Bonding With Your Stepchild by, Suzen J. Zeigahn is also good. You can find both of these books on Amazon, or check out the library. You may not be planning on marrying this girl anytime soon, but her child might not see it that way! Children can get attached easily, or they may be very hesitant, distant, and jealous. How old is he? Some people suggest not getting to know the child until it's a 'for sure' thing, but I think you already know him, so that's moot. Hopefully these books can help you. Very good of you to look for resources and advice~admirable! Good luck!
bluechocolate Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 from Dizi I'd have to agree with Blue (I usually do! ... aw shucks (great minds think alike perhaps...?)
Author Leykis1o1 Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 im a fairy good looking guy able to get hot chicks.. in fact this chick is a hot chick..ya i shouldnt date chicks with kids according to leykis ..actually i never have..but i thought id give it a try..in fact this chick has been me neighbor for a year now.i look out my apartment window and about 30 feeet away i can see her front door..ha...ive never talked to her until 2 weeks ago and when we did we hit it off..the other reason is ive allways had a Gf until a month ago so ive allways shyed away from talking to her cause i knew i was attracted to her and i didnt want to cause trouble with my GF at the time...thats the background yah actually i think ive been handling it pretty well..i mentioned to her when i met her over some conversation that when date her im actually dating her and her son...she told me in the past that no man has ever taken interst in her son..i also mentioned that there is a Monster Truck show in 2 weeks and her son would go nuts..she was all impressed with that and we now have a date to go to that.... as for mentioning things on how to raise her son...i think i have this inner instict to help out..the other day she was carving pumpkins with her son and her son was wearing gloves..she mentioned it to me and i mentionmed it to her back in a funny voice .."men dont wear gloves when carving pumpkins what are you teaching him" in a laughing tone..so are you saying i shouldnt ever mention anything how to raise her son? or is there some sort of fine line?
dizi Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 That's why I asked how old he is...I can give you better advice if I knew that..
tiki Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 As a single mom myself, treat her as you would anyone else. There may be times of need where you'll have to be understanding, but other than that, you should be fine. Take it slow and easy, treat her with respect (as you chould be doing any woman).
Stone Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 I am also a single mom and it is very important that you get along with and also CARE for her son. where is the father?
Author Leykis1o1 Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 her Son is 5, his father lives in Texas..we are here in CA..
bluechocolate Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Originally posted by Leykis1o1 her Son is 5, his father lives in Texas..we are here in CA.. There are lots of cool fun things to do with a kid that age that you'd never do on your own - even if you really wanted too. My fav is going to the movies - if you can put up with the noise, seeing little kids flicks is a hoot! And like you said - you're taking him to Monster Truck Show - heck! I'd go to one if I could use the kid as the real excuse for my being there! it'll be a blast watching the little guy freak out & get all excited !
dizi Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Okay~That puts things into perspective for me This little boy probably doesn't get to see his father very often, if at all? He will look to you like a father figure immediately, so be careful. I wouldn't suggest spending the night at her house or she and her son at yours. When you are together, teach him things with patience, play with him, make things, etc. But, since this relationship is just starting and if you really like her (not just for what's in her pants!) take it slow and easy. About giving her advice on raising him - leave the disciplining up to her. There is a way that you can offer advice, but you have to be careful...for example...say that after the boy is put to bed, you are thinking about how she could've handled a situation better. You want to talk to her when he isn't around. You don't want to tell her she was wrong, but rather give her ideas like~ "I thought of a great way to keep the boy from running in the parking lot...how bout telling him that he has to touch the car while we are putting stuff away?" (This worked great with my kiddo and my fiance's kiddo-it becomes automatic, and you don't have to worry) This is for an instance say, where she yelled at him and was harsh with him. Just don't criticize her-she's been doing her best on her own, you know? When/if you get married THEN you'll be able to have a say, but for now, be neutral. But, you know-I just went back and read your post again that you only started talking to her 2 weeks ago, so my advice is for the long run! In the "short" run, take it slow for his sake...
dizi Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 I say all this because when my son was very little I dated a guy who would tell him that he loved me and was going to marry me. I wasn't very happy about it because I wasn't ready yet! When that didn't happen, he was crushed. He really wanted a stepdad. I don't know that there is any magic formula...just be careful!
Stone Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 I think that single mothers need to date with a long term relationship in mind, especially when the father isn't around regardless if a realtionship works out or not you don't want your children to be exposed to several diffrent partners.
Naive Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Originally posted by Leykis1o1 ive never dated a single mom..ive hung out with her a ferw times, its even gotten hot anf heavy....the realationship is just starting so im asking for a few pointers or even a good book on the subject..cause i dont have a clue..i really like her and her son..she and her son seam to fit into my ideals...but i dont want to make any wrong moves that will upset her cause moms are very overly protective...thank you for your help Act NORMAL around her. She's not some weird creature just because she has a child. Be yourself.
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