winterxx3 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Freshman year of college, I became great friends with a guy I met that lived in my dorm. Very platonic, but we definitely had a spark of some kind and spent a lot of time together. We went on little "dates" I guess you could call them. Unfortunately, he couldn't afford that school anymore at the time and decided to move back home to go to med school (from Washington State to Michigan). I was sad to see him go, but we communicated regularly on Facebook/texting. We started talking frequently. Even more than we did at school. And he confessed his feelings for me. I reciprocated. This was 2 years ago. We have not seen each other once since, hence the quotations in my title. This was primarily to do with my financial situation (loans, bills) and his medical program. But we both decided not to see other people until we met and saw if we really wanted a LDR or not. I had lost my job in December of 2012. He came up with the idea of me coming to stay for a few months to see if we would work and I could find another. My field is pretty flexible and I'm pretty sure I would have been able to. I told him I did not want to come right away, but do a few visits first when I was able to afford it. He was upset about that, probably because he knew it would have taken awhile. And financially, I knew he was right. So I agreed to just come and see what would happen. If I couldn't find work, I'd go home. But he warned me several times that he didn't want a LDR anymore. That's when the fighting began. I was taking too long. We finally picked a date after bickering for weeks about it. April 2013. A week before I was supposed to come, he broke down and confessed a few things. One being drugs/alcohol. The other being a Craigslist ad/Dating profiles that he never used. I did have proof he didn't. To make a long story short, he lied to me for weeks about both. Blamed everything on his depression. How he had suicidal thoughts. I did believe him. Gave him another shot but postponed the visit for May 2013, as I didn't trust him. He swore that he was done with the drugs/alcohol. I made it very clear that if he were to turn to either, I'm done. He promised he wouldn't. And said he would even take drug tests if I asked. May rolls around and he breaks down again. Tells me that his depression has worsened and doesn't think me coming is a good idea. We stop talking for a few weeks. Only to start again, telling me he's better. But wants me to come in August. I agree, as I'm fine with making more money in the meantime. August rolls around and he just stops talking to me. Tells me he needs time to himself. That he wants to be with me, but not in his current state. He's going to therapy, he's on an anti-depressant. He actually is trying to get better. But I cannot get around the fact that he doesn't want to talk. So, last night he Skypes me. And I'm extremely surprised. Haven't heard from. He explains that he needed a break. Got what he needed. Feels better about depression, doesn't feel suicidal anymore. I ask him where he stands with us. He says that he wants to be together when he finishes school. That's in January. But wants to continue the LDR until then. Doesn't want me to see anyone else. I'm not sure why he went from dying to see me to wanting to see me next year. I can't tell how serious he is about me anymore. He emphasised that he doesn't want me to leave. That he does want to be with me. But his work is important. And doesn't want me coming here alone if he can't be spending time. But why no visits? Is it wrong of me to think he should be showing up at my door? At least once? Does he have a girlfriend at home? Is he still doing drugs? His friends just went on a few vacations. Is he there with them and that's why he doesn't want me to come? Did he go and just doesn't want to tell me? I don't even know. He lied horrendously the first time. I never actually know what he's doing. His birthday was last month. He didn't talk to me at all. And said he didn't do anything for it. I know how bad depression is. And I know how hard medical school is. But I'm lost. Here's the thing. Part of me feels like I should tell this guy to hit the road. But I can't do it cold turkey. I do want to see him. I do want closure. I want to be with him at the same time. He told me numerous times he doesn't want to date anyone else. Doesn't want a relationship with anyone there. That he wants to be with me. Need some insight.
Balzac Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 A rather unbelievable story but I'll bite. You seemingly want a crazy doctor over all other sane choices. I've not read a single reason that this guy is good partner potential. Z E R O. I'm wondering if he's in medical school from your description of him. But if indeed he is, once he's practicing he will be back on the drugs. Do yourself a favor and do some research about medical addicts. Dump this loser. 1
Author winterxx3 Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 A rather unbelievable story but I'll bite. You seemingly want a crazy doctor over all other sane choices. I've not read a single reason that this guy is good partner potential. Z E R O. I'm wondering if he's in medical school from your description of him. But if indeed he is, once he's practicing he will be back on the drugs. Do yourself a favor and do some research about medical addicts. Dump this loser. I WISH I was making this up. I swear. He's not crazy. I know he's depressed. And he has many good qualities. He was extremely patient, sweet, understanding, and caring. But they were washed away by all of this. I'm still hooked because I care, even though I don't know how I cared in the first place. And part of me feels like he'll come around. Also, that I believe it won't be horrid in person.
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