PunchDrunkLove Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) Hey guys, i'm new to the site but i have for the past month or so, been checking up on this site for advice regarding my breakup. In my world, their is no one that i feel comfortable sharing these pains with and i think most don't even care to hear about it and they tell me the usual "Just Move On" lines that are so cliche. Most of the time i feel as if i'm stuck in this dark circle of sorrow and it is only me in it. So i joined this site in order to share my pain with people that understand what i am going through and are also dealing with it currently. I'm lost, confused, sad, depressed, regretful and just about every other bad emotion there is. My mind, body and spirit have been in a total stooper for about 2 1/2 months and i am pretty much at rock bottom. So thanks to everyone who cares to sit through my pain and even if no advice is given, it helps just to type this to remember it all and get it of my chest. I will highlight the "The One" Scenarios with @@ to show the reason i felt/feel it was fate and destiny for us to be together. Yes i am/was that naive to believe she is/was "The One". Here's my story...I was 17 at this time The Talent Show: Around early February , there was this talent show in my school coming up. I Figured i should sign up because i'm a senior and i wanted to go out with a bang. So i decided to do a comedy stand-up act since i'm a pretty funny guy. So for the week leading up to the show, i practiced heavily and wrote my material down in a composition notebook, about 12 pages front and back worth.So now i finish writing my routine and i feel very excited about my work and confident in my material. So the day of the talent show approaches and i am complete mess. I'm nervous and doubtful about my work and i have second thoughts on doing the show. So i'm backstage and i'm the second to last performer. As each performance ends i get more and more nervous and i was seriously contemplating scratching my name off and not going on stage. @@But a voice in my head kept telling me to go through with it and you will be happy afterwards and will thank yourself for doing it. No lie guys i was so nervous i couldn't even sit still, i was just pacing back and forth and coming up with excuses to not go on stage, but the voice kept changing my decision back and forth until i heard my name announced@@... I go on stage, crowd silent, my first 10 words are nervous stutters, i can't remember my lines, i think i am about to be utterly embarrassed... @@Then, as if the lord possessed me, everything instantly snapped on and i killed it@@. The crowd was laughing and everyone was enjoying the show. Afterwards i felt so good about myself. My self-esteem was at an all time high and on top of that, everyone was congratulating me and giving me props. I felt like the king of the school lol, and for a day i was. Afterwards i just knew something good was in store, not anything specific but i guess i just had a great feeling about what tomorrow would bring(not literally tomorrow). We First Meet: ***So before i start this, the class me and the girl shared was Shakespeare on Tuesdays and Fridays.@@ I just changed classes because i had a very boring spanish class and elected to do shakespeare instead, even though my best friend was in spanish@@. So i had changed mid-way through the semester so me and a hand full of students had some catching up to do on the material. So since the talent show was on friday at the time i would normally have this class, i met her that following tuesday.*** On the following tuesday, i come into the class fresh off of my show and the god-mode feeling i had has pretty much rubbed off by this time hahaha. So i have seen Ruth in this class for about 1 week but she was just another face, i didn't care for her or know her at all. We never spoke one word prior or even looked at each other intentionally. So on this day the class we had an exam, but since we joined the class late, about 6 of us had to watch Titus in order to catch up on the course. So on this day the teacher puts a big TV in the back for all of the late kids so that we can watch the film, and the rest of the class was doing the exam. So in this class i have only one friend i know and it is my fellow senior Rasheen. The rest of the class were Juniors. @@So on this day, for what ever reason, when i came in the class to sit down i chose to not sit next to Rasheen like i normally have been. I wasn't angry at him or anything and there wasn't a voice telling me to sit somewhere else, i just for some unknown reason decided to sit one seat behind him.@@ Ruth walks in... Teacher directs her to sit in the back with us in order to catch up on the course. @@She sits down about 3 seats away from me, looks at me, gets up and moves one seat away@@. So now im sitting one seat behind rasheen but diagonally and she is sitting one seat behind me but diagonally. Basically just draw an arrow pointed to the right to visualize how the 3 of us were seated. @@So anyways, the teacher tries to play the movie but for what ever reason the TV was acting weird this day. He tried to bang on it and even called the school technician but to no avail@@. So now during the process of trying to get the TV to work, she starts throwing little small talk my way. Things like "wow this sucks right?" and "OMG this is annoying ain't it?". So at this point in time i had NO attraction to here what so ever and i kept throwing one liners like "Lol yeah" back at her. @@ So finally the teacher gives up and says that we have the rest of the class to ourselves @@. So now i wanted to sit next to rasheen again but someone had taken the seat and he was about to go to sleep anyways. So now we have free time basically. I'm stuck in my seat bored with nothing to do but wait until the period ends. Rasheen is sleep so i have NO ONE to talk to, and then IT happens... @@ As i'm sitting there bored i decide to change my gum, now mind you at around this time i normally Never have any left because everyone asks for some and i go through my packs pretty fast, but i had ONE MORE LEFT. @@ I take out my old gum, put in the new piece, put the old gum in the wrapper and toss it over my shoulder... Out of the blue Ruth tells me "Messy, Messy Boy". So i have no idea who this girl is and i turn around with the "wtf face" and ask that very question. I ask her "What?" and she repeats herself and asked me "Is that how you treat your home?". Now i decided to pick the gum up because she was right and told her "If it makes you happy...". So then she says "Yes, now i am happy" and we share a laugh. And then before i know it we start talking about a whole bunch of things. We talked mostly about family (well she did most of the talking) and we had a really great conversation and we didn't even know each others names! So the period winds-down and we are packing up getting ready to leave. So i still didn't really have much interest in her because i figured she was bored and just wanted someone to talk to that period since she couldn't talk to her friends who were testing.So as i'm packing up, i'm thinking okay i guess i will say hi to her or now on, just another girl that i will now know, nothing serious at all, no attraction has yet come to my mind. And then it happens... @@While packing she says something that i will always remember and till this day gives me goosebumps and a racing heart. I was packing my bags and she was mumbling something that i wasn't really paying attention to, i was just focused on getting my books in my bag. But then i heard when she said "I can look into a mans eyes and tell if they are right one for me"... I look to my left, about to laugh at her remark and tell her why i felt that was not true, and when i turn my head there she is staring right into my soul. We locked eyes for no more than 4 seconds but it felt like an eternity. My heart felt like it was struck by lighting and my body just felt like it had been zapped by 10000000 bolts. I had fallen in love with her that instant. Not deeply in love like i am now but i loved this unknown girl instantly when we locked eyes. I seen everything about her in her eyes and i didn't even know her name. So now after that we start to laugh and we both get up to leave and to my surprise she was very short. I'm 6'3 and she is 5'2 so i tell her she is shorter than i thought to break the awkward 3 seconds we had after staring at each other and she replies that i am quite tall myself. So then i basically run out of the class a nervous mess and all i can think is "Who is that girl?". So i meet up with the rest of my crew in the hallway and they are babbling about useless stuff and me-normally the funny comedy guy of the group-is standing up against my locker silent, day dreaming about this girl. So finally i interrupt them and ask them what is her name. I had it to them like this, "Hey, i just had a crazy convo with this girl last period, but i don't even know her name, she is 5'2 and dominican". One of my friends replied "You may be talking about Ruth". And i replied "Ruth?, ***nods head*** Ruth", and i collect my thoughts and shake my head of her and me and the guys go to lunch. Just Friends...For Now Okay now the story picks up, sorry guys for the turtle like pace but as i write this i am also reflecting and i may lapse into unnecessary details sometimes. So now from the first day we met the next class we would have together would be on friday. It felt like an eternity and 3 days was too long. So when friday rolled around i was nervous, not because of seeing her or talking to her but because i thought she only struck up the convo with me out of boredom and that she would go back to being a stranger. But i was in for quite a surprise. I ran into the class first so that she would choose to either sit next to or away from me. As i sit there waiting for her to enter the classroom, i am hoping she at least says high and remembers me. She walks in...Looks at me, walks over and sits right next to me ! So now i know that she atleast has interest in me as a person and wants to know me more. So for the next 2 weeks we are in class talking to each other. She is a good friend of mine while also the love of my life lol. So now we are a week before spring break and i need to get her number because i was so attracted to her, i just wanted to be able to talk to her whenever and also i couldn't bare waiting 2 weeks to speak with her again. So on tuesday, i write my number down on a piece of paper before i go to school. I told myself if i see her in the hallway i would just give it to her and keep walking, but i never seen her in the hallway. So when we were in class i pulled out the paper and was about to hand it to her, but EVERYONE was surrounding us and to make matters worse, Ruth sat in front of me this day. We were in the middle of everyone and i wanted to be as discrete as possible. So while waiting for the perfect opportunity, my palms get sweaty and the paper gets moist. In my mind i think i will just have to wait another time to slip it. @@ Then when all hope is lost, i look around and EVERYONE is sleep lol. Except for me and Ruth and a few students in front @@. So i took advantage of this and tapped her and gave her the paper. She smiled and asked "What's this?" knowing exactly what it was. Then she puts it in her boot and says "I want to make sure i don't lose it" then smiles at me and then turns around... 2 days go by and no call from her. I'm thinking she just took my number to be nice and forgot about me. So then on thursday i bump into her before leaving school and ask why she hasn't text'd me or called yet. And she says angrily that she has but i haven't text'd her back. So i show her that she hasn't and she shows me that she has and i show her that she was texting the wrong number and that she entered it wrong (probably since the paper was so sweaty lol). We share a laugh, she puts in my number correctly and texts me a half hour after school was done. The first thing i tell her in order to break the awkward ice was that my favorite show is SpongeBob SquarePants lol. She freaks out and texts that it is her fave show too. I forget what we text about from there but asked if it would be okay i called her later that night and she says sure. I call her at 9, and we talk about everything imaginable. From our favorite super powers to politics. We stayed up until 3 AM yapping and it felt like 10 minutes. We were in the zone. So at 2:50 AM, me and here are just sooooo slumped. We sound like zombies on the phone and she says she is about to go to sleep. So i tell her lets just make it to 3:00 AM to set a milestone and she says okay and we proceed to motivate each other to make it ten more minutes. We sounded so sleepy and dead. All we were saying was "3 more minutes, we can do it!!" and sure enough we did, we made it to 3:00 AM. So then she says she had a great time talking and that she will see me tomorrow. we say good night and fall asleep immediately after lol. So in school, we see each other in the hallway and we look like we were sooo high. We just see each other and start laughing so hard and everyone looks at us funny (nobody besides my close friends knew that we even talked). She tells me how she is so sleepy but she is so happy at the same time. I agree with her and we keep going towards our classes. So later that day we had class together and everything went as usual until IT happened... Jermaine AKA "The Player": After class, when we are going back to our normal lives lol, this guy Jermaine walks up to her and they start talking while walking down the hallway to go to lunch. I know he liked her and was trying to get with her because he would always go sit at her table at lunch and try to hit on her. Jermaine by the way is a good looking guy but he is a ho. Ruth did not know this but i did. I didn't tell her about him because i feel that bad mouthing anyone behind their back is weak and also i think that is very feminine of me to go and tell her bad things about him just because i think he is a threat. So anyways they are walking down the hallway chatting and go downstairs. When i finally get to lunch i see that she nor Jermaine are not there... I break down and start feeling nervous and thinking that i had lost to this scumbag. They both ditched school together (not really ditch, lunch was the last period and most of the times i leave but stayed on this day). So i dart and go home because my mind is racing and i feel so empty and helpless and like a complete loser. To be honest the feeling i had for about an hour is how i normally have felt for the past month and a half. So then i text her out of fear. I tell her that something bad has happened to me and i am about to explode. She tells me that she is almost home (i live across the street from the school and she lives about 12 blocks away) and will call me as soon as she gets there and that i can always talk to her about anything. I feel a lot better now... She calls and asks in a very concerned voice what happened. In panic i had to come up with something quick, i couldn't just tell her i was going crazy because she let school with Jermaine. So i say "My girlfriend is threatening me". I know guys that, that was weak but i just had to come up with something. So then she proceeds to say i deserve better and that she shouldn't do that and things like that and i somehow changed the subject to Jermaine and ask are they dating and her response made me so happy... She says that when she was sitting at her table that he would come over and tell her he has a crush on someone at the table. Ruth was the only girl at the table and so she knew that he meant her. She says she would say "I have a crush too" (later found out she meant me) and Jermaine would get happy. So then she said he started walking her home everyday after school trying to seduce her and he wouldn't take the hint that she just does not like him. So she said she just started to play along and have fun with his head since he didn't want to leave her alone. So now i know for sure that Jermaine is done and i dodged a bullet for waiting so long to pop the question. So obviously i couldn't ask her right there because i said i had a girlfriend so now i had to make another lie in order to say we broke up... Spring Break/Beginning Of The End Okay so over spring break we talk almost all day everyday. I tell her me and my "girlfriend" are done, but i still don't know i ruth is single or not and don't want to risk rejection. So her birthday is on march 29 she was turning 18 and i was 17 at the time. So march 26th rolled around, we are like best friends and we enjoy each other so much. So at around 3:00 PM we are talking and i knew that it was now or never to ask her to be my lady. Instead of asking her the simple "do you like me" or "do you have a man" lines, i decided that since i love her i would express my feelings to her. At this point i did not care whether i get rejected or not, i just had to tell her. So i begin to explain to her how i felt and that even if she has a boyfriend that i am comfortable enough in my life as it stood, to wait on her. I knew that i would never get enough of her and that she was the type of woman i can spend the rest of my life with and she would be worth the wait. Silence...She said nothing. Immediately she changes the subject and i feel as though she rejected my in the nicest way possible. My soul was crushed. I felt weak and thought i lost her. We continued to talk like nothing had happened but i felt uncomfortable. So then the next day she calls around the same time and we begin talking about our usual silly topics and she begins to open up to me. She tells me about how someone told her that this boy liked her and this is what she says...(hurts me to remember this, this is my first time reflecting on these words) "I know [boy] likes me, he is a cool guy and very nice but he won't speak up like a man and tell me how he feels, but it doesn't matter because i met someone that i am in love with, someone that i want to be with, and that someone is you Malik, i loved you from when i seen you on stage at the talent show" -I ask why she didn't say anything the day before when i had expressed my feelings. "I was so happy i didn't know what to say. I was just smiling as you were telling me and i just didn't know what to say. I was scared that this whole time you didn't like me and just wanted to be friends but when you told me that, i was just so happy". Now guys this is where i begin to actual tear up as i am typing this because this was quite possible the best day of my life and the best moment of my life is about to happen... As we are both taking in the fact that we are now together, i ask her what is she doing and she says she is laying in her bed looking at the ceiling with a big smile on her face. She asks me the same and i tell her that i am doing the same exact thing. What ensues is the greatest moment of my existence. We both lay on our beds looking at the ceiling while smiling, not saying a word just laughs and giggles. For 2 hours straight. We are just laughing in happiness. High off of love. I ask her does she feel it in her stomach, and she says "yeah, it is like a billion butterflies in my stomach". Me and her were so high off of love, we couldn't stop smiling and giggling for 2 hours straight. She tells me no boy has made her feel like this and i tell her the same. I knew that she was the woman i wanted to spend the rest of my life with at that moment, that moment i could have died, faced the lord and told him i am at peace with my life. That moment will always be in my heart. That moment is when i Gave her my heart... "We are the perfect couple, I don't see how we are ever going to fight"-Me "Yeah, this is going to be easy"-Ruth "When, ever we have a problem we just sing the SpongeBob theme song and its all good again lol"-Ruth ...How naive of us The Beginning Of The End 3 weeks pass and we are the most perfect couple ever, we are in love. We just were inseparable. She tells me that she never loved a boy before and that i am her first true love, i tell her the same. She is the first girl that sexual thoughts did not arise. I genuinely loved being around her and talking to her, i was just happy to see, hear or touch her. Then IT happened... One day in school my friend who actually was the one who told me her name, shows me her Instagram. He shows me a pic of her and it says, "hey Instagram, looking good for my sweetheart". He jokingly says " Uh Oh, your girl calling other dudes sweetheart". So i pay it no mind at the time because we were in the hallway trying to go to class and it just slipped my mind. So in our class that me and my buddies had together, they are all going through bad girl problems. So they tell their stories and then look at me and say " Haha, Malik is the only one without woman stress". I laugh but think in the back of my head "Stop Jinxing it" lol. Now mind you during the 3 weeks i would constantly call my friends at absurd times of the night, excited and hyped, telling them about how amazing Ruth was. So in their mind i was in a perfect relationship. Not for long... Actually in about 4 hours my relationship was about to begin to deteriorate... So after school me and the guys hang out at my place and are having a good time, no thoughts of the Instagram pics are going through my mind and everything to me was still "perfect". So after they leave, my curiosity got the best of me and i check on what my friend had shown me earlier. Mostly out of curiosity because i didn't really catch what he had said earlier. So when i look at the pic she says "looking good for my sweetheart" and she is all dressed up about to go somewhere. So then some guy replies "looking good" and she replies "thanks sweetheart". Now i know your thinking that if i get mad over this then i am immature, but let me tell you what else happened... I click the guys Instagram profile, and in the bio section he has *Ruth* but the stars being hearts...I instantly get pissed and think to myself "Already with this mess?" only 3 weeks in? So i call her and address her about it and she vehemently denies ever seeing this guy or knowing him personally. she says that early in the week when her uncle died, that she posted a status on facebook about it and the guy messaged her something to cheer her up and she called him a sweetheart for doing that. So that right there i have no problem accepting. But then i ask her why does he have *Ruth* on his bio and she basically says I dont know. So i begin to act like a sarcastic douche and say "So he is just a crazy guy who is obsessed with you?" and she says he must be. So i told her that there is no way a guy will put that as his bio unless you told him something that would make him put that there. I won't put i love someone on my bio unless there giving me a good reason to believe we are together so i know you had to tell him SOMETHING in order to put that there. Then she begins to threaten to hang up if i don't stop talking about it (red flag) and eventually offers to come over to talk about it. So she comes over and i open the door and she asks for a hug, i give her a very passive aggressive hug lol. She knew i was still heated. And she asks me "Wow your really going to act like this". and i just sit down and she sits next to me. We watch SpongeBob and instantly i knew that singing SpongeBob wasn't going to just fix issues in this relationship lol. So then on this day my father happens to visit and i introduce her and then my mom comes shortly after and i introduce her. My mom tells me to this day she didn't have a good vibe from her. i didn't care, i was dating her not my mom. So anyways she asks me to come back to her place and so i did. We go shopping for a necklass for her moms birthday and then go to her house. inside we are acting cool and her mom and little sister have no idea we are going through a bad time. Her mother loves me from the times i met her, just keep that in mind for later. So when her sis and mother go in their rooms we start discussing (i brung up) the Instagram incident and we begin arguing again (respectfully, not loudly) and i then i ask her 5 deadly words. Can-we-just-be-friends? She begins to cry and says no violently. she says "It's either this or nothing". Me personally i felt that it was too early to be going through this and it was signs of whats to come and i thought i we took an unofficial break to calm down, it would be the best. I did not explain it to her like that but i was just thinking it was too early to already be having infidelity issues pop up and if she wasn't sure that she wanted to be with me then i was going to give her that time to think about it. So then i tell her why i think she is lying and then IT happens... She begins to cry, but not in a "why wont you believe me?" way, but in a "Oh no, the gig is up and i just lost him because of this" way. She stared at the floor and started crying almost as if she knew it was over. I stared at her knowing i should of left her at that moment. I get up and head for the door. She gets up and storms towards me with the look of the devil in her eyes. As i was about to leave she almost says something but i turn around and come back. Maybe she wouldve showed her true colors by cursing at me and saying she doesn't need me, which would of justified my decision to leave her, i don't know what she was about to say but it didn't look nice. So when i turn around she stops before saying what she was about to say and i come back and sit down. I wasn't going to leave her. I couldn't just walk out when the one i cared for the most was crying her heart out. I knew that even if she did cheat i wasn't going to leave her that night. What can i say, i have a very soft heart. The End As we recovered and put that situation behind us, i'm in for another surprise. I regret this moment-this may have sparked the end of us... One day after school, we are sitting on my front stoop. She is on my lap. Normally i walk her home everyday but today i wanted to spend time with her. So i ask her to come upstairs with me. She says her mom needs her to come home. So in my head im thinking "Your 18, 1 hour won't hurt". She keeps telling me she has to go and eventually i persuade her through guilt to come upstairs. So upstairs we are ball room dancing and i'm spinning her around on my back and she gets a message from her mom saying come home NOW! She tells me she has to go and she goes home... 40 minutes later i get a call of her deeply crying. She says her mother doesn't want us to be together. She says it is because i am African American... I offer to end it because i did not want to get in between her and her mother and cause a rift in their relationship and be the one who has to live with the fact that i scarred a mother and her child relationship over me. She vehemently says no and says something that made me sure that she was mine forever. She says "Malik, I dont care what my mother thinks, she doesn't know anything about you and i do. Me and her were already torn apart, she is just jealous that i'm not sharing her misery. Your job is to love me, not my mother." I shed a tear when she told me that... So now things get a little weird. She goes to a jipsy lady and the lady tells Ruth that she will meet a man that's a lawyer and have 2 kids with him... I tell Ruth that as of right now i don't plan on being a lawyer so....*shrug* She says she knows but then starts talking crazy. She asks a whole bunch of "what ifs". what if she is right", "what if we aren't meant to be together forever". This right here should of told me to go while i still can... She says she will call me back and this is when things started to change. Now Ruth usually would call me everyday at around 4pm, 8pm and finally at 10:30pm. Her patterns started to change. Until she told me she had got a job and would call right before she went to sleep...cool. Then the talks of "Did we rush into things" started creeping up. more and more. I told her that even if we did, it is too late to harp back on that, we are here now and must keep moving forward together. she would always say "your right" and leave it at that. And then IT happens... She drops the bomb on me. At lunch time we sit together at our own little table and just stay hugged up. So sometimes i would hold her in my arms while having our heads on the table and we would just stare into each others eyes. But on this day, she would not stare in my eyes. She would just keep looking around. So in that moment i knew something terribly bad was imminent and i was bracing for impact. She looks at me and says "I Think we should break up, i'm serious this time though"... Now mind you, the day prior when i walked her home she got into the elevator to go up and before the doors closed she said she thinks we should break up. I looked back with a silly sad face and she starts laughing and says "i'm just playing, go home Malik". So anyways after she tells me she wants to break up, my intestines sunk to my feet. I was depleted. I tried to act calm and i asked "Why?". She said she didn't want to talk about it right now. So when i go upstairs i ditch my tutoring lesson and just go home because i was just emotionally attacked by the one i love. I go home and began pacing up and down for ten minutes. I text her and let her know that i at least want to say something before we break up (basically beg) and she replies in the most coldest way possible. "Okay, but there isn't much to talk about"... I felt like she didn't even care about my feelings anymore let alone being with me. That really stung when she wrote that. She comes upstairs and i sit on my living room table and she sits on the couch so we are face to face. i ask her what happened and she says it something that's wrong with her. Then i begin to beg. But not in pity but almost as if i was shaking her, trying to make her snap out of her trance. No matter what i said she would shoot it down. As if she said we are breaking up because 2+2=3 and i explain to her why it equals 4. She was just not trying to budge no matter how stupid her reasoning was, she was set in her ways. She leaves and tells me she is sorry her bull**** had to ruin our relationship... So now she in school she gives me back the necklace i made for her and kept the one i bought her (go figure) and just goes about the day acting friendly to me... So the next day i'm against the locker and she tries to hug me and i shake my head and i whisper to her "please, just keep walking". I later told her to not acknowledge me since it is simply not comfortable for me to be madly in love with you yet not be able to have you. She agreed. Then we went about 3 days no contact and when we were in our class that we shared together, the students would heckle us and ask why are we not sitting together. So i texted her to ask i she was okay and she said "yeah, i'm just giving you what you want". So i text her that i'm cool and i was just acting childish. So then i send a funny text to make her laugh and i ask her why did we break up anyways? And she said when the time comes she will tell me. So naturally i kept on prying and she just wouldn't tell me. So eventually she said her mom began to threaten my life so she feels it is best for me that she stops seeing me. So i know this is BS because when i met her mother, her mother loved me and i got no vibe of anything like what she was describing to me. And to make matters worse her mother speaks no english so i never could see if this was true or not. So then as a test, i said i was going to write a letter in spanish to show her mother that i am not a "hoodlum" or "crook" and that i am just a guy who deeply loves her daughter and just so happens to be African American. I told her the letter would be done in 3 days. 3 days past, then a week, then a month and until this day she has never mentioned that oh so important letter. If that letter was our last hope, why did she not emphasize that i get it done? Because the letter meant nothing to her. She would've just thrown it away and say her mother ripped it up and that she won't budge. This is when i knew her mother was not the reasoning behind this. So anyways i did the typical bonehead mistake of agreeing to be friends with her and we were like unofficial lovers now. When ever i would call her babe she would say "Don't call me that, we don't go out right now". But then every so often she would throw a i love you my way and i would be reassured she was coming back. Basically i let her monkey bar me. So now during prom she text me that she wasn't thrilled with seeing me go with someone else but it was fine. then she complemented me and my suit (white and pink and said she will talk to me later. this was june 12th. I responded with a smiley face and left it at that. So then i called her later and we talked and she said she wanted to see me "for the last time" before summer break. So she said she had to go to the school for testing and after she would stop by to see me, but instead on this day she calls me and we have a great convo, the first great one in about 1 month. I hang up thinking we are coming back together any day now... Then on June 20th, i go to the school to pick up my cap and gown for graduation and she calls me saying she has bad news. Her mom wants to move to Philly to get her away from me. BS guys, understand that she is currently still in NY and has full intentions to stay and go to college here. So i bypass the bs and we start having a normal conversation. So like she has been doing for the past month 1/2 she will try to abruptly end the convo for no reason at all. So normally i would give in to her excuse but this time i shot it down. She says "I have to go because my phone is dying". She is at home mind you. So i tell her to just get a charger and she says she can't find it . Then her sister who has taken a liken to me tells her to just use hers and i can tell she was disappointed. So then she gave me 2 more bs excuses until finally i just thought, "i know she is trying to get rid of me just let her go on her way". So she says she will call me later and hangs up. 11:00 PM: To my surprise she calls. She just called to tell me that she going to bed. But the thing is that this was the last time i ever heard her voice. And the ironic, sad and tragic thing about it... Our last words to each other were "I love You"-Ruth, "I love you too"-Me That saddens me till this day. So anyways 5 days pass and finally i just told her what i had been feeling was going on with her in a detailed text. I didn't call because it just snapped at around 2 AM and i didn't know i she was sleep or not. I send her the text which took me about 25 minutes to write and she messages me back soon after with a 3 line response. Basically agreeing to be friends and saying she couldn't talk right now because she is on the phone and that her little cousin was in the hospital. So i cheer her up and she then texts me she needs to get some sleep because her head is spinning and i reply "yes" which is the last time we ever communicated. The End The Depression: From June 25th until now i have been thinking about her everyday. On the bus ride on our senior trip, i just played sad music while looking out the window thinking of her. This time period has been the worst in my life. Depression, fatigue, suicidal thoughts creeping in... It has just been really bad. I think about her literally 24/7. I can't cope with the fact the the love of my life is now the woman of my dreams. My problem or gift is that i learned how to cherish her for her. I didn't compare her to other girls or value her in anyway. She was priceless to me. I didn't view things as better or worse. She was the only Ruth on earth and that made her special. There will never be another and there never was another Ruth. I told her that she is 1 in 7 billion and that in itself makes her invaluable. My friend deleted her number out of my phone, and she didn't contact me on my birthday which kind of stung me hard. I have spent the past month and a half in a complete stooper. I can't get any lower and my heart yearns for her. I don't want to go for the better girl, but the girl that makes me a better guy.I love her more and more everyday, and till this day i would still put my life on the line for her. Maybe i'm just getting a taste of what the world is like and what i am going to have to face on a regular basis. Thanks for reading this poor old teens early life crisis. God bless you all and i hope you guys find your lovers again and that no one ever, not even my worst enemies, have to go through this pain. Edited August 10, 2013 by PunchDrunkLove
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