defs Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Hey loveshack.. I have broken up with a gf not so long ago and ever since I have just started thinking. I'm in a bit of a confusion whether the past relationships and girlfriends I have had were actually because I liked them for who they were or because I subconsciously wanted to have sex with them. Like sure, I miss my ex but the only thing I can think about is the 'passion' we had I suppose, the sex and whatnot. Then I get thinking to why I actually supposedly went out with her in the first place. My past relationships have all been like that, I feel like I was only there to 'get in their pants'. How can I, for the future, find a girl that I can like for who they are? How can I truly be sure that I like someone for who they are?
KatZee Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 It means, if the person is slightly quirky, or nerdy... you still like them. It means that any short comings they may have, or things other people may not tolerate, you still accept them as it being a "part of who they are." It means accepting their interests, disinterests, and being more involved in them beyond the physical aspect. 3
Emilia Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 How can I, for the future, find a girl that I can like for who they are? How can I truly be sure that I like someone for who they are? The guy I'm currently seeing is very different from me in terms of lifestyle and not in a good way sometimes objectively (too much smoking for starters) but I really like his mind, he is very intelligent and funny. He also has a similar personlity to mine even though our day to day life is very different. We get on very well and it's not an issue for me to look past his habits because the overall package I find hugely enjoyable. 1
BradJacobs Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I'm in a bit of a confusion whether the past relationships and girlfriends I have had were actually because I liked them for who they were or because I subconsciously wanted to have sex with them. It's okay to want both so it doesn't have to be an either/or situation.
tooslowatlove Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 It's okay to want both so it doesn't have to be an either/or situation. I would think having both would be the ideal situation. 1
iKING Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 One day you wake up and realize your motivations in life weren't as pure as you had imagined. Happens to the best of us. The way to ensure you're going to like the person you're dating, is to interact with them in an organic setting, preferably a common interest, and develop some kind of a friendship with them. If you guys can spend time together without the option of banging, your odds of being able to tolerate each other on a regular basis will be significantly higher. 4
soccerrprp Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Hey loveshack.. I have broken up with a gf not so long ago and ever since I have just started thinking. I'm in a bit of a confusion whether the past relationships and girlfriends I have had were actually because I liked them for who they were or because I subconsciously wanted to have sex with them. Like sure, I miss my ex but the only thing I can think about is the 'passion' we had I suppose, the sex and whatnot. Then I get thinking to why I actually supposedly went out with her in the first place. My past relationships have all been like that, I feel like I was only there to 'get in their pants'. How can I, for the future, find a girl that I can like for who they are? How can I truly be sure that I like someone for who they are? defs, an honest and introspective question....well, don't have sex with them and spend a lot more time getting to know them. if there are doubts about your own motivations, this is what I suggest. many people are capable of wanting and requiring both intimacy of mind and body which is a plus, but you may just be in a point in your life that physical intimacy is more important. good luck. 1
white Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I don't say this often, because when most people say it it smacks of over privilege, but, it should come naturally. It really should. And if it doesn't, if the physical relationship is all you ever seek, think of, or remember, then there's definitely something off about your life you should work on. OK that's a bit rude perhaps. You need to develop some integrity in your relationships with women. Think of them like you would men, remove the sex aspect. Do you want to hang around with this person? Are they awesome to know? You wouldn't hang around with a guy if he was boring and dumb. You could give me a dozen legendary stories about your friends and the **** they've said and done down the years that would make me understand why they're your buddies. So cultivate the same standard of relationship with your girlfriends. What this means is time. You need to invest time into knowing them. Did you even like any of your buddies a week, month, two months after meeting them? Did you understand their humour? Know what upset them? No. Many relationships today spring from a frenzied dating lifestyle where everyone wants to **** quickly, for a variety of reasons, and that becomes the tone of the relationship. 1
Author defs Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Thanks guys for the advice, everything does make sense. I think the best for me is to not rush into another relationship anytime soon and like you all said take the time to actually get to know the girl
CrystalCastles Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 It means you like them despite their bad sides.
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