Kant Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 I broke up over a year ago, we were together for almost 4 years and I just hurt and yes I still love him. I've tried doing what all the books/mothers/friends have suggested to move forward. The biggest problem is not finding new people, i've been dating and going out "getting on with it", the biggest problem is just feeling 'attracted', I can't find chemistry with anyone even when they feel it. I also can't seem to get sexually excited about any of them. The problem is more then just one of frustration, its altered how I see my self. I have always seen my self as a very sexual and a sexually liberated woman I have always loved sex. I also just assumed if you bump the bits together you inevitably going to enjoy it, you find someone you get along well with and the sex just comes naturally. I'm was wrong. Its not that I don't want sex or gratification I just don't want it with any individual person. I feel almost asexual, for all the flirting and attention i've had I can't re-spark that feeling of really really wanting someone. Forget "I want to rip his shirt of with my teeth", I can't even get to "that could be fun". What is wrong and why can't I get passed this? I had an amazing sex life now the only thing that give me any satisfaction is 'alone time". I can't move on while this is the case - I don't 'need' a boyfriend, but sex was a wonderful enjoyable part of my life that I can no longer enjoy and its devastating.
JDPT Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) Your situation is very interesting and perhaps very similar to mine but coming from a man's perspective. I dated a woman for a little over 4 years. We started off as friends for 6 months and then realized that we had developed strong feelings for each other. The chemistry was beyond amazing we used to have sex anywhere and everywhere as if we were two high school kids. It was ridiculous at times as we used to take days off work just to be with each other to either have sex or go out and enjoy each other. I couldn't keep my hands off her and she felt the exact same, it was so flattering to read and hear the things she would say to me that will indicate that she was as sexually attractive to me as I was to her. Fast forwarding to now, roughly three months ago she dumped me. I went through feeling desperate and anxious, missing her day in and day out, and mostly missing the crazy sex I used to have with her. Thankfully with hard work all those feelings have diminished. Technically speaking, I've been single for three months and I just can't bring myself to start dating or feel attracted to another woman. I have taken my ex off the pedestal long ago and realized that she is not the only "gorgeous" or "perfect" woman on earth. However, there is something in me that just does not allow me to start talking to other women, date, or even have casual sex. I can only come to the conclusion that I'm still very hurt inside, needing more time to heal my wounds. I know in time this will eventually change as I was and will like to think still am very sexual and when in a relationship like to satisfy sexually the woman I'm with in every sense of the word. I guess I need more time and simply focus on enjoying my freedom and the many plans and projects that I'm currently working on. Ideally I will like to be single for a few years so that I may achieve all the goals I neglected while I was in the relationship with her. However, there are certain times when I get extremely lonely and would honestly take companionship from any female. I've learned from this experience not to abruptly jump into things and focus more on myself. I can't wait to feel that spark again when I meet someone down the line and feel sexually attracted to her. Edited August 10, 2013 by JDPT 1
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