Happy people do not cheat!..Really??

[jlola]

This video should really be listened to by everyone who think it is always BS that is the problem. Usually, the WS is the one who is the one with the issues. The one creating the unhappiness. Unfortunately, OW/OM only get a one sided view.

 

Double Lives of Narcissists - YouTube

[Woggle]

There is truth to that but it is not always the BS that makes them unhappy. Sometimes you can give them the sun, moon and stars and they will complain that you haven't given them Jupiter and Saturn.

[jlola]

There is truth to that but it is not always the BS that makes them unhappy. Sometimes you can give them the sun, moon and stars and they will complain that you haven't given them Jupiter and Saturn.

 

 

Absolute truth. In fact I have seen the one in the couple most likely to cheat is usually the entitled and selfish one. "I deserve whatever,for putting up with BS " is their motto. Meanwhile, they can never see the hell and unhappiness they may create for BS. They go about their affair oblivious and telling their AP how wonderful they are to their spouse and how unappreciative the spouse is.

 

I was being sarcastic. I know it s usually not the BS's fault for the unhappiness. But many people say WS has to be unhappy in marriage because of BS, otherwise they would not cheat. They are seeing the logic from their point of view and usually listening to what WS is saying.

 

If you really look into psychology,personality types and whatnots, you know that "happy people do not cheat" statement is false.

Edited August 10, 2013 by jlola

[jlola]

That's what I've seen mostly not that there are all these people who aren't willing to work on marriage. But all these people that are in marriages that they know just will not work and so they try to find a way out.

I understand sometimes two people get married and realize it was a mistake. People find a way out everyday. It is called divorce. But to think your only option out is an affair should be an alarm to look into self. To resolve something by causing pain and destruction does not seem a good solution.

 

I have said this before here. i met a woman who had 4 children by the time she was 25. She had little education and an abusive husband. she left with her children because even though he never abused them, she knew she should not

give them that sort of life. The part that got me was her saying "I still loved that man with all my heart when I walked out".

 

She worked 2-3 jobs at all times.

 

3 kids now have Master's degree's. Youngest just graduated from college. She walked when she needed to. She did not add excess pain, involved noone else. Did not show her children an example of a cheater. But rather a strong woman who had enough and took the high road.

[MissBee]

I can agree in a situation as clear cut as abuse. But in the grayerareas of life and in marriages where there are children involved I think people do the best that they can. In my boyfriend's situation he did walk and gave his ex wife the opportunity to walk when he started dating me. She didn't walk either so I guess they are both "weak" inyour opinion. In my opinion they both did the best that they could and that's good enough.

 

Well I suppose everyone's standard for what's "the best" differs.

[jlola]

In my boyfriend's situation he did walk and gave his ex wife the opportunity to walk when he started dating me. She didn't walk either so I guess they are both "weak" inyour opinion. In my opinion they both did the best that they could and that's good enough.

 

He shouldn't have been "dating" or having a "girlfriend" in the first place. He was married with children. If he wanted to date, he should have divorced BS first. Nice of him to give her the opportunity to walk, after he found the girlfriend. Why could he not walk out himself before? She had to be the one with the balls?

 

And PLEASE do not tell me it was because of the kids. My parents and every single one of the cheating folks I know use that sorry line. But you know what? If you are in an affair and you have a "girlfriend" chances are you are not spending that much time with the kids, physically and emotionally.

 

With custody the way it is these days, parents can share time with the children. Quality time.

 

One day the children will know their parent was a cheater. Children learn by example. Remember that. Far better to leave with integrity and have the children see you as one with character than to cheat. If your children are really what matters. Cheating brings shame,trust issues and insecurity to the kids also. They may not understand this now. But when they get in relationships, it will come out.

[iKING]

50% or so of the planet cheats. For some reason I doubt 50% of the planet is genuinely happy. If that's the case however, awesome. I don't believe the two correlate significantly, but having your spouse wanting to be in the relationship they're in definitely doesn't hurt.

[Silly_Girl]

This video should really be listened to by everyone who think it is always BS that is the problem. Usually, the WS is the one who is the one with the issues. The one creating the unhappiness. Unfortunately, OW/OM only get a one sided view.

 

 

You like to make out (regularly) that the BS gets the blame but in the threads, most of the time, the BS doesn't get the blame, the WS does.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

You like to make out (regularly) that the BS gets the blame but in the threads, most of the time, the BS doesn't get the blame, the WS does.

 

I also believe on this forum the blame is often given to the BS. Especially by OW who post. She's fat, she isn't interesting, she invests in the children, she doesn't groom her pubic hair....

 

It's always with the caveat that they aren't blaming the BS...but they are.

 

Affairs are because the WS uses an affair to deal with his/her issues, internal, external or marital. WS uses an affair instead of separating and divorcing if the only solution is to have external validation.

[jlola]

I also believe on this forum the blame is often given to the BS. Especially by OW who post. She's fat, she isn't interesting, she invests in the children, she doesn't groom her pubic hair....

 

It's always with the caveat that they aren't blaming the BS...but they are.

 

Affairs are because the WS uses an affair to deal with his/her issues, internal, external or marital. WS uses an affair instead of separating and divorcing if the only solution is to have external validation.

 

Society and OW often blame the BS since the WS is so vocal about what they are not getting that makes him cheat.Just as this video says. "BS is an alcoholic", "BS doesn't dress nice", "BS does not give them sex,affection,attention.....". 'BS is using them for a cushy life." "BS yells at them", 'BS is a "troll". "BS does not understand him, I do". "BS is crabby"."BS makes him unhappy" It goes on and on. To deny the OW and many do not try to look at the BS as reason for bad marriage is not truly seeing it realistically.

 

I once read a joke where a man tries to explain to a potential OW,why he cheats. "MY wife does not understand me", he says. The potential OW says "No, your wife understands you too well". .

[BradJacobs]

This video should really be listened to by everyone who think it is always BS that is the problem.

If they believe that is a universal truth then no YouTube video is going to help break down that wall.

 

Blame is shared by everyone involved, not owned solely by one person in the trio of BS, WS and OM/OW.

[Got it]

First I think it depends on how one defines happiness. That is going to be a very subjective opinion.

 

And one may say something contributed to how they felt on the road down the slippery slope but that doesn't mean they are saying they cheated because of x, y, and z. They cheated because they wanted to cheat. They cheated because at that time it was worth the collateral damage.

 

And who cares what people think. People think lots of things. I don't tend to agree with half of them. To each their own.

[man_in_the_box]

Unhappiness makes the barriers to cheat lower but in the end it comes down to the person involved. Cheaters will cheat, happy or not.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't know, I think in many/most cases, the only thing keeping people from cheating is lack of opportunity.

 

If your spouse or SO is the only person who would give you the time of day when you were single, it's not likely that you have a plethora of options for the purposes of cheating.

[man_in_the_box]

While I agree with that it still doesn't take away that cheaters are cheaters. There are also those with no options that wouldn't cheat even it they hypothetically have options. I would almost say its and inherit characteristic of a person but I'd like to be careful with such statements.

[hotpotato]

He shouldn't have been "dating" or having a "girlfriend" in the first place. He was married with children. If he wanted to date, he should have divorced BS first. Nice of him to give her the opportunity to walk, after he found the girlfriend. Why could he not walk out himself before? She had to be the one with the balls?

 

And PLEASE do not tell me it was because of the kids. My parents and every single one of the cheating folks I know use that sorry line. But you know what? If you are in an affair and you have a "girlfriend" chances are you are not spending that much time with the kids, physically and emotionally.

 

With custody the way it is these days, parents can share time with the children. Quality time.

 

One day the children will know their parent was a cheater. Children learn by example. Remember that. Far better to leave with integrity and have the children see you as one with character than to cheat. If your children are really what matters. Cheating brings shame,trust issues and insecurity to the kids also. They may not understand this now. But when they get in relationships, it will come out.

 

Exactly. Let's face it, if it wasn't kids, they'd be pulling out some other excuse.

 

People forget they are 1/2 the problem, especially entitled cheaters.

Part of the reason his marriage was crappy is because he is putting his energy is finding and socializing with new women.

 

Personally, I'd be wary of this type of person. If he will so easily jump from the wife to the girlfriend, he could easily jump to someone else. Or right back to the wife. Just from doing the read, people coming out of relationships should be thought of as someone in transition.

[jlola]

I think many here are not paying attention to the message which is about a personality type. narcissism and selfishness . Narcisssism and selfishness are relationship destroyers. This is the message. the message is watch out for these types as they tend to lay blame on everything but themselves.

 

They tend t put a microscope on the behavior of the spouse, meanwhile ignoring their own. They have the ability to lead a double life, lying to spouse day in and day out for years. But will lie to AP also, telling them the spouse will not let them go and s on. They keep the triangle going for as long as they can in order to get narcissistic supply.

 

Many people do not understand the depth of these personality types. Narcissism and narcissistic traits is becoming an epidemic . people do not see this. Personality disorders,narcissism and selfishness are not called relationship destroyers for no reason.

 

Some people refuse to see this. In the same way some refuse to see a school bully or thief or murderer or whoever must have reacted badly because the victim did something to make them angry . Does it really make sense to look at a victim and tell them "it takes two, you must have done something to provoke"?

 

In this age of science and a deeper understanding of human psyche and disorders we should strive to understand that some people do not need to be provoked. they are the perpetual entitled victim and always seek to have more. It is all about me! This is the culture we live in. "Who cares about my spouse,kids etc. As long as I can get my own on the side". I have the ability to dangle the carrot and keep both o the line for years. Both living half lives while I get al MY needs met."

 

For this person, people tend to try to find all sorts of excuses . #1 ,excuse, he was unhappy.

 

Ironically, many cheaters when caught will try to cling on to the exact person they claimed was making them unhappy in the first place. Claiming they are in it for the kids to mistress, meanwhile, snot crying at home trying to get spouse to take them back. Now they love the BS. How many times on this message board and others have you seen a cheater have remorse for the affair. Now asking advice on how to get BS back?

[jlola]

I know people who have children and hate when they lie. But one thing I hear from most parents is. HE/She lied, but they could not keep it up for too long and told on themselves. When He/She lies, they are unable to look at me, or stutter or stammer, so I know.

 

Parents will usually be very alarmed if the child can keep up a huge lie that is destructive to everyone around and go on as if noting is happening. We want to teach children to be honest, to have integrity. We do not blame children's friends for their bad actions. We try to make them accountable for their own behavior.So what is going on here? Why different set of rules for adults?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Happiness is difficult to gauge. It's usually not fluid and changes daily.

 

I've found that some of the most seemingly happy people I've ever met, upon digging deeper, are actually some of the saddest.

[tbf]

Didn't watch the clip so I'll address the thread title question instead.

 

Happy people do not cheat!..Really??

 

It's necessary to define what makes people happy, in order to answer the question.