edgygirl Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) So I met this guy online, late 30s, we've been talking daily for a week. He immediately stirred something in me because not only he is quite my type, super tall, he also seemed really really bright, interesting, with the same sense of humor as me. I feel super comfy talking with him. He lives in the West Coast and is moving back to the East Coast in the next few months. We plan to meet whenever possible but haven't made concrete plans yet but talked about one of us visiting each others city to meet. He's been divorced for a year. A couple of days ago we became friends on facebook, and I realized he's kind of famous, one of these valley wunder guys that the whole tech world knows about and people think is a genius. He has over 200K followers on fb, knows thousands of people etc. and there are zillions of articles and interviews with him online on main newspapers and magazines from the last 10 years. I was getting along incredibly well with him and suddenly I feel super insecure. Help! I don't even care if he is famous or is wealthy, I liked him when I thought he was a loser dating online, hehe. I know I should first wait to meet him to draw any conclusions, but since I found out I've been feeling less comfy talking with him. As I know a lot about him now, I find myself trying to say things he will think are interesting and I have a feeling I am not being myself. I keep thinking why would this guy be online dating? He must be introduced to millions of girls all the time. I went on 1 date with a semi celebrity in 2011 and it ended being sex only. But this guy seems different, he mentioned he finds sex-only thing boring, that he's looking for a gf/wife etc. So - how do I calm myself about thinking already that things will be doomed for him being famous and probably knowing millions of interesting people etc and thinking he will never be interested in me long-term? Ugh! I wouldn't want to screw things up by being pre-nervous about the whole thing, but I feel I already am. It's even occurring to me to end things before they start. I have this (not so) subconscious fear of abandonment and I am not sure I would like to be with someone famous and feel they will eventually leave me cause they have so many options. Edited August 10, 2013 by edgygirl
Speakingofwhich Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Try not to feel you must be entertaining or interesting to him. The thing most people want is someone to care about them. Their comfort in the little things. You know, "How was your flight?" "Have you been sleeping well?" etc. Be a good listener. One thing I have done is to say, "Wow, I really feel funny (intimidated, or whatever) saying this to someone like YOU with all you've accomplished blah blah blah!" Then maybe stay away from reading about him until you can begin to feel comfortable around him and can emotionally grasp that he's just an ordinary person. Remember that he isn't an expert in everything and that there are some things you'll be better at than he is! 2
Author edgygirl Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Thanks - great advice! I'll pin it here to remember. Mental note: "he can't possibly be good at EVERYTHING" Try not to feel you must be entertaining or interesting to him. The thing most people want is someone to care about them. Their comfort in the little things. You know, "How was your flight?" "Have you been sleeping well?" etc. Be a good listener. One thing I have done is to say, "Wow, I really feel funny (intimidated, or whatever) saying this to someone like YOU with all you've accomplished blah blah blah!" Then maybe stay away from reading about him until you can begin to feel comfortable around him and can emotionally grasp that he's just an ordinary person. Remember that he isn't an expert in everything and that there are some things you'll be better at than he is! 1
TheGuard13 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Often, famous people are the most insecure of all. How do you think they got the drive to be famous?
Weezy1973 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 As you yourself said, nothing means anything until after you meet. Meet, see if there's a spark, and if there is, then post to LS about how to proceed. At this point, continue thinking he's a "loser".
Author edgygirl Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 You guys are right. I'll try to calm down about it and just be myself again without going paranoid. As it hasn't been working for me even with regular joes lately, I wonder why would it work with someone who is knowingly bright and special (at least on the view of others). But maybe that's the thing - it takes some talent to see I'm interesting lol. I also need to stop stalking (althought he himself said he'd be doing that with me) - I just saw his ex looks similar to me. There are pics of their wedding online ughhh! And an article on how he proposed. Ughhh!
iKING Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Often, famous people are the most insecure of all. How do you think they got the drive to be famous? There's truth to that. Be yourself. Genuinely care about him. And try not to act different toward him now that you know. People who don't want to be treated different for their social status don't typically bring it up. Things will work out. He's still the same guy you've been talking to. 4
tbf Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Instead of feeling insecure about whether or not you will appeal to him, consider it from another angle. I had a short term relationship with an actor, prior to meeting my husband. While we had fantastic chemistry, where I could have fallen in love with him since he's such a great guy, his lifestyle bothered me. Not only would he only be living part of the year in Vancouver, he also lived part time in Cali. Add in all the time spent on set and doing P/R work for his movies where gossip mags would link him with many beautiful female actors and our lifestyles couldn't mesh. Even if I traveled with him, the potential for getting jealous was astronomical and frankly, I hated the thought of being part of the limelight, paparazzi included. Once his time expired in Vancouver, I wouldn't extend our relationship because of the above which really hurt him. But we remained friends and to this day, he's a friend of the family. He also agreed long afterwards that our lifestyles wouldn't have meshed and that the break up was a good idea. So, consider how your lifestyles might mesh (Does he go to a lot of high profile events and galas? Does he expect a girlfriend to hostess for events?). If you can see it working, then try to relax, enjoy and go for it. 1
sweetkiwi Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Don't be insecure just because he's famous. Silly reason. Be flattered he is interested in you. I found out I was dating a famous guy too. Super buff, gorgeous, major sweetheart. But he's just a person like I am. Poops, sleeps, wants something real just like me. I am not attracted to him however so I won't be seeing him again. If you want to date this guy don't let 200k facebook friends stand in your way. Or better yet, get out of your own way!!!! 3
Els Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 One thing I've realized about successful people (whichever metric of success you use - in this case, fame), is that IMO they have as much trouble finding compatible partners and true love, as anyone else does. I know a few people who are very, very successful, and yet are still looking for that special someone. All of the fans are just fluff, and many of them realize that; if not sooner, then later. Just be yourself and treat him as you would any other bf. 5
iKING Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 One thing I've realized about successful people (whichever metric of success you use - in this case, fame), is that IMO they have as much trouble finding compatible partners and true love, as anyone else does. I know a few people who are very, very successful, and yet are still looking for that special someone. All of the fans are just fluff, and many of them realize that; if not sooner, then later. Just be yourself and treat him as you would any other bf. Sometimes it can become even more difficult due to the renown. When approached under the premise of social status, it can be easy to instantly distrust the majority of people's intentions. 2
Author edgygirl Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 (edited) Thanks guys. I also realized, based on his statements, he an INTJ, I'm an ENFP. Not sure how to deal with introverts although I'm attracted to them. He mentioned somewhere online that girls might initially be interested in him but later they usually can't take how busy he is or so. This added to him being introverted and not "emotional" might be hard to take. Edited August 10, 2013 by edgygirl
Weezy1973 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Thanks guys. I also realized, based on his statements, he an INTJ, I'm an ENFP. Not sure how to deal with introverts although I'm attracted to them. He mentioned somewhere online that girls might initially be interested in him but later they usually can't take how busy he is or so. This added to him being introverted and not "emotional" might be hard to take. This is typical of people with abandonment issues. You're already trying to find reasons to reject him before he can reject you. I'm an INTJ and have had relationships with both introverted and extroverted women. It can work as long as there is a willingness to compromise and genuine empathy from both sides. 1
RedRobin Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Forget about the 200K followers. Maybe forget FB, Google, and all that for awhile. Continue getting to know him more organically.... phone, in person, emails, whatever. Just like any other person. 1
FitChick Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 He mentioned somewhere online that girls might initially be interested in him but later they usually can't take how busy he is I've dated famous and successful men and that is true for most of them. You have to be emotionally independent. Also, most of these men don't have to make an effort to meet women and if there are problems in the relationship will often bail because it's another "job" and they are already consumed by work. They get along best with other workaholics or, at the other extreme, women who are total doormats who put up with anything as long as they get the money and perks. Go out with him. You may find that you don't even like him. Then just have sex and put another notch in your bedpost! 1
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