HopingAgain Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 From time to time I think about the fact that I have never seen the OW in our scenario. My H had no pics of her, And he is not on social media so no way of seeing her there. I would search but he only knew her by first name (had only been a couple weeks) The only reason I care was to satisfy a curiousity. And because I hate the thought of ever running into her and us not even knowing who the other is! *shudder* Who else has never seen what OW looks like? Does it bother you?
screwedovertwenty Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I have one picture that she sent me. It took a month to get that. My WS only knew her first name too and he was with her for just under a year. She also informed him that was not even her real first name. It bothers the crap out of me. I would like to see her in person. I am a waitress and I have panic attacks at work when I see someone who looks similar and I wonder if it is her or not. It sucks. 2
Spark1111 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 satisfy the demons. find her! Figure it out. Want to see her? Go see her! Don't you think you have a right to satisfy this curiosity? You do! Your H can't keep the interloper secret from you. No secrets, remember? our imagination can be ten times worse than the reality. Why don't you know what she looks like? he does, AND he should be doing everything possible to satisfy your need to know, INCLUDING, most basically, WTH she looks like! 5
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Well, in my situation, I'm fairly certainv he didn't know her last name yet. They'd only seenv eachother in person a few times and mostly talked texted other than that. I caughtv them right as the affair was getting off of the ground. She has since moved but STILL. Its unsettling. My husband gave me her number and address so I don't think he'd withhold her last name if he knew it after all that. I did reverse search her cell and address and even did Intellius search but she lived with her mom so only her moms name came back and nothing on the cell search WH did describe her physical appearance to me, but of course that is so vague.
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 I have one picture that she sent me. It took a month to get that. My WS only knew her first name too and he was with her for just under a year. She also informed him that was not even her real first name. It bothers the crap out of me. I would like to see her in person. I am a waitress and I have panic attacks at work when I see someone who looks similar and I wonder if it is her or not. It sucks. It does suck. I'm sorry you've had to experience that!
So happy together Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 satisfy the demons. find her! Figure it out. Want to see her? Go see her! Don't you think you have a right to satisfy this curiosity? You do! Your H can't keep the interloper secret from you. No secrets, remember? our imagination can be ten times worse than the reality. Why don't you know what she looks like? he does, AND he should be doing everything possible to satisfy your need to know, INCLUDING, most basically, WTH she looks like! Wow. Really? 1
Spark1111 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Wow. Really? sure, really. of course, really. You are screwing MY HUSBAND? You BET I want to know what you look like, in addition to who you are and where you live, and where you work and who your friends are. THAT is NORMAL human nature on the planet EARTH. Where do you reside? Curiosity about the OW/OM is what makes us human. You are a very real part of our reality, the one kept secret from us. OF COURSE we want to know your identity.....and your looks. 5
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Google her phone number and email address
JourneyLady Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 From time to time I think about the fact that I have never seen the OW in our scenario. My H had no pics of her, And he is not on social media so no way of seeing her there. I would search but he only knew her by first name (had only been a couple weeks) The only reason I care was to satisfy a curiousity. And because I hate the thought of ever running into her and us not even knowing who the other is! *shudder* Who else has never seen what OW looks like? Does it bother you? In person, I never did. So I ended up stalking them online for a bit (they got married) because I lived in the same town and couldn't stand the thought of running into her somewhere and not knowing who she was. Eventually they posted photos so now I know what she looks like. She's not that far off from me - somewhat shorter - same color hair and general kind of a look. But she's got a little pug nose that some would call cute, I suppose. But it was hard being in that town where they were even though I have healed pretty well from the whole shebang. So I moved; for that and other reasons. 1
JourneyLady Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Forgot to mention: while I was still married and before the divorce, my daughter looked someone up that she thought was her and went for a visit at 2am thinking she had the right person. Especially since the other girl was about the right age and texting someone on her cellphone with the front door open on a warm night. Turned out someone with the same name, but not the right girl. Gave her a verbal chewing out.... Then later we figured out it was the wrong person.
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 satisfy the demons. find her! Figure it out. Want to see her? Go see her! Don't you think you have a right to satisfy this curiosity? You do! Your H can't keep the interloper secret from you. No secrets, remember? our imagination can be ten times worse than the reality. Why don't you know what she looks like? he does, AND he should be doing everything possible to satisfy your need to know, INCLUDING, most basically, WTH she looks like! I definitely have a right to satisfy the curiousity. But, unfortunately there are a lot of barriers in place that would require more time and energy on her than I'm sure I want to invest. I did try a (paid) Intellius search that brought up nothing, they refunded me my money. I know where she lived, I guess I could have shown up at her house after Dday but I was too angry and trying to figure out what I wanted from my husband although I did call her. Of course we had the conversation about what she looked like, but it kind of took a back seat to me because I wanted more pressing details like how he felt about her, and most of the usual questions. I know her age and that she was fairly attractive, but the most bothersome thing like you said is my imagination in not knowing how to identify her by sight I guess. Now that she's gone, it seems the ship has kind of sailed from all the info I have.
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Google her phone number and email address I don't have any social media info on her. Otherwise, it would have been a piece of cake for me to find her as I'm very internet saavy. My husband stays "off the grid" and his occupation does not require any internet use, they didn't communicate that way so no email address. He barely texts so the most I had was cell #, address where she was staying, and first name.
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Forgot to mention: while I was still married and before the divorce, my daughter looked someone up that she thought was her and went for a visit at 2am thinking she had the right person. Especially since the other girl was about the right age and texting someone on her cellphone with the front door open on a warm night. Turned out someone with the same name, but not the right girl. Gave her a verbal chewing out.... Then later we figured out it was the wrong person. See, and this is another issue. The OW changed her number soon after Dday, so even if I had some leads there it could have been a wrong person. But I do know alot that could have identified her if I had really gone the whole mile initially. I could probably even now go to where she resided but it seems that would do more harm than good at this point since she's moved out of state, and its months and months later.
Journee Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Wanna know something I feel is strange and maddening? I met OW on DDay. I was in her presence and sitting right next to her. I don't feel confident I would recognize her out in public if I see her again. It was about 4 in the morning when we met and she would not look me in the face. She was average and has faded into this basic look I see a lot in our area. Bad wig and all. H and I bump into someone from his job almost on a daily basis. Three people at the grocery store today alone. I have no doubt that we will see her again. We live near one another and our children are close in age. I often wonder if I will even realize it. I wonder why she doesn't stand out to me in my memory. Is it my brain's way of keeping me sane? I even sat in her car. I have no idea what kind of car it is. It's black and that's about all I could tell ya. I still feel anxiety when we do run into someone. Strange. Then the anger for my H comes back and I want to end it all with him then and there. How dare he put us in this position. Then I remember ,I can take myself out of the clusterfrack anytime I feel I can't handle it anymore. You have that power too. ((( hugs))) I hope that you find the answers you need to heal. I was so curious to meet her and was physically ill upon hearing her voice on his voicemail. When we met ,I wasn't impressed. As a PP mentioned , your mind will build her up to great proportion. There seems to be great curiosity about the MP's BS and OW. What they look like and all. It is a very strong urge to know at times.
findingnemo Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Doesn't know her last name? That's really really odd, IMO. I think you should know what she looks like. As BW I kept wanting to see pictures of the OWs. I think it's only natural. I would also hate to bump into someone and be friendly without knowing they were the OW. It's like being hoodwinked all over again. 3
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Wanna know something I feel is strange and maddening? I met OW on DDay. I was in her presence and sitting right next to her. I don't feel confident I would recognize her out in public if I see her again. It was about 4 in the morning when we met and she would not look me in the face. She was average and has faded into this basic look I see a lot in our area. Bad wig and all. H and I bump into someone from his job almost on a daily basis. Three people at the grocery store today alone. I have no doubt that we will see her again. We live near one another and our children are close in age. I often wonder if I will even realize it. I wonder why she doesn't stand out to me in my memory. Is it my brain's way of keeping me sane? I even sat in her car. I have no idea what kind of car it is. It's black and that's about all I could tell ya. I still feel anxiety when we do run into someone. Strange. Then the anger for my H comes back and I want to end it all with him then and there. How dare he put us in this position. Then I remember ,I can take myself out of the clusterfrack anytime I feel I can't handle it anymore. You have that power too. ((( hugs))) I hope that you find the answers you need to heal. I was so curious to meet her and was physically ill upon hearing her voice on his voicemail. When we met ,I wasn't impressed. As a PP mentioned , your mind will build her up to great proportion. There seems to be great c uriosity about the MP's BS and OW. What they look like and all. It is a very strong urge to know at times. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. Its likely you were in shock and that's probably why your memory of her is fuzzy now. The funny thing for me is, even thi though I've never seen her I don't really build her up in my mind. If she was Miss America it would not even bother me all that much or if she looks like a troll. Lol. My maun concern would be the bumping into unaware thing. I may resume some digging but I also don't want to waste energy I'm investing into myself and trying to reconcile my marriage on this either. It may be a case of wanting to let sleeping dogs lie overcoming my curiousity.
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Doesn't know her last name? That's really really odd, IMO. I think you should know what she looks like. As BW I kept wanting to see pictures of the OWs. I think it's only natural. I would also hate to bump into someone and be friendly without knowing they were the OW. It's like being hoodwinked all over again. It is odd, but then the whole environment they were in was full of oddities. Lol. They met at his coworkers cousins house, which may as well be a bar in Amsterdam because all they do over there is drink and smoke weed. A lot of people hang out there casually and even use nicknames so knowing someone there on a first name only basis is not unusua I might start looking again and question WH for any more details that would help me to find her online.
findingnemo Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 It is odd, but then the whole environment they were in was full of oddities. Lol. They met at his coworkers cousins house, which may as well be a bar in Amsterdam because all they do over there is drink and smoke weed. A lot of people hang out there casually and even use nicknames so knowing someone there on a first name only basis is not unusua I might start looking again and question WH for any more details that would help me to find her online. Yes, I think you need to try and get more details. I know that smoking weed can make you forget some things but if he saw her more than one time then surely he knew her last name. What kind of woman sees a man who doesn't know her last name? 1
So happy together Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 sure, really. of course, really. You are screwing MY HUSBAND? You BET I want to know what you look like, in addition to who you are and where you live, and where you work and who your friends are. THAT is NORMAL human nature on the planet EARTH. Where do you reside? Curiosity about the OW/OM is what makes us human. You are a very real part of our reality, the one kept secret from us. OF COURSE we want to know your identity.....and your looks. Funny, if it was the OW saying these things, we'd be considered stalkers.
sweet_pea Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Funny, if it was the OW saying these things, we'd be considered stalkers. First of all, we aren't talking about if an OW was saying these things... we're talking about the BS. Completely different. Second, in most cases, the OW already KNOWS who the BS is, where they live, what they look like, where they work (as exhibited by the threads on the OW "side." They already have "one up" on the BS by knowing about the affair, so once again, it's completely different than the BS wanting to know who has been in an affair with their SO, since they didn't already. Thirdly, I don't know that it'd be considered stalking unless it was repetitive. 4
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 Yes, I think you need to try and get more details. I know that smoking weed can make you forget some things but if he saw her more than one time then surely he knew her last name. What kind of woman sees a man who doesn't know her last name? Yes, whenever he'd come home from there and his coworker dropped him off he'd be extremely inebriated. He had seen her 3 times over there before they were caught (found that out from the overheard convo on Dday) I don't want to say what type of woman I think she was....but sufficient to say its very plausible from the convo I overheard between them that he didn't know her last name yet. I guess too one of the main reasons I do believe that's probably true is that I knew nothing about her at first and he did give me her # and address so he knew I couldb contact and find her so why would he withhold her last name if he did know it in light of giving me info that allowed me to communicate with her directly?
So happy together Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 First of all, we aren't talking about if an OW was saying these things... we're talking about the BS. Completely different. Second, in most cases, the OW already KNOWS who the BS is, where they live, what they look like, where they work (as exhibited by the threads on the OW "side." They already have "one up" on the BS by knowing about the affair, so once again, it's completely different than the BS wanting to know who has been in an affair with their SO, since they didn't already. Thirdly, I don't know that it'd be considered stalking unless it was repetitive. Hm. All interesting points. And then we read threads of BS's stalking fb pages... so there's that.
Author HopingAgain Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 First of all, we aren't talking about if an OW was saying these things... we're talking about the BS. Completely different. Second, in most cases, the OW already KNOWS who the BS is, where they live, what they look like, where they work (as exhibited by the threads on the OW "side." They already have "one up" on the BS by knowing about the affair, so once again, it's completely different than the BS wanting to know who has been in an affair with their SO, since they didn't already. Thirdly, I don't know that it'd be considered stalking unless it was repetitive. I do wonder if it'd be stalkerish to show up at her mothers house 7 months later. Can you imagine how that convo would go? Oh boy...
sweet_pea Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Hm. All interesting points. And then we read threads of BS's stalking fb pages... so there's that. Yes, there is that... and you are certainly welcome to make a thread about it. I don't believe we are talking about stalking on THIS thread, however. ... Don't want to thread jack any further, sorry Hoping!
So happy together Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Yes, there is that... and you are certainly welcome to make a thread about it. I don't believe we are talking about stalking on THIS thread, however. ... Don't want to thread jack any further, sorry Hoping! And have all the hens peck at me? Lol! No thanks. My apologies as well, OP.
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