Author MrTurk Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 I didn't read your other thread. Is it that you're non-religious or is it that you're disrespectful of faith? You'll find that there are plenty of moderates that don't care, as long as you're respectful of differences. The fundies of religion and non-belief, will get rejected more often than moderates. I am an atheist by definition....which means believing their are no gods, higher powers, beings, etc. But I am not the typical idiot atheist that most people have come to know. I'm not aggressive nor do I really care what others believe. But if someone brings it up, or debates me on it...I will respond with my views. If I simply stated "I'm not really sure what I believe...to each their own" that would be widely accepted vs me simply saying I'm atheist. .
Suave Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I'm 5'9 I've shaved my head before and it didn't affect my love life I don't have kids I don't have a college degree I don't have strong religious views None of this has gotten in the way of me dating. You quite clearly have a full head of hair, which would be obvious even when your head is shaved. A hairline doesn't disappear just because it's been shaved off. The OP is describing actual baldness, in which you can still see the horseshoe outline despite being shaved to the skin. This is what is percived as being a negative trait, even though the host has little control over the situation. It just doesn't look good on most people, plain and simple. The majority of women who say they like shaved heads are picturing men who shave it off to be sleek and stylish, not because they are forced to out of genetic shortcomings. 3
xxoo Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Apparently, it's important to a lot of people if these guys are getting a lot of rejection for that reason. This is sort of the crux of the issue. I contend that, if these same women met a man IRL and felt a connection and an attraction, suddenly this list of "deal breakers" would not matter at all. They'll probably end up with a man who has these "faults", but won't care because she loves him. 1
bentleychic Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 You quite clearly have a full head of hair, which would be obvious even when your head is shaved. A hairline doesn't disappear just because it's been shaved off. The OP is describing actual baldness, in which you can still see the horseshoe outline despite being shaved to the skin. This is what is percived as being a negative trait, even though the host has little control over the situation. It just doesn't look good on most people, plain and simple. The majority of women who say they like shaved heads are picturing men who shave it off to be sleek and stylish, not because they are forced to out of genetic shortcomings. Naw, my guy shaves his head every day and if he didn't, he'd have the horseshoe baldness. He shaves every morning and it's perfection. NO problem and it's most definitely NOT a shortcoming. 2
Author MrTurk Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Naw, my guy shaves his head every day and if he didn't, he'd have the horseshoe baldness. He shaves every morning and it's perfection. NO problem and it's most definitely NOT a shortcoming. Yes I shave my dome....sorry if I caused a mixup. I did say bald but I meant shaved. I failed to separate the two. It is bald though after I shave it Getting kinda tired of it though...been doing it over 10yrs now. Sometimes I slump and only do it like every 3-4 days.
KungFuJoe Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 A bald guy, that is 5'8, no degree, non-religious, with no kids. Op, If all you got is bald, 5'8", no degree and atheist...well...I'm sorry, I got no sympathy for you. That's NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. The only thing holding you back is your attitude. Everyone has their good and bad qualities. No one is perfect. But you choose to obsess over your presumed bad qualities instead of focusing on your good qualities and putting them forward. 4
Author MrTurk Posted August 12, 2013 Author Posted August 12, 2013 Op, If all you got is bald, 5'8", no degree and atheist...well...I'm sorry, I got no sympathy for you. That's NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. The only thing holding you back is your attitude. Everyone has their good and bad qualities. No one is perfect. But you choose to obsess over your presumed bad qualities instead of focusing on your good qualities and putting them forward. If you took time to actually pay attention to what I wrote....and understood the context....you would realize I'm not obsessing over it. How many times have I said in this thread that I dont see it as a problem....10 ?? I simply stated those 5 traits keep coming up...and those 5 traits keep coming out of the mouths of the single women in my area.....as excuses why they wont date me. Stop acting like a news agency, picking apart small phrases just to fit your agenda . 2
KathyM Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 If a couple of guys are getting rejected for a lot of same, it's time to stop targeting fundies. Apparently, many atheists or non-religious folks are finding that this is the case on dating websites: many women stating a preference or even a requirement that the men who contact them be of the same faith. It's not just fundamentalists. Most people do want the person they have a relationship with to share their world view/their faith. Since most people on dating websites are looking for an actual relationship, shared beliefs and shared interests are important to them. Here is a thread from POF started by a guy who has been experiencing this same problem: an atheist that is being rejected by Christian women because he does not share their faith. Women only seeking Christian men Free Dating, Singles and Personals
tbf Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 an atheist that is being rejected by Christian women because he does not share their faith. Women only seeking Christian men Free Dating, Singles and PersonalsSo now you have three Internet males who are having issues. This isn't the 95% stat that you tried to imply was the amount that required same faith. 1
KathyM Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 So now you have three Internet males who are having issues. This isn't the 95% stat that you tried to imply was the amount that required same faith. I stated that 95%+ had faith/belief in a higher power (in U.S. culture). I stated that people have a preference for those who share their own faith, and often state it in their dating profiles, as the link I posted showed from a man who is online dating on POF and has seen many profiles. I didn't state that 95% of online daters are requiring same-faith responders. I would have to research all the online dating profiles to determine what percentage are requiring or have a preference for same faith responders. I would not have time for such research, but I'll take the word of these few men who have complained about it that this is the case--many women on OLD not giving them the chance because of their difference in beliefs. 1
tbf Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 When people are looking for a relationship, they are usually wanting someone who is compatible with their faith. Hence, why the OP is facing some rejection on those grounds from women who have a faith. 95%+ of people in the U.S. believe in a higher power. I stated that 95%+ had faith/belief in a higher power (in U.S. culture). I stated that people have a preference for those who share their own faith, and often state it in their dating profiles, as the link I posted showed from a man who is online dating on POF and has seen many profiles. I didn't state that 95% of online daters are requiring same-faith responders. I would have to research all the online dating profiles to determine what percentage are requiring or have a preference for same faith responders. I would not have time for such research, but I'll take the word of these few men who have complained about it that this is the case--many women on OLD not giving them the chance because of their difference in beliefs.The above post infers that 95% of individuals may require same faith. While I believe that three men on the Internet have issues with this, I don't believe that the majority of non-believers have the same issues which then negates your attempted inference. 1
iKING Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 Sharing the same faith is important to the majority who are looking for a long term relationship. Apparently, the fact that the OP is an atheist was a dealbreaker for many/most women he encountered, hence one of the reasons he started this thread. There was another male poster on LS just recently who complained of the same thing--women rejecting him because he was an atheist and they were a theist. My point is it is important to many people who are looking for a long term relationship, and it will be a dealbreaker for many women if the guy is an atheist. For a majority, I sure haven't met many of them. Luckily our society has grown to be far less judgmental. Kind of like what Jesus preached with "Judge Not", with a twist. Fun stuff. 2
KungFuJoe Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 If you took time to actually pay attention to what I wrote....and understood the context....you would realize I'm not obsessing over it. How many times have I said in this thread that I dont see it as a problem....10 ?? I simply stated those 5 traits keep coming up...and those 5 traits keep coming out of the mouths of the single women in my area.....as excuses why they wont date me. Stop acting like a news agency, picking apart small phrases just to fit your agenda . You start a thread titled "Too many unattractive traits" and I'M the one picking apart small phrases? You couldn't be more obvious about your agenda. You're not here looking for advice. You just want pity. 2
KathyM Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 The above post infers that 95% of individuals may require same faith. While I believe that three men on the Internet have issues with this, I don't believe that the majority of non-believers have the same issues which then negates your attempted inference. If you want to talk about inferences, rather than what I stated, I can infer that, since the vast majority of the population in the U.S. (95%+) believe in a higher power, and most people who are looking for a relationship want someone who has shared values/interests/beliefs than they do, I can infer that shared faith will be an important factor to many people who are doing OLD or any other type of dating where the person is seeking an actual relationship. Whether that figure is 95% of online daters wanting someone with shared faith/beliefs or some other figure, neither you nor I know, since neither has done the research to know. I'm inferring it's a large number, since 95%+ are theists, and most people looking for a relationship partner want someone who shares their beliefs/interests. 1
KathyM Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 For a majority, I sure haven't met many of them. Luckily our society has grown to be far less judgmental. Kind of like what Jesus preached with "Judge Not", with a twist. Fun stuff. Why is it judgemental to want someone who shares your faith/beliefs/interests? It's not. It's wanting someone who the person believes will be the most compatible with them. And actually, the Bible teaches that Christians are not supposed to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. People make judgements all the time about who they want to date and what their preferences are. People have a right to decide who they want to date, and to want someone who shares their faith/world view. If you want to call that judgmental, to want someone who shares your faith/world view, then I guess there's quite a few people who are judgmental and make judgements about who they will and will not date, and what criteria they are looking for in a dating partner. 1
tbf Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 If you want to talk about inferences, rather than what I stated, I can infer that, since the vast majority of the population in the U.S. (95%+) believe in a higher power, and most people who are looking for a relationship want someone who has shared values/interests/beliefs than they do, I can infer that shared faith will be an important factor to many people who are doing OLD or any other type of dating where the person is seeking an actual relationship. Whether that figure is 95% of online daters wanting someone with shared faith/beliefs or some other figure, neither you nor I know, since neither has done the research to know. I'm inferring it's a large number, since 95%+ are theists, and most people looking for a relationship partner want someone who shares their beliefs/interests.I'm well aware of where you were going with your post which is why I challenged it. Theists want to create this pretend world where theism is of utmost importance and yet, why are there so many cross religion, theism/atheist, theism/agnostic dating, relationships and marriages? My b/s radar is going off so harshly, it's not funny. 2
iKING Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Why is it judgemental to want someone who shares your faith/beliefs/interests? It's not. It's wanting someone who the person believes will be the most compatible with them. And actually, the Bible teaches that Christians are not supposed to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. People make judgements all the time about who they want to date and what their preferences are. People have a right to decide who they want to date, and to want someone who shares their faith/world view. If you want to call that judgmental, to want someone who shares your faith/world view, then I guess there's quite a few people who are judgmental and make judgements about who they will and will not date, and what criteria they are looking for in a dating partner. You can want whatever you'd like, however, excluding someone from your social graces due to them not sharing the same exact opinion as you on a topic that no one has any real verifiable answers to is not only judgmental, It's ridiculous. I doubt there's a single 100% non judgmental person on the planet, just because others do something, doesn't necessarily make it fair or acceptable. I judge, you judge, we all judge. The key to the point I was making, is practice what you preach. If you follow Jesus, you follow the belief of treating people equally. His people were the sinners. The holy had no need for him. Jesus was a Jew, and so were his close friends, Christianity wasn't established until a later point in time when the first church decided which of the many many interpretations of Jesus's story would make it into the bible. Which was later re-made by a Pagan ruler named Costantine. In fact, the only records of Jesus's life that aren't the bible, are brief notes made about him as a "trouble maker" (which, is something I like ) by a Roman scribe. 1
hotpotato Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Do any of you actually read and pay attention to what I have said on here...or other OP's say on their threads?? Have I stated anywhere that I'm the one not giving women the opportunity????? Women are dismissing me before they even get out of bed. The women I have encountered dont give a sh*t if my attitude is good or bad.....once they realize I have a trait they dont like....the deal is over for them. Period. How do you give someone an opportunity to get to know you when they are the one shutting the door ??? Please explain that to me. Or when people tell me..."oh you just need to be more positive". If a woman is dead set on never dating bald guys.....it doesnt matter how positive and happy I am....she doesnt like bald and thats that. I'm never going to date a reborn christian. So thats the same as you telling a reborn christian...."oh you just need to be more positive and that will help your chances with him" No! its not going to help...ever! Ok, then keep doing what you are doing. See how successful you are... People can smell your negative attitude no matter how much you think you are hiding it.
Star Gazer Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 As do Samuel L. Jackson and Patrick Stewart. Add Cory Booker to the list.
KathyM Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm well aware of where you were going with your post which is why I challenged it. Theists want to create this pretend world where theism is of utmost importance and yet, why are there so many cross religion, theism/atheist, theism/agnostic dating, relationships and marriages? My b/s radar is going off so harshly, it's not funny. With 95%+ of the population being theists, that doesn't leave much room for theist/atheist or theist/agnostic relationships, but I'm not saying there are none. Obviously, there are, it's just rare. Most people prefer others who they feel are compatible with them, in terms of interests/world view/spirituality. If you want to call that BS and that that is not the case, I really don't know what else to add to this conversation. Obviously, the OP has experienced that women on the dating sites are rejecting him because of this preference. I don't think this debate of whether or not women are rejecting men for religious differences is helpful to him, since he is saying that they are. I would suggest the OP try some dating sites that are specifically for atheists, where he will find like-minded people who share his beliefs. There are a few of those sites out there, and he would not be experiencing rejection based on religious/spiritual beliefs. As far as his height, that will not be a dealbreaker for many women, since he is at least the same height or taller than most women. As far as dealing with women rejecting him for lack of marriage/parenting experience, nothing you can do about that. It is what it is. Make sure your profile is family friendly, and that you put that you would be interested in kids or step kids. A college degree isn't necessary if you have a good job, but you may want to consider going to college to further your education and your career. Women are attracted to intelligent men with good jobs. Not saying it's necessary, but I think any way you can improve yourself is a good thing. The hair is something you can do something about if you really wanted to. Some women are attracted to bald men, some not. I think bald looks good on some men, but not most. The guy who I worked with was very pleased with his results and he looked very nice. Just a suggestion, if this has been a dealbreaker for a lot of women. To tell you to do nothing differently when you've experienced what women are perceiving as dealbreakers is not helpful IMO. You may also consider meeting women in other venues rather than OLD. With OLD, it's too easy to reject someone based on one dealbreaker, whereas if they get to know you first in another venue, what was originally a dealbreaker may seem less important to them because you have an opportunity to show them in person what your strong points are. That would be my suggestion.
KathyM Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 You can want whatever you'd like, however, excluding someone from your social graces due to them not sharing the same exact opinion as you on a topic that no one has any real verifiable answers to is not only judgmental, It's ridiculous. I doubt there's a single 100% non judgmental person on the planet, just because others do something, doesn't necessarily make it fair or acceptable. I judge, you judge, we all judge. The key to the point I was making, is practice what you preach. If you follow Jesus, you follow the belief of treating people equally. His people were the sinners. The holy had no need for him. Jesus was a Jew, and so were his close friends, Christianity wasn't established until a later point in time when the first church decided which of the many many interpretations of Jesus's story would make it into the bible. Which was later re-made by a Pagan ruler named Costantine. In fact, the only records of Jesus's life that aren't the bible, are brief notes made about him as a "trouble maker" (which, is something I like ) by a Roman scribe. Choosing to date someone who shares your faith, or shares your interests/world view results in more compatible relationships. That's a fact. And people have a right to choose who they believe are most compatible with them. If you are suggesting that nobody should have any criteria as to whom they date, that's just a ridiculous concept. Everybody looking for an actual relationship has some type of screening process. Everyone is judgmental when it comes to whom they date. Even you. Is it any wonder why theists are not interested in dating atheists when you have no respect for their beliefs?
tbf Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 With 95%+ of the population being theistsFirstly, this stat is false so your opening premise is based on a falsehood. According to pew, less than 85% are theists of which non-theism is the most rapidly growing sector, as compared to theist sectors, where of the theists sectors, less than 45% are practicing theists. There are plenty of inter-faith dating, relationships and marriages.
KathyM Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Firstly, this stat is false so your opening premise is based on a falsehood. According to pew, less than 85% are theists of which non-theism is the most rapidly growing sector, as compared to theist sectors, where of the theists sectors, less than 45% are practicing theists. There are plenty of inter-faith dating, relationships and marriages. The latest Gallup Poll shows 92% believe in God. Down just slightly from 70 years ago, where the percentage of believers was 96%. Most sources quote 95% as the figure for believers, from what I've seen. More Than 9 in 10 Americans Continue to Believe in God I'm not referring to inter-faith marriages in general as being rare. I'm talking specifically about theist and atheist marriages as being not very common.
hppr Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 OLD is where love goes to die. TRUTH Can't stress this enough. And I'm a guy who figured out how to do really well online too. Unless you want to pound crazies/uglies it is a horrible way to meet girls.
iKING Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 Choosing to date someone who shares your faith, or shares your interests/world view results in more compatible relationships. That's a fact. And people have a right to choose who they believe are most compatible with them. If you are suggesting that nobody should have any criteria as to whom they date, that's just a ridiculous concept. Everybody looking for an actual relationship has some type of screening process. Everyone is judgmental when it comes to whom they date. Even you. Is it any wonder why theists are not interested in dating atheists when you have no respect for their beliefs? People have a right to do whatever they please, that is not my concern, and yes, it is wise to share common interests with your SO. I am not suggesting people do anything beyond avoiding automatically excluding someone based entirely on the fact that they don't agree with you on a matter of opinion such as religion. It's politics, and It's trivial. Most of the people that I know do not discriminate against those who do not share the same opinion as they do, but I also don't associate with many extremists, so that's likely why. They tend to treat people as people, and politics as politics. And if you read what I wrote before, I said we all judge, including myself. And just to be clear with you, I am not an Atheist, I have just learned that the foundation for faith is based on opinion, and it is unwise to judge others for not agreeing with my opinion on that matter. Some of my most successful relationships were with women who did not share the same opinion as I on the matter, but they were incredible people, and a true pleasure to have had romance with.
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