Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 Honestly, he is a piece of *****. I have no respect for him and I am counting the days until it ends. I know you may be thinking, "it can end right now" and it can, but I guess I am too attached for that to happen. Perhaps I need to ride this donkey until it collapses, but one thing is for certain: it will collapse.
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 what's it going to take to collapse? Why don't you take your own destiny into your hands and stop letting him decide for you?
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 I had a friend JUST like you....he was abusive, if he was hungry and she said hold on he'd start breaking things, cheated on her, talked down to her, etc. She was always expressing her sadness but sucked it up because yet again, mom taught her that that's the way men are....4 years later he proposed to her, she said yes but said it was the saddest yes she made in her life. They moved to Cali, treated her even more like trash, always telling her he hated her that he regrets having married her sorry ass, that her ass should just go back to VA (that's where we lived). Long story short, all that crying, suffering, knowing she could do better but staying because she NEEDED a relationship down the drain....he came home one day and told her to get out....one way ticket back to VA. The good news is that if it hadn't been for him kicking her out, she'd be fine with this life for the rest of hers.
Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 I am not letting him decide it for me. The truth is that I am not done with his stupid antics for some reason. But don't worry I will be soon enough. I seem to be experiencing a lot of confusion for some reason. I think him leaving set a lot of this in motion... He is playing mind games like crazy but I am calling him on them. Perhaps my own confusion is keeping me from making a permanent decision. I know I am not ready yet. If he wants to "make the decision for me" it will only help me out, anyway. He really hates the fact that I am rebelling against him and having problems with all his stupid crap. He's getting angrier and angrier with me and threatening break up at this point so I guess it is a good sign. I am calling him out of everything he's doing and he's getting very agitated with it. At least I am standing up for myself.
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 IF he breaks up with you it will either be because he will blame you for it, in which case you will beg him to get back with you (you have to prove him wrong right?) OR He will come back begging for forgivness, tell you he loves you, can't be without you, woman of his dreams etc. I was in this 4 years, my friend was in it and even got married for 6. It took me finding out he wanted to get with my sister towards the end to finally know i'd never take him back. Took my friend getting kicked out of the house and him not answering the phone. Point is....based on your confusions, you will always end up back with him.
serial muse Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 It's good that you're pushing back...but even by engaging with him you're still "buying in". I know you'll end it when you're ready, but think about all the time and energy you're wasting arguing with someone who makes you unhappy. Why invest a single more minute in that? Radio silence is very effective. 1
Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 First of all, I am not just like your friend. I am my own person. Secondly, he does not break things when I don't do what he asks and he does not cheat on me (from what I know). He has given me access to his personal information previously. He and I will not spend 4 years together and I doubt a proposal is in order. He is most definitely abusive and I don't think he is the type of guy who likes relationships or should be in one, as he does not give enough importance to the other party (he is selfish). He likes to talk down, become condescending, and think he is always right. He likes to abandon me and do things that hurt me emotionally, on purpose. He has become physical on one occasion. He and I don't function well because I want to be treated with respect and his culture/family has not instilled those values in him, so we end up budding heads because he can't give me what I want and expect. Those are the real reasons we don't work -- put into perspective He gets annoyed because I give him a hard time when I demand the respect he doesn't feel I deserve or want to be treated as a priority. He tries to talk down to me or shun me away or make me feel crazy because it will take the onus off of him, to do anything about his crappy behavior. But that's HIS problem and not mine. I am just sitting here watching the well dry up...
Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 21, 2013 Author Posted August 21, 2013 It's good that you're pushing back...but even by engaging with him you're still "buying in". I know you'll end it when you're ready, but think about all the time and energy you're wasting arguing with someone who makes you unhappy. Why invest a single more minute in that? Radio silence is very effective. Same thing I was thinking last night. Great point but I do not want to rush into a decision I feel I am not fully ready to make.
emva07 Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 First of all, I am not just like your friend. I am my own person. Secondly, he does not break things when I don't do what he asks and he does not cheat on me (from what I know). He has given me access to his personal information previously. He and I will not spend 4 years together and I doubt a proposal is in order. He is most definitely abusive and I don't think he is the type of guy who likes relationships or should be in one, as he does not give enough importance to the other party (he is selfish). He likes to talk down, become condescending, and think he is always right. He likes to abandon me and do things that hurt me emotionally, on purpose. He has become physical on one occasion. He and I don't function well because I want to be treated with respect and his culture/family has not instilled those values in him, so we end up budding heads because he can't give me what I want and expect. Those are the real reasons we don't work -- put into perspective He gets annoyed because I give him a hard time when I demand the respect he doesn't feel I deserve or want to be treated as a priority. He tries to talk down to me or shun me away or make me feel crazy because it will take the onus off of him, to do anything about his crappy behavior. But that's HIS problem and not mine. I am just sitting here watching the well dry up... cool 1
AmazingLoveDoes Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Hi JustSomeoneHurt, after reading most of the posts on this threat I have a question, could you write down a list of the pros and cons of dating your boyfriend? And looks like most of the people has advised for you to try to move on as it seems that you are not in a healthy relationship but you get extremely defensive, I know it is hard to believe but they all have good intentions! Have a blessed day!
carogan Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) Deleted post. I read a few more posts and realized that maybe my maturity level is different than the subjects of this thread. Edited August 23, 2013 by carogan
Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Hi JustSomeoneHurt, after reading most of the posts on this threat I have a question, could you write down a list of the pros and cons of dating your boyfriend? And looks like most of the people has advised for you to try to move on as it seems that you are not in a healthy relationship but you get extremely defensive, I know it is hard to believe but they all have good intentions! Have a blessed day! This is unfortunately one of the toughest romantic situations I've ever been in. I'm very subjective about it and that is reflected in my (occasional) defensiveness. I do appreciate each person who is genuinely trying to help. I need the support from anyone who will willingly give it. It seems as though I'm extremely attached to this abusive man. It's ironic I can call it, but not separate from it.
AmazingLoveDoes Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 This is unfortunately one of the toughest romantic situations I've ever been in. I'm very subjective about it and that is reflected in my (occasional) defensiveness. I do appreciate each person who is genuinely trying to help. I need the support from anyone who will willingly give it. It seems as though I'm extremely attached to this abusive man. It's ironic I can call it, but not separate from it. Sorry you are going through this, sometimes is very hard and it might even feel impossible to think that we can move on. You already have the facts, you know it is not healthy, I hope you can find the strength to let him go before is too late. Keep us posted!
Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Update: My significant other decided to "go on vacation" to the other side of the world to visit his family, since he's been living in the states. At first the trip was to be 1 month, but he extended it to 2 months because he wanted to catch a relative who would be there weeks earlier. Although he told me about all of this he didn't care much for how I felt about it since it is "his family" and "his vacation" and who am I to tell him how to spend his vacation? Add to the mix that his family is religious and may disown him if they found out about me, you can understand that throughout this 2 month time period he has been gone, I have not been able to speak to him when I needed to since he refuses to call me when his family is awake and we've had endless fights on text message with him intermittently ignoring my calls when it gets bad. Well, turns out he wants to extend it another month! Apparently it's "not safe to travel" right now with the conditions in his country. He's also studying for a licensing exam and his family wants him to stay in the country until his test (which could be months!). He's trying to convince me it will only be another month (yeah right). I am ready to bolt. I want out of his. He has disappointed me and shows no remorse. He told me he may even reschedule his flight from September to late August to come back earlier, changed his mind and now he's disappointing me yet AGAIN by trying to extend it. And where are my feelings in any of this?? Am I to be dragged through the mud while he does whatever he wants? 1 night ago I asked him if the ONLY reason for him to return this month is for me? He said yes, it is. Now I felt so special I even told him, "well, if I am the ONLY reason then MAYBE you should CONSIDER staying there for your studies." Can you see how I said maybe, and consider? And not YES? Well, today he happily used it against me by saying "You told me I could stay!" I see...so basically, this tells me he was BSing about coming back for me and was trying to guilt me into giving him a way out (and I did). I don't want any more disappointment. I find his lack of respect and care to be disgusting. What do you think?
clia Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 This just adds even more reasons why you should dump this guy and never look back. 2
Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 Yeah I actually had a feeling this would happen. He tried to excuse it by saying "you knew this was a possibility" but how about him? He knew this was a possibility with his security before he even went over there. He knew he'd have to schedule his exam, but one of the reasons things are uncertain is because he decided to schedule it days before he returns back here, and the exam date was a determining point in whether he stays or goes. It feels like all he does is throw obstacles in my face and then when I have a problem he just tells me I knew it was a possibility. I say, what could YOU have done differently, where is my fault in any of this? I am done... no part of me believes he will return in a month.
KatZee Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 And even if he did come back in a month, SO WHAT?! It's not like this is some equal partnership here. He calls the shots, he does what he wants when he wants. I'm sure due to his religious upbringing and his family, he has a completely warped idea of what a relationship is supposed to be like. Even if he does come back in a month, who cares. Nothing will change, this is not some fantastic thing you're in here. Everyone told you to take these months and use them to your advantage. Detach from him. You aren't seeing him, you're barely speaking to him, and when you do its on HIS terms only. Your thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc etc... matter very little here. I could see him remaining in his home country indefinitely, honestly. And to even remain in something where his family would disown him if they found out about you? Where exactly do you see this relationship going? You're on the fast track to the city of nowhere. Population: You. 1
Author JustSomeoneHurt Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 And even if he did come back in a month, SO WHAT?! It's not like this is some equal partnership here. He calls the shots, he does what he wants when he wants. I'm sure due to his religious upbringing and his family, he has a completely warped idea of what a relationship is supposed to be like. Agree. Even if he does come back in a month, who cares. Nothing will change, this is not some fantastic thing you're in here. Everyone told you to take these months and use them to your advantage. Detach from him. Major agree.
Recommended Posts