road Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 I haven't read any of the other posts but I can tell you right now that you are looking at this all wrong. You should not be looking at it from the perspective of what SHE chooses to do. You need to decide whether YOU will remain in the marriage or not or what she will have to do in order to remain in your home and married to you. If you decide that you will give her a second chance then you need to tell her in specific deal exactly what she needs to do to remain in the home and if she follows it to the letter then you can work on reconciling with no guarentees from you. If she balks, waivers, tries to change the conditions or does not meet one of the conditions then you file and have her leave. She is the one that fouled here and she is the one that needs to toe the line in order to remain in the marital home if she wants to remain married. It's not up to her and her choice. It's your choice whether she gets that opportunity or not. Oldshi_t knows what he's talking about.
Oberfeldwebel Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Sorry that you are in this situation. The counselor is right the OM must go before you can start to heal. You can't compete with him, since their relationship is not real, but is a fantasy of what she thinks life would be like with him. In the fantasy nothing bad ever happens, there are no bills, disagreements, only sunshine and lollipops. She is in the fog of the affair. The fog will not lift until, the relationship is brought into the light of day. This means that the affair must be exposed to OMW, family and close friends. There has to be consequences to her actions. Don't believe her or him about the state of his marriage as they will both lie right now to get what they want. As others have stated she did not cheat on you because you were working overtime, she cheated to fulfill her own selfish desires.....period. Call OMW and compare information, so that he has consequences for calling your wife. When his wife starts riding his a$$ like a Kentucky Derby winner, then he will have motivation to quit. Family pressure can also be very helpful as well. Create a new bank account and have your pay sent there, you need to control your money. Consult with attorney and determine a legal course of action. There is a good chance when she finds out that being with you is a privilege and not a Plan B option, she will very likely change her tune. In the meantime, only communicate as is necessary. Don't be mean, but don't discuss refinancing the house as you need to consider selling to liquidate assets. Try to be as calm and to the point as is possible, since she has chosen not to be a wife, she is a legal business partner. 1
2sunny Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Instead of agreeing to refi the house - tell her you plan to sell it! Set up an appt with a real estate agent - have a meeting - let your W see her actions and inability to choose the m as her priority has consequences - she may loose the house she lives in. Start taking charge - start showing her that her comfort zone can and is about to be removed because she chooses to continue with her OM - and that choice brings consequences that hurt herself and others - affecting many! 2
road Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Instead of agreeing to refi the house - tell her you plan to sell it! Set up an appt with a real estate agent - have a meeting - let your W see her actions and inability to choose the m as her priority has consequences - she may loose the house she lives in. Start taking charge - start showing her that her comfort zone can and is about to be removed because she chooses to continue with her OM - and that choice brings consequences that hurt herself and others - affecting many! More good advice...............that appears the OP is not going to follow. This person and others have been gone on many miles on this road before you. And they seen others hit the pot holes and crash. They've help others that would listen steer clear of the road hazards. If you don't care you will crash into bridges and burn.
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