IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 So I caught my gf creeping on her exes fb. I confronted her about it and she said ye, she did it just once and she could show me her search log if I wanted to. She showed it to me and she had been checking on him for a month almost every day. I felt really bad. She started crying, trying to tell me how much she loved me and that it wasn't real. That she didn't even know she had been doing it and she guessed it had become a habit or something, but she wasn't interested in the slightest to the guy. She told me she is very sure about what she wants and when I asked her then why she had checked it, she said it was probably just curiosity. But she really did not feel anything (she dumped the guy not the other way around.) I told her I didn't know if I could get past this and it had opened a huge gap in btw of us. I just didn't wanna deal with it so I went to sleep. She cried all night, waking me up from time to time, saying she was feeling the worst she'd ever felt in her life and that she's blaming herself for this and that she won't let this break what we have. I comforted her a bit and said what's done is done. No need to feel bad about it. In the morning I woke up with breakfast and coffee ready and her still almost crying. Tried to hug me a lot of times, I wasn't very receptive. Then walked with me to work. And asked me repeatedly if she still had a chance. That she would push as much as she can but she just wanted to know if I was on a dead end or no. I told her I didn't know and I need time to think so the emotions can fade away and I can think rationally if she can make me happy, or if these kind of problems would be coming up again. She said they wouldn't. She promised. And then I got in my workplace. She wanted to hug. Asked me to kiss her. I told her I was late for work and I left. I just want an outsider's perspective........
KatZee Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Sorry dude, but you're still harping on the wrong problem here. This isn't and shouldn't be your main concern. 2
ChatroomHero Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I mean this in the nicest possible way, you're being an a**hole x 10. So she looked at an exes facebook -1 point She broke up with him +10 points She cried all night feeling bad +40 She made you breakfast +5 She was still upset about it and tried to hug and kiss you +20 Add it up. I broke up with my ex and every now and again I'll look on FB. I have no interest whatsoever in her or getting back with her, but sometimes it's just a curiosity thing of how she is doing. tbh, I don't even care if she is doing well or having problems. When she first moved out I checked pretty often, again, I wanted nothing to do with her and I ended it. Maybe every day or every other day for a while. I really don't know why, but over a year later I will see a post of hers from a friend of a friend and I might take a look. Sometimes you look back and might look at a profile more often, it's hard to explain, but I looked probably more initially because I wanted to see if she was struggling, or in my case when my friend told me to look, it was because she was engaged again right after she left and I was looking occasionally to see when it fell apart. Again, no interest in her in any romantic way, but more curious. Give her a break. If she ended it and wanted to be with him I am guessing she could go back, but she hasn't. And if she was with him for more than a year, I think you owe her an apology for being an outright, insecure d*ck. 4
KatZee Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I mean this in the nicest possible way, you're being an a**hole x 10. I think you owe her an apology for being an outright, insecure d*ck. Please read previous threads and then come back here saying he's being an "a**hole and an insecure d*ck." you may change your tune. This chick is emotionally manipulative. I wouldn't tolerate or fall for her bullsh*t crying for even one second. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 From your last posts I feel you were looking for reasons to break up with this girl, but you want it to be HER fault, not yours. I agree with the above poster. You are not into her, just do it already, why do you need to pin something on her. Stop torturing her and move on.
BluEyeL Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Please read previous threads and then come back here saying he's being an "a**hole and an insecure d*ck." you may change your tune. This chick is emotionally manipulative. I wouldn't tolerate or fall for her bullsh*t crying for even one second. I disagree. My impression from this and previous threads is that the OP is going searching for trouble. He's just looking for reasons and creating the drama.
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I mean this in the nicest possible way, you're being an a**hole x 10. So she looked at an exes facebook -1 point She broke up with him +10 points She cried all night feeling bad +40 She made you breakfast +5 She was still upset about it and tried to hug and kiss you +20 Add it up. I broke up with my ex and every now and again I'll look on FB. I have no interest whatsoever in her or getting back with her, but sometimes it's just a curiosity thing of how she is doing. tbh, I don't even care if she is doing well or having problems. When she first moved out I checked pretty often, again, I wanted nothing to do with her and I ended it. Maybe every day or every other day for a while. I really don't know why, but over a year later I will see a post of hers from a friend of a friend and I might take a look. Sometimes you look back and might look at a profile more often, it's hard to explain, but I looked probably more initially because I wanted to see if she was struggling, or in my case when my friend told me to look, it was because she was engaged again right after she left and I was looking occasionally to see when it fell apart. Again, no interest in her in any romantic way, but more curious. Give her a break. If she ended it and wanted to be with him I am guessing she could go back, but she hasn't. And if she was with him for more than a year, I think you owe her an apology for being an outright, insecure d*ck. I agree with parts of it. Without the parts of I was a dick and her being an angel. I comforted her during the night when she was crying. I told her to not feel bad. But again I did not make any of this happen. She knows she did. We had something amazing and I don't wanna feel uncomfortable for people I don't even know. I just don't want them to be part of my life. I don't care about her ex and she made him part of my life in one way or another. I was an insecure dick??? She outright lied to my face... I just didn't kiss her at the end.
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 From your last posts I feel you were looking for reasons to break up with this girl, but you want it to be HER fault, not yours. I agree with the above poster. You are not into her, just do it already, why do you need to pin something on her. Stop torturing her and move on. You have no idea. I AM SOOOOO INTO HER. I love her in a very deeply way. And that's the only reason that I'm still taking my time and not outright breaking up with her. I think somewhere inside me I want her to work a lot and fix things in one way or the other... But again I am destroyed emotionally, because of the amount of love that I have for this girl.
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I disagree. My impression from this and previous threads is that the OP is going searching for trouble. He's just looking for reasons and creating the drama. But I'm really not... I just wanna be in peace with her in a lonely island and make love all day with no other botherings....
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 did she "unfriend" him/block him??? We talked about this a while ago. She unfriended him, but yet kept on checking on him apparently.
ChatroomHero Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Please read previous threads and then come back here saying he's being an "a**hole and an insecure d*ck." you may change your tune. This chick is emotionally manipulative. I wouldn't tolerate or fall for her bullsh*t crying for even one second. Well asking for an outside opinion solely on the situation of shunning his gf based on her looking at an exe's fb doesn't really convey that. 1
Lansing Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) Wow, I think you totally overreacted ... I think you should definitely appologize to her. You come across as super insecure. If you are not confident in the relationship look at yourself deepdown and see if it is your own insecurities or if you have reason to doubt her. Is the relationship good besides this or were there other reasons why you started looking. EDIT - I didn't read OPs others thread. Just basing it on this. Edited August 9, 2013 by Lansing 1
MidwestUSA Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 People actually fight about this crap? I'm friends with some of my exes on FB and yeah I like to creep their pages and see what they're up to. BFD. LOL, me too. In fact, I still lurk on Match.com as well, from my stalker account, just to see if the losers I went out with are still there (they are, and haven't aged a bit! Amazing!) 1
KatZee Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I disagree. My impression from this and previous threads is that the OP is going searching for trouble. He's just looking for reasons and creating the drama. I don't think he's searching for trouble at all. Based on his current threads his girlfriend is extremely clingy and needy. She's immature and passive aggressive. He went out with her with friends and she got passive aggressive and started hysterically crying when they got home because he "wasn't paying enough attention" to her when they were out. She also thinks it's perfectly acceptable to go through his phone, read his text message and then accuse him of things. She uses crying as a way to get what she wants, and frankly that's really obnoxious coming from anyone. It's also not right that it's OK for her to snoop through his things, get mad if he's talking to someone else, talking to another female, yet it's OK for her to go on Facebook, continuously look up her ex-boyfriend, LIE about it to his face, and then when she's caught, she again CRIES as a way to play on his soft spot for her. I mean come ON. 1
New User Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Everything that you have posted about your relationship paints the picture of a couple who are extremely toxic to one another. You both seem manipulative, prone to taking almost anything as a slight, and extremely jealous (assuming this whole thing isn't a put on, which I'm starting to suspect more and more). I think that you've started three threads on your problems in the last two days which at the very least suggests that you are ill-equipped to understand and deal with each other's issues. The picture that I get is of two people that either enjoy or have some compulsion to push each other's buttons. You both come across as very high strung and unwilling to let anything slide and this seems like a situation where you are constantly on edge and looking for reasons to doubt your partner's intents. Regardless as to who is at fault it sounds like a nerve wracking and extremely unhealthy pairing. I'm not going to bother assessing blame because as much as you've shared here it seems clear that the dynamics of this relationship are as f**ked up as a football bat and I still think that both of you confuse chaos with passion. Your earlier comment that her being jealous means that she's into you is indicative of an unhealthy view as to what constitutes a solid relationship. 1
Brunettie Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I really don't think her looking up her ex is a big deal.. Kinda weird that it was everyday for a month, yes. But it's not a big deal. They're broken up. She's probably just catching up on his new status or something, not secretly pining over him. It's curiosity, nothing more. 2
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I really don't think her looking up her ex is a big deal.. Kinda weird that it was everyday for a month, yes. But it's not a big deal. They're broken up. She's probably just catching up on his new status or something, not secretly pining over him. It's curiosity, nothing more. I know it's not as big of a deal but yet it hurts. We have talked about this (its a bit of a long story) and the 2 most recent exes we decided should be cut out completely just because we really feel bad when they're mentioned because of how close they were to our relationship, and because they affected it in the past. She knew that something like this would hurt me like crazy... yet...
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 I don't think he's searching for trouble at all. Based on his current threads his girlfriend is extremely clingy and needy. She's immature and passive aggressive. He went out with her with friends and she got passive aggressive and started hysterically crying when they got home because he "wasn't paying enough attention" to her when they were out. She also thinks it's perfectly acceptable to go through his phone, read his text message and then accuse him of things. She uses crying as a way to get what she wants, and frankly that's really obnoxious coming from anyone. It's also not right that it's OK for her to snoop through his things, get mad if he's talking to someone else, talking to another female, yet it's OK for her to go on Facebook, continuously look up her ex-boyfriend, LIE about it to his face, and then when she's caught, she again CRIES as a way to play on his soft spot for her. I mean come ON. Thanks for the good words. Like I said I wasn't searching for trouble. Trouble found me. And yes she made it clear in the relationship that we should be very very open to each other and I was OK with that. I thought communication and trust were key and if her asking me to look at my phone would help that, I really had nothing to hide and have always been acceptive and comforting to any of her insecurities.
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Everything that you have posted about your relationship paints the picture of a couple who are extremely toxic to one another. You both seem manipulative, prone to taking almost anything as a slight, and extremely jealous (assuming this whole thing isn't a put on, which I'm starting to suspect more and more). I think that you've started three threads on your problems in the last two days which at the very least suggests that you are ill-equipped to understand and deal with each other's issues. The picture that I get is of two people that either enjoy or have some compulsion to push each other's buttons. You both come across as very high strung and unwilling to let anything slide and this seems like a situation where you are constantly on edge and looking for reasons to doubt your partner's intents. Regardless as to who is at fault it sounds like a nerve wracking and extremely unhealthy pairing. I'm not going to bother assessing blame because as much as you've shared here it seems clear that the dynamics of this relationship are as f**ked up as a football bat and I still think that both of you confuse chaos with passion. Your earlier comment that her being jealous means that she's into you is indicative of an unhealthy view as to what constitutes a solid relationship. We are very very very close to one another emotionally. I don't think seeing it from a 3rd point of view, one could understand. The terms of today's standard relationship are more of "I'm here for me". We are much more involved than that and that's where all the frustration comes from. She wants to be the sole girl in my head and me not to keep other options open. And I'm OK with that as long as she does the same. But again if I wasn't IN this and I'd look at it, I'd think what a bunch of idiots that can't keep their cool. But being IN it is much different.
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Wow, I think you totally overreacted ... I think you should definitely appologize to her. You come across as super insecure. If you are not confident in the relationship look at yourself deepdown and see if it is your own insecurities or if you have reason to doubt her. Is the relationship good besides this or were there other reasons why you started looking. EDIT - I didn't read OPs others thread. Just basing it on this. I'm confused where I overreacted. She lied to my face and was creeping on her ex everyday for god knows what reason. She is extremely confused as to why she even creeped on her ex. I did not scream to her. I did not blame her. I kept my cool. I was speaking in a rational way and conveying that I did not know what was best for us at the moment. Where was I a dickhead exactly?
Author IAmRobot Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 We stalk our ex's Facebook profiles | Babble As I said I understand. Doesn't mask the fact that she lied and she was checking up on him everyday. I would understand once in a while, to see what he's up to. And why lie to me if it's nothing to be worried about. I even told her it's perfectly normal to be looking up exes once in a while.
ChessPieceFace Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) It's normal to look at old gf/bf's facebook pages. I see now though that she was doing it every day? Well that's messed up then. Edited August 9, 2013 by ChessPieceFace
Brunettie Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 As I said I understand. Doesn't mask the fact that she lied and she was checking up on him everyday. I would understand once in a while, to see what he's up to. And why lie to me if it's nothing to be worried about. I even told her it's perfectly normal to be looking up exes once in a while. Yeah the lying about it part is...not good
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