CookieMonster Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 I met a guy online a few weeks ago but we didn't meet in person for a couple of weeks, only chatted online. One night real late we were both online and were both hungry so we decided to meet for some fast food. It was no big deal to me, I wasn't expecting a "date" type situation anyway. But we met and hung out and ended up having sex. For the last 2 and a half weeks or so we kept in touch at least once a day, either by phone or chat or text message. I've seen him a total of 5 times since we met. We get along really well and like each other. That's what it looked like to me anyway. About 5 days ago he was telling me the next month of school is going to be hell for him as he has tests and papers coming up. Two days ago he told me he was bummed that he wouldn't be able to see me that much because of being so busy with school and work (he takes 5 classes and works 30 hours a week.) He said he didn't want to make me "wait" for him, whatever that means. I asked him if he wanted to continue just seeing each other whenever possible or just forget it and he said he didn't know. He also mentioned that maybe he's just in a funk right now and thinks maybe he is too preoccupied to open up his feelings. He did call me on Halloween and sent me a happy birthday text message, but has been distant as far as contact. I see that he's online but he says nothing to me. So now I'M in a major funk because I feel rejected. All the signs were good, so I don't get it. I understand that he's busy and has stuff to deal with but it's my opinion that if you really like someone, you can make the effort to keep things running as long as the other person understands the shortage of time. And I do understand that. I don't ask him for his time and I try not to bug him too much, I just let him make the plans because he is busier than me. I really scoped this guy out - was tired of dating "projects" and thought about whether or not I wanted to date him. All the factors seemed acceptable to me and I found myself unexpectedly hooked on him. I don't think I was overzealous or acted any more into him than he was into me. So I guess my question is....am I getting the brush off or is it possible he's really just too busy right now to think about starting something new? It seems right now as if there is no closure to this, either way. I don't know whether I can say I'm dating someone, or not. Last week I could have said that, but now I don't know. It's my birthday today but I just feel majorly bummed because I thought this could be the start of something really good, and I was willing to be patient and take whatever time he could give me. Half of me says just back off and don't contact him again, let him contact me. The other half says I should write to him and ask him what the deal is, in a nonoffensive way, and wait and see what he says. What do you think?
Nocturnalkitee Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Originally posted by CookieMonster Half of me says just back off and don't contact him again, let him contact me. The other half says I should write to him and ask him what the deal is, in a nonoffensive way, and wait and see what he says. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Cookie Monster!!! Let him contact you first!!!
Huntr777 Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Hey Cookie Monster...I'm going through kind of the same thing myself with a great girl I met. Without trying to sound too "judgemental" here...can I say that one problem I see is that you had sex way too soon with the guy. In every long term releationship I've had, sex waited. (And you have to remember this is a guy saying this to you!) I say just cool it down a bit, and for goodness sake keep your options open! So what do you do now? Do the same thing I'm doing...going out, meeting friends, meeting new members of the opposite sex. The ABSOLUTE WORST THING TO DO IS TO SIT HOME LIKE YOU'RE UNDER HOUSE ARREST! I know that's tough, but try to get your mind off the situation. hehehehe if you're in Northern NJ we'll both go out for a drink and commiserate and forget about everything! Hunter
tiki Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Continue on with your life. If he wants you, he'll make it clear. Crystal clear.
morrigan Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Get out and enjoy yourself like Tiki and Huntr777 said--don't wait by the phone or the computer. If he calls again, be friendly, but don't change/drop plans for him. If you go out with him again, have a good time, but be realistic about any potential relationship with this dude. He may not feel the same way about you, or he may actually like you quite a bit. The fact is, he hasn't fully made the attempt to see/contact you more. I'm sure you work/go to school and have a busy life at times as much as anyone else--you still make the time to do things. Just don't invest a large quanitity of your life into someone who only plays by his schedule.
iceisles Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 Originally posted by morrigan I'm sure you work/go to school and have a busy life at times as much as anyone else--you still make the time to do things. Just don't invest a large quanitity of your life into someone who only plays by his schedule. 99% of the time when someone says they don't have time for you, they are not being truthful. Even the busiest people in the world can find a few free minutes here and there. For example, during my busiest weeks at college, I still took a few mins to stop and actually have lunch or breathe. When my ex started to say she may not call because she didn't have time, I knew the downslide was coming. Definitely follow what morrigan said - hang out, have fun, but dont get too caught up in someone who only makes themselves available at their convenience.
ChattGirl Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 As hard as it is to accept especially knowing you've had sex with him, you gotta let it go. Chalk it up as a learning experience and grow from that and move on... I know all too well... Trust me... Happy Belated Birthday My Scorpio Sister!
Author CookieMonster Posted November 5, 2004 Author Posted November 5, 2004 Thanks everyone for your advice! I've decided to lay low and just go on living, business as usual . It's hard to go back to what you knew before someone came along, but at least I wasn't any further into it with this guy than I already was. I respect his schedule and we don't exactly live near each other, so I'm just going to give him time and space and see what happens when school's over. He did initiate a chat with me yesterday and things seemed a little more optimistic-he wants to take me out for my birthday, but I know what I need to do now. Lower my expectations (but not my standards.) I won't be so hasty next time. Thanks for the birthday wishes too!
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