Not who I thought he was?

[Ciel0]

I've recently developed strong feelings for a guy: it almost feels like I can never feel the same way about anyone else. I stumbled upon a photo a friend posted of him at a restaurant. There were two comments about him hitting on the waitress. I have no idea if it was an exaggeration or literal, judging by their tone. He is quite a reserved, mysterious guy (the photo caption even states this!). He is the last person I would expect to do something as forward as hitting on a waitress. Perhaps from him it was subtle? Needless to say, I was a bit shocked. It almost makes me feel like I have less of a chance with him. He is really handsome, so it makes me think "Does he go after a lot of women?" Am I reading into this too much?

 

This photo is a year old btw

[iKING]

It's a year old. Guys flirt with girls. Kind of just how things work. His friends gave him crap about it.

 

I think you're over-thinking this one.

[JourneyLady]

In looking for a partner some of us are attracted to those we think are least likely to cheat on us or go wandering. Some people choose this as a facade in order to get us interested, while really they just want someone to temporarily latch onto.

 

For some people it's "normal" to flirt with a waitress and ask for her number, for some it certainly isn't at all their routine or something they would do. Obviously the OP had the impression that the person they are interested in was in the latter group and is now receiving the opposite impression.

 

Whatever your views on the behavior, it's common to get one idea about a person and have it shot down. Being deceived as to someone's character is the issue - not the behavior. Other examples:

 

Being told by them they don't smoke, when in fact you find out later they do.

Same with drugs.

Being told you are special, "are the one", etc. Then finding out later, they've said this to everyone they want to take to bed. etc. ect.

 

This is why love and attraction are such risks. Because we rarely know someone well enough to see the real them before we have love for them. You can't "should" somebody for what they ultimately want. It's a matter of personal preference. All that has been stated here so far is to tell the OP that their personal preference does not matter or is unrealistic. That is for THEM to decide, not you.

 

The question is really how do we know when our view of someone is the real person they are?

[Ciel0]

Wow, after cooling down a bit I see how silly I'm being! I posted that less than an hour after finding that picture. Lol. I felt like "He hasn't hit on me..." but I'm oblivious to that sort of thing

[GI_Joy]

Sounds like a bit of retroactive jealousy going on here, OP. Unfortunately social networking sites (I'm guessing you've stumbled upon the photo on facebook) only make it easier to look at their history. I've been in that position too. If you look at your thoughts objectively you'll see it for yourself as well. The question isn't really about his character more than it is a question towards yourself, asking, why does his actions from a YEAR ago even matter to what we have going on now. Anxiety and worry sets in when you're not focusing yourself on the present situation and instead thinking about the past and the future. My best advice for you is to stop searching for what he was like in the past and focus on creating memorable moments with your guy.

[Ciel0]

I'm getting the impression that he's been with a lot of women, not the kind of man I'm into. I've seen things friends have posted eluding to this, I've seen him called "international player" twice. Again, its almost impossible to tell if they are being literal or joking. Maybe they say these things solely because he's very attractive? (they've mentioned his good looks quite a bit) It's hard for me to believe that this mysterious shy guy is a "player". He barely even has a presence on the internet! Maybe that's how his friends joke with him?