BigRis3r Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 There is this girl from my church whom I have a crush on for years. I never had the courage to talk to her till about a month ago when I started to message her on Facebook. We will see each other in church every Sunday, but she is always surrounded by her friends so I never had any opportunity to talk to her( I didn't have the courage either). Her best friend knows that I like this girl, so she helped me to ask the girl about what she thinks of me. It's sad to hear that she only sees me as a friend because i thought that things were going quite well between us. But after looking through her Facebook and twitter, I realized that she treats all guys the same. And the problem is that she has many suitors. And by looking at the way they talk, I can never compete against them. They are so good at flirting with her while I can never do that. And mostly, my conversation would get boring and she would ignore me sometimes I know that she likes minion and am planning on getting a minion soft toy for her, but I could see that alot of guys are giving her gifts too. I am planning on adding in a hand written card to make it a little personal. Is that ok? Or is it too early to give gifts? But here comes another problem. She has gently decline an outing with me last week. If she doesn't want to go out with me, how can I pass her the gift? Can somebody help me and advice me on how to win her heart? I really like her a lot.
white Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 You can't. Probably nobody can, she's a young attention seeker. At some point she'll decide attention isn't enough but she won't be "won", she'll survey her suitors like a farmer at market and choose the most handsome guy. When I was young I thought like you, grand romantic gestures, trying to gain interest like I was a ****ing performing monkey. Ironically I had more success back then than I do now but it was despite my naivety, not because of it. If I'd known then what I know now I'd have become a very different person. She's already indicated twice that she's not interested. There will be others, others less overprivileged without a swarm of guys feeding her ego at all times. And don't buy her things.
Philosoraptor Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Unless you feel like dealing with her flirting with a lot of guys, guys getting her gifts randomly, and a lot of drama... I wouldn't do anything here. Sounds like she's getting a lot of nice things and good attention though. I don't buy gifts for anyone I'm not committed to. Don't even go out for dates that cost money on the first date. If she's not interested in you, no amount of gifts is going to win her over. 1
ChatroomHero Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 You need to look at it from her side. Let's say a girl you have no interest in (probably any other girl but this one right now), bought you a small gift. It would be a waste of her money, right? You wouldn't suddenly think, hey, that gift she bought me really made me like her! You cannot buy her. The gift will be a waste and a card with a hand written note will probably just end up being nothing more than a good laugh for her and her friends. If you really want a chance you have to learn how to stop thinking things like, "I can't compete with those other guys" and learn how to compete. That's the only way. 2
KathyM Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 She's made it clear that she only thinks of you as a friend. One among many. That's a red light for you, and it's not going to help to ignore it. I'm sorry, but you'd just make yourself look pathetic to her if you give her gifts when she has made it clear she wasn't interested in you as more than just friends. 1
New User Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 She's made it clear that she only thinks of you as a friend. One among many. That's a red light for you, and it's not going to help to ignore it. I'm sorry, but you'd just make yourself look pathetic to her if you give her gifts when she has made it clear she wasn't interested in you as more than just friends. Yep. The worst thing that you can do is to stay in her orbit and hope that some day she realizes what a swell guy you are. She's not into you- that isn't any kind of assessment on you as a man and there is scant chance of that changing. I'd suggest that you cut all contact with her and look elsewhere for available women. Hanging around and hoping for change while trying to buy her affection is only going to make you look pathetic to her and destroy your self respect. Especially when she starts dating some other dude and you're biting down your anger wondering what she sees in him and believing that you are better because you think that you're nicer or whatever.
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