Kozmo Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 so after months of begging her to come back. i finally decided to give up. this morning i received a lengthy email from her. in it she talks about me bringing the worst in her. pushing the wrong buttons. me forcing her when i didn't just let things happen on their own. she wants me to learn and grow, find a better girl. she appreciates all the love and care i have given her. she wants me to one day forgive her for the breakup. she says that i'm just another one of her MANY boyfriends, who just ended up as a "lesson" to her. i wrote back, and i took a different approach than what i've been doing the past couple of months. i expressed how much she overreacts to everything. how i can tell when she's lying and her keeping secrets. how she say's she's the most loyal partner, but thats BS because if she was...she'd still be with me right now. i've been passive during our relationship, i let her walk all over me, treat me poorly, and i just took it, kept my mouth shut. i told her maybe i should be with someone else. someone who really appreciates me. someone who could love me unconditionally unlike her. i told her the truth hurts, and she can hate me all she wants, but i'm being honest. finally i said "if you never want to talk to me again, i'll accept it. i hope you reflect on what i said and not overreact in a negative way." she replied "thank you for finally being honest. goodbye." what do you guys think.. was i too harsh? was it the right thing to do speaking my mind and standing up for myself?
Legatus Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Honesty is never harsh. Someone who doesn't want to hear it will think it's harsh. Don't worry about it, you've done what you should have a long time ago. Letting go by finally expressing your true feelings and emotions. Now you can start moving on.. 2
TaraMaiden Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 It was a bit schytty of you, especially as you've been plying her with all kinds of sweet words of entreaty up to now... 2
berkeley1987 Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 TaraMaiden;5119364]It was a bit schytty of you, especially as you've been plying her with all kinds of sweet words of entreaty up to now...
TaraMaiden Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Tried to edit: I lose track of people and threads at times.... It was harsh, but on the face of it (just checked) it was probably necessary. Hopefully this really does draw a line in the sand for you, so make sure you implement No Contact, and stick with it. Best of luck, Kozmo... 2
Chi townD Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Hardest part for the OP is not responding to anything else she may send. Hardest I think is to ignore anything and everything about her. I have a feeling you are the kind of person that has to get the last word in. And she knows it. She knows how to push your buttons. So, don't give her the satisfaction.
Author Kozmo Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Hardest part for the OP is not responding to anything else she may send. Hardest I think is to ignore anything and everything about her. I have a feeling you are the kind of person that has to get the last word in. And she knows it. She knows how to push your buttons. So, don't give her the satisfaction. what does OP stand for?
Lei Ping Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 so after months of begging her to come back .she replied "thank you for finally being honest. goodbye." what do you guys think.. was i too harsh? was it the right thing to do speaking my mind and standing up for myself? Speaking your mind and standing up to her? Sounds more like "sour grapes" after all that begging. You basically just admitted to her that you were "beg-lying" and she lost whatever tiny shred of respect for you that she may have had clinging to her shoe. "Months of begging"...come on Man you're making us all look like idiots. Now her next BF has got to deal with the nonsense you put into her head about "all Men....". Cut it out, Georgie Porgie. Sheesh! 1
Author Kozmo Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 so she told me that once i fully let her go, that's when i'll be ready to be in a relationship again. but i made the mistake in saying i was finally over her and does she want to hang out at disneyland... she used her mind tricks and forced me to open up my feelings for her. i told her how much i still love her and how i've been trying to change. she say's she doesn't want to get back because i'm inconsistent with my feelings, one day i'm over her, the next i'm not... which is totally true. i have a big problem with letting go. she says she doesn't want to get back because she can't trust me, cause i won't give her space. that i rushed the healing process, and push her to want to love me again without it happening on its own.. so i'm just going to leave her alone... i'm hoping when she contacts me in the future both our emotions will calm down.
flitzanu Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 so she told me that once i fully let her go, that's when i'll be ready to be in a relationship again. but i made the mistake in saying i was finally over her and does she want to hang out at disneyland... she used her mind tricks and forced me to open up my feelings for her. i told her how much i still love her and how i've been trying to change. she say's she doesn't want to get back because i'm inconsistent with my feelings, one day i'm over her, the next i'm not... which is totally true. i have a big problem with letting go. she says she doesn't want to get back because she can't trust me, cause i won't give her space. that i rushed the healing process, and push her to want to love me again without it happening on its own.. so i'm just going to leave her alone... i'm hoping when she contacts me in the future both our emotions will calm down. you're still following this girl like a lost puppy? what happened to going NC and not doing this anymore?
thora-tiki Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 Wowsa! You have been dating a relationship guru! Gosh! How exiting! Although she has one good point: To start a new relationship we have to have let go of the old one. But to me, it doesn't sound as if she is over the old failed relationship (the one with you). As a relationship guru, hah!, she should know that the inconsistent way you are with your feelings are perfectly normal for someone with heart ache. Idiot ex! It seems to me you two are having way too much contact. Stop it! And all of it is talks or e-mails about the old relationship. One day she is dragging you into it, the next you are dragging her into it. So, the next time she e-mails/text/calls etc. Just ignore the it, look at it like an emotional brain fart from your ex. Pahaha! If she didn't care, she wouldn't be trying to get your attention. If you break no contact for these breadcrumbs, I can tell you what will happen: She will know you are still pining for her. And next time you try to reconnect, do not try to do it at Disneyland. The first get together should never be longer than 60 minutes. The first get together should be something short and simple. You may suggest going out for coffee or a drink, maybe lunch. Something that seems casual, gives you time to talk, and won’t last very long is what you’re shooting for. Tomorrow, she may be missing you, but she is mostly curious, because she hasn't heard from you in a few hours/days/weeks but mostly she doesn't want you to move forward, and e-mailing/calling/texting etc. you keeps you from moving forward - how selfish of her! But she is still just a girl who doesn't want to be alone and needs a fix. She hasn't really began to feel that she has made a huge mistake. When that time comes, hang onto your hat! I have a feeling she'll be very vocal about it. Even then I would proceed with caution, and question her motives. Focus in yourself. I tell myself the same too.
TaraMaiden Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 so she told me that once i fully let her go, that's when i'll be ready to be in a relationship again. but i made the mistake in saying i was finally over her and does she want to hang out at disneyland... she used her mind tricks and forced me to open up my feelings for her. i told her how much i still love her and how i've been trying to change. she say's she doesn't want to get back because i'm inconsistent with my feelings, one day i'm over her, the next i'm not... which is totally true. i have a big problem with letting go. she says she doesn't want to get back because she can't trust me, cause i won't give her space. that i rushed the healing process, and push her to want to love me again without it happening on its own.. so i'm just going to leave her alone... i'm hoping when she contacts me in the future both our emotions will calm down. Look: You called yourself 'stupid' so I'm afraid i'm going to have to agree with you. Why the phukkety-phukk didn't you listen to the good advice we gave you? No Contact is permanent!! Get that through your head. She didn't make you do anything. There were no 'mind tricks'. You walked slap-bang into this one all on your own, admit it. Just go NC, stay NC and cut off all ways possible for you to get in touch with her, okay?!!??
Author Kozmo Posted August 10, 2013 Author Posted August 10, 2013 the reason why i stay in contact with my is because a professional told me to. they said if you really want her back, do not use no contact. the reason being is that if you don't contact her, you run the risk of losing her interest and her moving on to someone else. keeping the communication will hold the relationship together and all that bs. i took her advice, and it backfired. me and my ex kept limited contact and tried to work with each other. she says the only reason why we kept in contact after the breakup is because she cares and wants to be there for me. but things got heated up, i pushed her to her boiling point and she can no longer work with me. now she wants me to leave her alone for awhile. she needs this time to heal and forgive. she says i never gave her the chance to make her miss me, and for her to decide if she wants to be with me or not.
JDPT Posted August 10, 2013 Posted August 10, 2013 What kind of professional was this? wow, I guess you have learned a valuable lesson about NC. My ex got her point across very clear when I decided to break NC long ago telling her how I felt, she didn't reply at all. Surprisingly I didn't hurt me at all as I was halfheartedly sending her that message not being sure what I really wanted. Move forward and never look back focus on the many things you will like to accomplish now that you are a free agent. And if you think about breaking NC post here first, we will help you out. 1
flitzanu Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 the reason why i stay in contact with my is because a professional told me to. they said if you really want her back, do not use no contact. the reason being is that if you don't contact her, you run the risk of losing her interest and her moving on to someone else. keeping the communication will hold the relationship together and all that bs. i took her advice, and it backfired. me and my ex kept limited contact and tried to work with each other. she says the only reason why we kept in contact after the breakup is because she cares and wants to be there for me. but things got heated up, i pushed her to her boiling point and she can no longer work with me. now she wants me to leave her alone for awhile. she needs this time to heal and forgive. she says i never gave her the chance to make her miss me, and for her to decide if she wants to be with me or not. i'm noticing you said "professional" but not what type. firstly, there is no "using NC", it isn't a method to win someone back. secondly, maintaining communication in a relationship is a good thing, however you DO NOT HAVE a relationship with your ex, that's why she's an ex. thirdly, the reason your ex got to the boiling point is because she dumped you and ended the relationship, and by constantly pushing this "working it out" crap she hit the point where she's done trying to "be your friend" because you wouldn't get it through your head that she dumped you and doesn't want to be with you. no amount of "standing up for yourself" or telling her "i should find a woman that deserves me" is going to affect her, because she already left. you're just reiterating her exact feelings. these are the EXACT SAME SCENARIOS that thousands of us on here have already been through, and we tell people EVERY DAY how they are going to turn out, not because we are "depressed losers" but because we already know the ending of the story. i hope this is making sense finally.
TaraMaiden Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 the reason why i stay in contact with my is because a professional told me to. 'Professional' what? She doesn't perchance have an investment in your continued presence, does She? You pay her for this advice, do you....? they said if you really want her back, do not use no contact. I would say that too. FOC. Because that isn't what NC is for, or about. Never use NC to get anyone back! i took her advice, and it backfired. No schytt. Do tell... me and my ex kept limited contact and tried to work with each other. she says the only reason why we kept in contact after the breakup is because she cares and wants to be there for me. but things got heated up, i pushed her to her boiling point and she can no longer work with me. now she wants me to leave her alone for awhile. she needs this time to heal and forgive. she says i never gave her the chance to make her miss me, and for her to decide if she wants to be with me or not. flitzanu answered this perfectly. All I will say is - what he said. 1
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