noideaman Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Hi all heres my story My fiance of 5 and a half year said sunday gone she wants space. We have a 4 year old child together. Have lived together for about 5 years. The odd little bit of talking she has said she is unhappy with our relationship as a whole. I have tried to suggest we do couply things again like watch a film or go out for meals etc to try get that spark back but she doesnt want to. We have a holiday coming up next month just me and her which she says wants to enjoy. But if shes not happy when we get back then we cant be together. Saying a few times if we split she wants us to get on for the kids sake. Our relationship has been abit of a rollercoaster ride. Ups and downs. I am going through hell right now. I am hurting so much. I cant eat properly and my mind is in overdrive. I stayed at my parents the other night but have since come back as me and her were talking abit better. But no matter how hard I try, anything I do, mentioning it etc she says im not giving her space. I really dont know how to deal with this now. I need advice. She says she loves me but is not happy and hasnt been happy for ages. But has just gotten on with it rather then saying. At home she just seems to avoid me and I get little contact outside of work I feel like when we get back from the holiday she is just going to say that she wants to split anyways. As she just wont try work things out. I mentioned that to her and she never quite answered it. She kicks off if try talk to her sometimes. Please advise
xsanex Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 No matter what you do, play it cool! Don't lose your mind and stay calm. I'd suggest being very nice to her and giving her the space she needs (if she still requests that after your vacation). I've learned through my own experience that we have to truly accept what they want. We can only try peacefully to convince them to stay or come back to us. Best of luck!!!! 1
Author noideaman Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) Do you think ill be best off to move back to my parents house? Or stick around and try carry on? I guess I cant really grasp what space means after all the years I thought we were ok. Never felt so down in my life. Cant sleep properly on the nights cant eat much. Im scared of bringing my daughter up in a broken home. I love my partner so much this all like a massive bombshell. Untill recently we were even trying for another baby. Edited August 9, 2013 by noideaman
LBean Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 Do you know why it is that she's unhappy? Have these issues been addressed? Are YOU happy? I think any relationship that involves kids are especially worth fighting for, but it takes work, commitment, patience, and understanding from BOTH parties. Have you two considered counselling? Going on vacation will definitely not change her feelings after the fact. The issues behind the unhappiness has to be addressed. There's no magic pill. Of course no one wants to bring their children up in a broken home, however there are times when being apart is better for the children. My parents stayed together a lot longer than they should have. I think it would have been healthier for all involved had they separated years before they had. Having said that, they were both civil, and never made the divorce hard on us. Being able to get along is key.
Author noideaman Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 She just says as a whole unhappy. Im more olf fashioned and think things are worth fighting for. I just dont feel she wants us to try. Cant make her happy unless she lets me at least try. She says she loves me but doesnt think things will change. Can some one define space for me. Am I making a midtake by stayibg in our home through all this? Bexause going back to the parents house feels like im walking away and giving up
LBean Posted August 9, 2013 Posted August 9, 2013 I can't define space for her. Stop asking her what's wrong, let her do her own thing, go to your parents place. I don't know what she wants. Ask her if she would like you to spend a day or two at your parents place, Maybe that would help. Like XsaneX said, try to keep your cool right now. There must be reasons for her unhappiness, may I ask how old you both are? Have you discussed going to MC? If she really doesn't want to work on things, then there's nothing you can really do about that, unfortunately. In the meantime, try to remain calm. Ask her what she needs right now, and if what she needs is for you to have a short visit with the 'rents, go for it. I really recommend bringing up at some point the possibility of getting some therapy.
Author noideaman Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 Im 26 shes 28. Ill suggest therapy but doubt she will be interested tbh. I can move back into my parents for sure. Just feels like a step in the wrong direction. Cant work out if im making a mistake with all this by staying
Author noideaman Posted August 9, 2013 Author Posted August 9, 2013 (edited) Do you know why it is that she's unhappy? Have these issues been addressed? Are YOU happy? I think any relationship that involves kids are especially worth fighting for, but it takes work, commitment, patience, and understanding from BOTH parties. Have you two considered counselling? Going on vacation will definitely not change her feelings after the fact. The issues behind the unhappiness has to be addressed. There's no magic pill. Of course no one wants to bring their children up in a broken home, however there are times when being apart is better for the children. My parents stayed together a lot longer than they should have. I think it would have been healthier for all involved had they separated years before they had. Having said that, they were both civil, and never made the divorce hard on us. Being able to get along is key. We can get on though thats the thing. Is it when the dumper says they still love you a way to ease your pain? I felt happy in the relationship, not 100% but I loce her enough to at least try. Find it difficult understanding that she wont try herself Edited August 9, 2013 by noideaman
Author noideaman Posted August 13, 2013 Author Posted August 13, 2013 Quick update. She ended things and wants space and time and to still go on holiday. Said she feels happyier now we've ended that the pressure is now off as I kept asking for answers. What can I do to make this better???
JDPT Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 As stated previously, just let things be and start preparing your mind for the inevitable. You never got to the root of why she wants her space. I'm not so sure about moving in with your parents as that is your home and she should be able to respect that just like you will respect that she wants her space, sounds like an oxymoron but you can't just leave because she wants her "space" understand? Take it a day at a time, don't torture yourself attempting to look for answers, or try to rationalize the irrational. Let the dust settle a bit and then see what you can possibly to do salvage this relationship if it's doable. Like I said just prepare your mind for whatever is coming.
blazerrr Posted August 13, 2013 Posted August 13, 2013 I'm having VERY similar issues right now. My (ex) GF is unhappy and that's why she left me for now. However, my story is a bit different: A) My girlfriend is 5 years younger B) We don't have a child C) She is having fun with rebound BUT... I have tried to get her back for 3 weeks now, and as far as I have learned you should do this: 1) Don't beg, don't please her, don't try to be nice to her. 2) Say that you will accept it and give you time & space bla bla (like a real man) 3) Start No Contact. She will call you for sure, 5 years is a lot and if it wasn't "bad breakup" then there are pretty good chanches that she comes back. Just act cool. 4) Start improving yourself in every ****ing way. Start by analyzing the mistakes that you did in relatioship. Think, why wasn't she happy. What things did you do when you started dating and what things you did at the "end" of the relationship. Compare them and figure out what she really loves you about. Don't forget those "tiny little things" that every girl want. Just saying "I love you" is not enough... for some girls at least. Hope you get back together,
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