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How can I convince my boyfriend to not be so scared to be rough?

juststarry6443

By juststarry6443
in General Relationship Discussion

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juststarry6443 Established Member

juststarry6443

Posted
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I like it rough.

 

I love the passion and the romance, but I seriously need to get my hair pulled, lip bitten, scratched, spanked anything and everything...

Sometimes there are spanks but it's like a little "pussy" spank.

 

Any ideas to loosen him up a little?

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iKING Established Member

iKING

Posted
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Bite/scratch/pull on him. It might give him the motivation to do it back.

 

A lot of men's hesitation to be rough comes from the fine lines between what is and what isn't okay. We are taught we need to be delicate and soft with women, yet they ask us to do otherwise violent acts toward them under special circumstances.

 

To someone new to the idea, it could take some getting used to. Just ease him into it.

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juststarry6443 Established Member

juststarry6443

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You're right. Although, I just think pain doesn't excite him as much as it does me.

 

We've been together for 3 years...I think I've done all the easing into it for as long as I possibly can.

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iKING Established Member

iKING

Posted
Posted
You're right. Although, I just think pain doesn't excite him as much as it does me.

 

We've been together for 3 years...I think I've done all the easing into it for as long as I possibly can.

 

That could very well be the case, I wasn't aware you had been together that long.

 

Honestly you may be beating a dead horse here, perhaps he just isn't as passionate of a lover as you are.

 

There definitely are degrees of intensity people get used to and tend not to stray from.

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Carenth Established Member

Carenth

Posted
Posted (edited)

My current girlfriend likes it rough. Honestly it is a little bit intimidating as it goes against the way I was raised and my past girlfriends never talked about being interested in that. She says the feeling of pain and pleasure at the same time makes it feel really good for her.

 

I don't know what you can do with your current boyfriend as you have been with him for 3 years. My girlfriend was very up front with me about her tastes when we got to that point.

 

she told me she would really enjoy me doing these things with her and she promised she would let me know if it was going too far (I was very scared of hurting her). I was honestly kind of surprised when she told me about all of this. If you met her in person she is really friendly, kind and seems very innocent so I was thrown off guard I guess. I'm ok with it as long as she is having fun.

Edited by Carenth
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Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

Posted
Posted

Yeah if he doesnt do what you like after 3 years, then he doesnt want to. I can understand him if this is the case. I tried it rough with a past gf, and I couldnt get into it. It was basically a rape fantasy she wanted and it was just more work that it was worth.

King_Crimson Established Member

King_Crimson

Posted
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Alcohol and handcuffs worked for me ;)

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted
You're right. Although, I just think pain doesn't excite him as much as it does me.

 

We've been together for 3 years...I think I've done all the easing into it for as long as I possibly can.

 

My guess is that this desire for a little more rough has been with you for most of the 3 yrs, and you are getting a little frustrated waiting for him to come around, understandably. I'm not sure exactly how blunt you are being with him on this, but I have to assume if you are posting here, you've pretty much told him straight out you want him to be more forceful. I got two things to suggest..A. You watch a rough sex video together and make sure he knows you are really turned on by it and the video pretty much paints the picture for what he needs to do. B. You get forceful and proactive in bed and manhandle him and hopefully he'll get into the passion of it and fully reciprocate back. Intense passion from the woman always inspires me to up the intensity.

Red Wolverine Established Member

Red Wolverine

Posted
Posted
I like it rough.

 

I love the passion and the romance, but I seriously need to get my hair pulled, lip bitten, scratched, spanked anything and everything...

Sometimes there are spanks but it's like a little "pussy" spank.

 

Any ideas to loosen him up a little?

 

Tell him. When he does something, give him feedback.

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iKING Established Member

iKING

Posted
Posted
Tell him. When he does something, give him feedback.

 

You could try calling him a pussy when he's not rough enough.

 

If he's an alpha sort of guy, that will definitely work.

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Quiet Storm Established Member

Quiet Storm

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Tell him you want it like that and vocalize it. During sex.

 

When he does it- or even halfway does- praise him. Show him how you like it.

 

We just got a new puppy about month ago. I taught her how to sit and I wanted to teach her to give me her paw when we said "shake". For the first 10 times, she would sit and I would "Chelsea, shake" (my boys named her after the soccer team). I grabbed her paw myself, said "good girl!!!!" all excitedly, and gave her a treat. After about the 10th time she gave me her paw herself.

 

I'm not saying men are like puppies :) but positive reinforcement is a powerful thing

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